The Overlord of Puluo

Half of the roast chicken had vanished, and the plot of land had suddenly lit up.

A woman said that the trial of worthiness has begun. What does that mean? Is she a land deity? She wants me to activate the land?

Li Banfeng shouted, ”I didn’t mean to make an offering! I didn’t even set up an altar!”

”The offering has already been received.” The woman answered while gnawing on a chicken drumstick.

”If I am going through a trial of worthiness, we should sign the contract first!”

”We can sign it after the trial. I don’t care for pointless formalities!”

Sign it after the trial? Li Banfeng thought. What if you refused to honor it afterward?

Li Banfeng could not be bothered to argue with her. This land deity was clearly not right in the head.

He walked straight toward the edge of the plot. At worst, the land activation would fail. This domain was so remote that he could simply never come back again.

Just as he reached the boundary, a leaf drifted down and touched the glowing line. In the blink of an eye, it turned to ash.

WHAT IS GOING ON?

Li Banfeng had only ever seen something like this at the borders between domains.

”You still think you can leave after coming to my territory?” the land deity snorted. ”I have already accepted your offering, so you have to activate this land. Don’t you know the rules?”

Li Banfeng could not make sense of this land deity. He used Keen-Eyed Perception and searched for a long while, but he still could not find her.

”Let’s be reasonable here. We can forget the contract for now, but if you want me to activate this plot of land, you have to wait until this time tomorrow. Let me prepare for one day, and then we can start.

”As for whether I hire someone to activate the land or do it myself, that should be my decision when the time comes. That much should be part of the rules, right?”

”There are no such rules! Once I accept the offering, we begin. Everything else can wait!”

”Then I won’t activate the land. I don’t want it anymore. Just count this as a failed activation!”

”No!” she snapped. ”As long as you are still breathing, it doesn’t count as failure. This is a one-and-a-half-kilometer plot, and your trial of worthiness begins now!”

”How am I supposed to activate a one-and-a-half-kilometer plot of land by myself...”

Li Banfeng did not get to finish. A low, nasty chorus of snarls rose from every direction, closing in around him.

The aberrant creatures had arrived!

Li Banfeng had never activated a one-and-a-half-kilometer plot before, so he had no idea what rules applied here. Would the aberrant creatures come one after another, like they had on the half-kilometer plot, or could they all attack at once?

Not that knowing the rules would do him much good. The land deity seemed exactly the sort of creature who treated rules as decorations.

For Li Banfeng, activating the land should have been simple. If the land deity gave him one day to prepare, he could retrieve the key, scamper back, and spend the next three days tucked safely inside the Pocket Dwelling.

However, this local land deity was completely unreasonable!

Since Li Banfeng could not cross the boundary, he had no choice but to fight. He took out every enchanted artifact he had and prepared for battle. Before he could set them up, a giant tiger five or six meters tall charged into the plot.

Li Banfeng leapt aside, and the giant tiger went crashing into the tree behind him. It was an enormous old thing, with a trunk so thick that two grown men could barely hug it.

The tree fell with a thunderous crash. Then, very slowly, it got back up. It yawned, stretched its branches like a person waking from a nap, and swung them straight at Li Banfeng.

Li Banfeng pointed at the tiger and shouted at the tree, ”He’s the one who knocked you over! Why are you hitting me?”

The tiger sank its teeth into one of the tree’s branches and jabbed it straight at Li Banfeng’s chest. It was fast, sharp, and horribly well-timed. Li Banfeng had to twist away with everything he had just to avoid being skewered.

A tiger that can wield a branch? And with skill like that? Don’t tell me this thing is a Martial Cultivator?

Li Banfeng dodged the tiger’s attack and swung his Tang saber in the same motion, slicing through the tree’s trunk with one clean slash.

A toad popped out of the broken trunk, landed with a plop, puffed out its throat, and shouted, ”Croak! Croak! Boundless falling leaves fell with a mournful rustle![1]”

The moment the toad finished its grand little chant, countless sharp branches came raining down from the tree, swift and vicious as falling knives.

Spoken Word Manifestation? This toad is a Literary Cultivator????

Li Banfeng darted through the rain of branches, twisting left and right while watching for the giant tiger’s sneak attacks.

As he fought, the land deity’s voice rang beside his ear. ”My, my! Such nimble feet. Are you a Wanderlust Cultivator? In that case, I really can’t go easy on you!”

Does this woman have a grudge against Wanderlust Cultivators too? Perhaps she’s a Homebound Cultivator?

While Li Banfeng was thinking, the ground trembled.

An earthworm more than one meter wide and over ten meters long burst out of the ground. It immediately curled its slick body around him and squeezed him tight.

The worm’s plan was disgustingly simple. It would pin Li Banfeng in place while the tree, the toad, and the giant tiger attacked. The earthworm could regenerate at an astonishing rate, so it did not care if it got caught in Li Banfeng’s attacks.

Pinned by the earthworm, Li Banfeng found himself in a tight spot. He shouted to the Film Projector, ”Call someone out and help me hold them off for a bit!”

The Film Projector had spent all this time adjusting its angle. After a great deal of effort, it finally cast an image.

A beautiful young woman appeared beside Li Banfeng. She first assumed a fighting stance, then turned her back to him and began undoing the knotted buttons of her qipao.

Li Banfeng snapped, ”Why are you taking off your clothes? Fight first!”

***

Inside the Pocket Dwelling, the Gramophone was drenched in sweat, layer after layer of it gleaming across her surface.

”That madman hasn’t come home for so many days! Let’s see how he can explain himself to the house this time!”

Hong Ying struggled fiercely in the corner. ”What the hell is there to explain? Wicked woman, let me go! I will fight this house to the death!”

