I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

Translator: Henyee Translations Editor: Henyee Translations

Ms. Liu hesitated upon hearing Dongfang Xue’s instructions to ‘see off’ their guest.

Whilst An Lin’s heart shattered into a million pieces.

This was the type of unparalleled hopelessness a retarded superfan experienced when being shunned by their idol.

“Don’t jump to conclusions, Big Sister Dongfang! Fake Daoist Priest is here today especially to make an apology to you!” Tian Lingling said.

As she was saying this, she blinked at An Lin inconspicuously.

An Lin immediately took the hint, an expression of apology appearing on his face. “That’s right, Calm Celestial Maiden, I’ve been feeling quite guilty about what had happened between us in the WeChat group and have come to make a formal apology to you.”

“A formal apology?”

The expression on Dongfang Xue’s face eased a little.

She had actually already calmed down.

After all, what An Lin did in the group chat was very standard protocol; there was nothing personal about his treatment of the matter.

It was only that his rejections were still deeply etched in her mind, thereby prompting this reaction from her.

“And on top of that, I’m also your loyal fan!” An Lin continued with bright eyes.

To obtain a signature, he naturally had to adopt the identity of a fan.

Besides…

This was also the truth, straight from An Lin’s heart, which made his words all the more heartfelt and sincere.

“Oh? Really…”

Dongfang Xue’s eyes narrowed slightly and she had a skeptical smile on her face. “You say that you’re my loyal fan, eh? I’m going to have to ask you three questions to verify that.”

“Ask away.” An Lin was beginning to feel a little anxious.

Was this a test from his idol? How stimulating!

Dongfang Xue raised up a thin, perfectly-manicured finger. “Question number one, do you like my singing?”

An Lin blanked out for a second. No sh*t!?

He immediately replied. “I do, very much so. Your voice is like that of an angel, intoxicating all your listeners.”

Dongfang Xue nodded in satisfaction upon hearing this before continuing on.

“Question number two, which songs are exclusively performed by me?”

“‘A City Painted From Sand’, ‘The Years Flowing Like Jade’, ‘Fiendish Little Sister’, ‘The Small Immortal Fox’…”

An Lin answered without hesitation, as these were all songs at the top of all the renowned music charts. Even if you weren’t a fan of Dongfang Xue, you’d still most likely know the answer.

“Last question…”

An enchanting smile appeared on Dongfang Xue’s face as she gazed at An Lin, her eyes like rippling water.

“Do you… think I’m beautiful?”

An Lin blanked out again.

Holy f*ck, what kind of question is this!?

Should I answer yes or no?

Is this a trick question?

Maybe she has some sort of masochistic fetish and enjoys being called ugly?

Yes, that must be it!

Just as An Lin was about to reply with something along the lines of ‘you’re not beautiful, you’re actually quite ugly’, he suddenly caught a glimpse of Tian Lingling out of the corner of his eyes, mouthing to him the words, “Say yes.”

An Lin immediately changed tack. “Yes, you are extremely beautiful! Like an angel standing atop a snowy mountain, your beauty is of the utmost purity!”

Dongfang Xue clearly did not expect An Lin to not only give her a reply, but also to make an analogy in his description. A light blush crept onto her face, and she was clearly very satisfied with An Lin’s answer.

An Lin was a little baffled this time.

My God, praising her beauty was all it took?

What kind of dumb question was that? Could this really even be considered a test?

“Big Sister Dongfang, you see, Fake Daoist Priest has already passed your test and officially became one of your loyal fans, so couldn’t you give him a personal autograph to commemorate the occasion?” Tian Lingling wrapped her arms around Dongfang Xue, getting down to work.

Tian Lingling knew that Dongfang Xue was a big fan of receiving compliments.

To be more precise, you could say that she was a little narcissistic…

Hence, it was always easier to get things done when you complimented her to the extent that she was satisfied.

Although Dongfang Xue was very satisfied, she still shook her head stubbornly upon hearing Tian Lingling’s suggestion. “I can’t agree to that, you’re aware of this as well. I never sign autographs…”

“Aw, pleeeease, just make an exception, for me?”

Tian Lingling stared up at Dongfang Xue with her big watery eyes, trying to whittle down her defenses.

A hint of indecision appeared on Dongfang Xue’s face, but she still remained silent.

At this time, An Lin had a flash of brilliance, bringing out a bottle of pills from his storage ring and presenting it to Dongfang Xue.

“Calm Celestial Maiden, in here are seventh-grade spirit pills, Ice Skin Pills. They have the effect of whitening skin, giving its user translucent white skin, just like ice.

“On top of this, it also has the added benefits of modulating metabolic balance, nourishing the ligaments, and clearing the arteries. I have no use for these pills and hence would like to present them to you as a gift.”

