The Sorcerer's Handbook

Chapter 390: Why Can’t It Be Me!

”And that pretty much sums up everything.”

Not long after dinner, everyone except for the fraudster had gathered in Ashe’s room. Annan looked like she had just finished bathing. Now, she was casually eating a cup of pudding in her purple nightdress. Pankey was still trapped in his ever-present butler uniform, looking exhausted, as if he had come straight from working overtime. Lys had also just finished washing up and was sitting quietly while Ashe dried her hair.

Leaning against the wall, Harvey complained, ”So you disturbed my night for something like this? Right when I was giving Alice a skincare treatment?”

Everyone in the room stared blankly at the necromancer.

Pankey pressed his lips together tightly. Annan instinctively touched her earring, while Ashe furrowed his brows. Lys was the only one to open her mouth, but the very moment she formed a vowel sound, Ashe reached out and quickly clamped a hand over it.

Harvey went on, ”I was just about to cleanse Alice’s body with a protein coagulation preservation solution. Then, I was going to apply a diluted Galingen solution to maintain his skin’s elasticity, and after that—”

”Nobody asked you! Stop! Shut up! Lalala, I can’t hear you!” Ashe shouted, looking like he wanted to hurl the hair dryer straight at Harvey’s head. ”We are discussing Iger right now. Absolutely no talking about Alice!”

”There’s really nothing much to discuss about Iger,” Harvey said lazily, scratching behind his ear. ”What, are you trying to ask what we should give him as a wedding gift? Because on that point, I’m actually quite confident. Two sets of custom-made, matching necromancer coffins will completely crush whatever vulgar presents you lot come up with, both in sincerity and value.”

Lys piped up. ”For my part, I just hope Aunt Perskin wears a wedding dress at the ceremony. As long as I get to see that, I’ll be satisfied. I don’t need anything else.”

Pankey cleared his throat to remind her. ”Lys, wedding gifts are what we give to the couple, not what they give to us.”

Lys shook her head stubbornly. ”I don’t care. I just want to see Aunt Perskin in a wedding dress! I want it, I want it!”

Ashe pressed a firm hand down on the little white-haired girl’s head, speaking with absolute seriousness. ”Lys! The adults are discussing serious matters right now. Don’t cause trouble. Is a wedding dress really something you can just demand like that?”

Annan nodded quietly to herself, briefly thinking that Ashe could actually distinguish priorities when it mattered. But then she watched as Ashe summoned the Book of Gospel, flipped it open, and revealed a glossy product catalog. ”In my opinion, we should all pool our money together and directly order a custom-made wedding dress for Iger as our official gift—”

The Lady immediately tore off her earring, which instantly transformed into a submachine gun, and aimed it right between Ashe’s eyes. ”Do you have a death wish? Because please, don’t be polite. The Funeral Agency is always happy to handle your transportation.”

Ashe and Lys yelled in unison, ”Miss! Calm down! That was incredibly sudden! The Second Mistress will get embarrassed!”

They instantly raised their hands in total surrender.

”Back to the point,” Annan said, twisting the gun back into an earring and hooking it to her lobe. ”Do you really think Iger would accept an offer like that?”

”You should be asking what possible reason he would have to refuse such an investment,” Harvey said. He idly pulled a human skull from somewhere out of his robes and began tossing it between his hands like a toy.

Ashe glanced at the skull. For some bizarre reason, he felt an unusual, deep sense of natural harmony radiating from it. It was the exact same feeling a kid got when they picked up a perfectly straight stick on the walk to school and realized it made a flawless sword.

He shivered violently and quickly wrapped his arms around the warm, breathing Lys, desperately trying to resist the sweet, comforting allure of death. ”Maybe... maybe Iger is completely asexual.”

Pankey pointed out. ”But didn’t you say Mr. Perskin carries veela blood? Even if there are no actual veela left in the Gospel Kingdom, veela bloodlines are fundamentally incompatible with asexuality. Of course, it’s always possible he already has someone he likes.”

”So what if he has someone he likes? Can’t he just change his mind?” Harvey scoffed unhappily. ”What, does a professional fraudster come equipped with some kind of ’loyalty lock’ system? Why not just assume he simply doesn’t like the living and prefers cold, lifeless bodies like me? Or maybe he doesn’t care about money at all and just prefers a life of wandering adventure with us!”

Lys summarized cleanly, ”In other words, as long as Aunt Perskin is a normal person, he will definitely accept this deal.”

Everyone in the room nodded. Even Annan couldn’t find a way to refute it.

The main reason was that Evelyn’s terms were simply too generous. The financial pie she was offering was so massively inflated that it could make absolutely anyone lose their rational judgment and make an impulsive purchase. After all, she wasn’t just offering pocket change. She was offering the entire Belldet Consortium. A family descended from Angels, the sole, undisputed ruler of Montphera, and the exclusive wielders of the unfathomable inheritance of the Control Class.

Let’s put it in perspective. If Iger accepted this deal, he would leap from a manual laborer to the ultimate son-in-law of the Belldet family. He would marry a wealthy, beautiful woman, become a high-flying executive, command an immense fortune, and instantly reach the absolute peak of life.

An ordinary person might hesitate, wondering if they actually had the capability to handle such power. But Iger was a professional fraudster. Even if he completely lacked the business acumen to manage a mega-conglomerate like the Belldet Consortium, he possessed an abundance of underhanded tricks to siphon its resources into his own pockets. Embezzlement, bribery, and abusing authority were practically his bread and butter.

Taking the thought to a darker place, the fraudster could never truly control the Belldet empire, since only his and Anphel’s offspring would be the legitimate heirs. But what if Anphel just happened to die under mysterious circumstances after giving birth?

And the current head of the family, Evelyn, was only a Two-Winged sorcerer. The Belldet fortress might protect her from outsiders, but if Iger became a part of the family, he would have far too many ways to silently eliminate his new sister-in-law from the inside.

As for whether Iger was actually malicious enough to pull off such a stunt, his past actions spoke for themselves. Back when Ashe first met him, the golden-haired, veela-blooded fraudster had almost drained him completely dry.

The most irresistible hook of all was that Evelyn had promised to sever the contract binding Iger to Annan. As the absolute heirs of the Control Class, the Belldet family had turned contractual law into a highly refined, industrial process. Evelyn’s word alone was ironclad. More importantly, if Annan ever used that contract to control Iger and seize Belldet’s wealth, the consortium would suffer. For her own interests, Evelyn would never allow Iger to remain bound like a stray dog under the Dolan family. Yet, Iger had clearly stated he would never sign a contract with the Belldets either.

In other words, Evelyn’s offer wasn’t just sweet and incredibly lucrative. She was practically letting her sister spoon-feed him a fortune completely risk-free. The deal was so ridiculously considerate that it felt as if Iger were the one doing them a favor by accepting.

The more Ashe thought about it, the angrier he became. With a furious smack on his thigh, he barked out bitterly, ”Why can’t it be me!”

”Ow!” Lys cried out, angrily punching Ashe right in the jaw. ”Daddy! Hit your own leg! Why are you hitting mine!”

”Actually, Ashe does have a point,” Pankey mused, looking thoughtful.

Ashe nodded rapidly, rubbing his jaw. ”Right? Right?! Why am I stuck scrubbing floors and doing laundry while Iger gets to lounge in a garden meeting a beautiful, cute, innocent girl? It’s not fair! Why is that blonde crook getting such an amazing deal from Evelyn, while all I get from Annan is—”

He slammed on the brakes mid-sentence and locked his jaw tight. But it was already too late.

In his peripheral vision, the figure in the purple nightdress had vanished from her spot. An instant later, a hard, metallic sensation pressed firmly against his lower back. ”Right now, what’s touching your back is my dear sister,” Annan whispered into his ear, her voice dripping with lethal gravity. ”She is the second daughter of the Apex Blade Company, Donna. Her specialty is giving deep-tissue massages using nine-millimeter metal blocks. If I were you, I would obediently spit out whatever words you just swallowed. The you tomorrow will thank yourself for making a wise decision today.”

Annan had materialized behind him on the bed out of nowhere to deliver her incredibly serious threat. However, everyone else in the room could clearly see that her earring was still hooked perfectly to her earlobe, and the ”weapon” she was holding against his spine was actually just a silver spoon.

Ashe had no clue that the threat was a complete bluff, but he knew all too well that resisting would lead to a harsh punishment, while confessing would be an immediate death sentence. He chose to stay silent and braced himself to endure the interrogation to the bitter end.

”Speak,” Annan demanded, locking him in a tight chokehold. ”What exactly did Evelyn use to bribe you?”

Ashe choked out. ”Your room key! But I’m a righteous man! Naturally, I rejected such an outrageous temptation!”

”Do you think I’m stupid? This place uses iris-scanned automatic doors! There are no keys! Try again!”

”It was a hypnosis spray designed specifically for you! But I am a man of pure, unadulterated love! Of course, I turned down such a shameless offer!”

”If Evelyn possessed a Miracle capable of hypnosis, she would have already turned us all into her loyal hounds!” Annan paused, her eyes narrowing as she tightened her grip. ”Wait... the fact that you even brought up a hypnosis spray means whatever she actually offered must be way worse than that baseline. Fine, tell me. I promise I won’t get mad at you. The real villain here is Evelyn, not you.”

”Can you please release my neck before saying that?!”

Annan kept Ashe pinned. The two of them aggressively wrestled across the mattress while Lys and Pankey watched with deeply bewildered expressions. When exactly did those two get so close?

The only exception was Harvey. He sat nearby, still idly fondling his treasured skull.

At that moment, Lys suddenly glanced down at her newly acquired mirror glove. A small spark flashed in her eyes, and she immediately pounced onto the bed, forcibly shoving herself between the two sweaty, struggling ”children” to break them apart.

A soft gasp rang out. ”Ow—”

Annan froze, immediately letting go. ”Lys, did I hit you?”

Ashe scrambled over, checking the girl in a panic. ”Are you okay? Where does it hurt?”

The white-haired girl timidly raised her arm. ”I think I sprained my wrist...”

Ashe let out a massive sigh of relief. ”It’s going to be okay.”

He gently massaged her small wrist while subtly channeling a trace of his Sword of Joy Miracle into the injury. ”It’s just a minor tweak. You’ll be fine in no time.”

Lys immediately burrowed deep into his chest, rubbing against his chest like a coddled little bear cub. ”Mmhmm!”

Seeing the tender family moment, Annan knew she couldn’t continue the fight and quietly stepped back off the bed.

As she turned away, she caught a fleeting glimpse of Lys slightly curling her lips into a smirk, watching her with a sharp, mocking gaze that felt like a scheming, dark reflection of the innocent girl. But when Annan blinked and looked closer, she found Lys completely buried in Ashe’s arms, her face entirely hidden from view.

Was that an illusion? Or had Evelyn’s presence already begun to affect me? Could there be some kind of large-scale, mind-altering Miracle at work here, quietly distorting everyone’s perception?

Filled with a sudden wave of suspicion, Annan sat back down in her chair.

Pankey cleared his throat, seamlessly steering the conversation back on track. ”If Lady Evelyn had made this kind of grand offer to Mr. Harvey or to Ashe, I would certainly be surprised, but I could at least understand the logic. Her specific choice of Mr. Perskin is what truly confuses me.”