Upon hearing about the cosmetic benefits, Dongfang Xue’s final line of defense was finally vanquished…

“Mr. An, you’re too kind.”

Despite what she was saying, she’d already reached out and grabbed the pills nonchalantly from An Lin’s hands.

Tian Lingling blinked meaningfully to An Lin, as if praising him for his quick thinking.

“Sigh, alright. Seeing as Lingling has already asked me, I’ll give you an autograph…”

Dongfang Xue sighed lightly before giving her final answer.

An Lin and Tian Lingling both pumped their fists internally, as they knew they had finally achieved their objective.

“However, you can’t tell anyone about this and you can’t let anyone see the autograph either. This can only be for your private collection, is that understood?” Dongfang Xue said with a serious expression.

Although An Lin did not know why Dongfang Xue would make such requests, he was sure that his upperclassmen would agree to these conditions, hence he agreed without hesitation.

Just like that, Dongfang Xue produced an intricate card, before signing an autograph with an exaggerated flourish.

Her autograph was extremely smooth, as if it had been signed in one smooth motion.

An Lin and Tian Lingling looked down at Dongfang Xue’s autograph, shock appearing on both their faces.

Dongfang Xue’s singing was beautiful and she certainly was beautiful herself, but her writing…

Why was it so damn ugly!?

An Lin stared at the messy pile of text on the card, stunned into silence.

Was this some sort of artistic font?

No!

Artistic font was difficult to decipher, but there was beauty to be found in the angles and the structure!

But this signature…

It could only be described as a messy pile!

This was also the first time that Tian Lingling has seen Dongfang Xue’s signature. She remained silent for a long while, before finally forcing a sentence out of herself. “Hehe… what a unique signature!”

Dongfang Xue handed the signed card to An Lin, bring her lips to rest beside his ear. “This autograph can only be kept as part of your private collection. If you dare to let others see it, I’ll hunt you down and kill you!”

An Lin winced slightly at her words, but could only nod obediently.

He finally understood why Dongfang Xue has never given out autographs…

She’d end up losing fans with a signature like this!

He stared down at the autograph, pondering to himself in silence.

Try as he might, he could only detect the slightest outline of the three characters ‘Dongfang Xue’.

If he was to give this to someone, they’d probably completely refuse to believe that this was Dongfang Xue’s personal autograph.

If he was to give this to his upperclassman…

Would he accuse An Lin of treating him like a retard and force An Lin to return the several hundred spirit stones in anger?

The more he thought about it, the more concerned he became.

Yes, An Lin suspected that he’d received a fake autograph…

However, An Lin soon forgot these worries.

The reason being that this was indeed Dongfang Xue’s personal signature, not only that, it was also her first ever autograph.

“Calm Celestial Maiden, could you please sign another one for me?”

An Lin stared at Dongfang Xue with hope in his expression.

Dongfang Xue was a little dazed at his request. “Why?”

“Because…” An Lin began to blush a little, “because I plan to carry one with me at all times and leave another on my bedside table.”

Tian Lingling’s mouth widened from shock upon hearing this. She was even beginning to doubt her ears a little.

My God… what is An Lin thinking? Could it be that he really is interested in that excuse of a signature?

Dongfang Xue was immediately rooted to the spot by An Lin’s words.

She was, of course, completely aware of just how terrible her own signature was, and that was why she refused to sign autographs for anyone.

But the man standing in front of her, in spite of her terrible autograph, had asked for a second one!

What kind of situation is this? Could it be that her writing became beautiful overnight?

No…

This was love!

This was the unconditional type of love where you loved everything about the person, regardless of their strengths or flaws.

A hint of a blush emerged on Dongfang Xue’s face as her heart rate began to quicken.

Tian Lingling looked on from the sidelines, feeling more and more dumbfounded.

Holy f*ck!

Did Big Sister Dongfang just get picked up?

“Okay, I’ll do it.” Dongfang Xue said softly, the tone of her voice was at least ten times more mellow than what it was at the beginning!

It’s over, she’s completely head over heels!

Tian Lingling was completely defeated by An Lin this time.

An Lin did not seem to be a flirtatious guy, but he’d somehow managed to woo Dongfang Xue, who was renowned for her cold, distant demeanor!?

An Lin did not notice all this. He gratefully accepted Dongfang Xue’s second autograph, planning to give this one to his upperclassman.

As for her maiden autograph…

An item of such commemorative value had to be placed into his own possession of course!

This was the resolution universal to all retarded superfans. No matter how hideous it was, it was still an autograph from his idol!

“Ding Dong!”

Right at this moment, a notification tone sounded in his system.

An Lin opened the system, surprised to find the ‘Special Missions’ tab flashing.