The Gramophone’s voice carried a trace of mockery. ”Can you beat it? Look at the state you are in. You are just a blind old woman now. What are you going to fight it with?”

”That wretch Crimson Lotus has been hiding who knows how much strength just so she can escape this place one day, and even she doesn’t dare act rashly.”

Hong Ying froze. ”What strength has Crimson Lotus been hiding?”

From far away in the seventh room, Crimson Lotus shouted, ”You two hagssssss! Stop gossiping about me behind my back!”

The three of them were about to start tearing into one another when the house suddenly trembled. Then came an old, creaky chuckle. ”Hehehe.”

The house was laughing.

The Gramophone, Crimson Lotus, and Hong Ying all had enough status to know that laugh. All three of them had pride and backbone, yet every time they heard it, a chill still ran through them.

Hong Ying trembled all over and screamed, ”You wicked woman, let me go! I will fight him! I can’t take this anymore!”

”Shut up, you wretch!” the Gramophone scolded. ”Do you want to get beaten with the paddle?”

A few minutes later, she lost control again. ”No, I am going to fight him! I will kill that old bastard!”

A strange burst of strength surged through Hong Ying. While the Gramophone was distracted, she broke free of the steam binding her and thrust the tip of her blade straight at the wall of the Pocket Dwelling.

”toot-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!”

A train whistle rang out inside the Pocket Dwelling.

A spear danced wildly through the air.

Hong Ying stabbed, swept, and whirled through the air amid the shrill train whistle, fighting with all her might against an enemy no one else could see.

Five minutes later, Hong Ying dropped flat to the floor with a pitiful clatter and stopped moving.

Huff~ Huff~

The Gramophone asked cautiously, ”Wretch woman, are you still alive?”

Hong Ying braced herself against the floor and slowly propped herself upright.

The Gramophone stared at her for a long, baffled moment. She could not understand what Hong Ying had used to push herself up, much less what she had used to stand.

Hong Ying had grown hands, and she had grown feet too!

”Wretch! What happened to you?” the Gramophone asked nervously.

Hong Ying touched her own spear shaft with her hand and said in a low voice, ”I am fine. This battle counts as a draw.”

With that, Hong Ying strode to the corner and stood there like a well-behaved child.

As far as the Gramophone knew, Hong Ying was not a woman who understood fear. Yet somehow, the house had beaten her into this state. It had beaten her so badly that it had beaten hands and feet out of her.

”Wretch woman, you didn’t piss your pants, did you?”

”Hmph!” Hong Ying sneered. ”What kind of question is that? How could I piss my pants? Do I even have pants?

”Actually, now that you mention it, I really do need to find a pair of pants. I have legs now, don’t I? And if I have legs, I need pants. What am I supposed to do if someone sees?”

Hong Ying was babbling now. Properly babbling. Whatever had happened in that fight, it had rattled her badly.

The Gramophone lowered her voice. ”This house is probably even more formidable than the person who built it.”

Hong Ying asked, ”Who built it?”

”It was most likely the Grandmaster of a cultivation path, someone ranked even higher than a Luminary[2].”

”The one who built it has a ranking above a Luminary, yet this house is even more formidable than its creator. Hehehe...” Hong Ying suddenly started laughing. She laughed so much that she was gasping for air.

The Gramophone asked, ”What are you laughing at? What’s so funny? Don’t laugh yourself breathless.”

”I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing at myself. My chest feels so tight, as if I just grew a conscience and a pair of breasts.”

The Gramophone slowly turned her horn toward Hong Ying. Then she saw it. About a quarter of the way down the spear shaft, there was a small, suspicious bulge.

”It really can grow...” The Gramophone grew excited. ”If you can grow one, does that mean I can grow one too?”

”It seems to be more than just a conscience...” Hong Ying said, still speaking in a muddled, strained voice. ”There seems to be something else too...”

”What else? The door that you can unscrew[3]?” The Gramophone grew even more excited.

”There really is something there!” Hong Ying cried, sounding both startled and thrilled. ”Now I know why this house is so formidable. It has Daoist arts from all sorts of Paths. But where did they come from? How can one house cultivate so many Paths at once?”

Wifey wrapped the spear in a soft curl of steam and asked gently, ”Sister, let’s leave the Daoist arts for later. Tell me about your doors first. Did they really grow out?”

”Yes, they did. Both of them came out. If you can grow doors, then both of yours had better come out too. Don’t let that madman go poking around in the wrong place again. Even I feel the pain for you.”

”Pfffft! What are you hurting for?” the Gramophone spat.

Hong Ying asked in a panic, ”You vicious woman, forget the doors for now. Do you know where the house’s Daoist arts came from? Are we going to become Daoist arts too? Are we never getting out again?”

”You wretch, I told you not to provoke him. Do you understand now?” The Gramophone turned toward the illustrated calendar and spoke to Dream Virtue. ”You must not mention a single word of what happened here to my husband. Remember that.”

Dream Virtue nodded again and again.

Hong Ying asked, ”I really don’t understand. Why do you keep hiding things from that madman?”

Crimson Lotus shouted from the seventh room, ”EVEN YOU KNOW HE’S MAD! AREN’T YOU WORRIED THAT HE WILL FIGHT THE HOUSE?? IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO HIM, WE ARE ALL FINISHED!”

”Like hell! You are the damn mad one,” the Gramophone snapped at Crimson Lotus. Then she turned back to Hong Ying. ”My husband isn’t mad. He just doesn’t do things the usual way. We have to tell him about this slowly. We can’t push him too hard.”

Hong Ying grew anxious again. ”I am in a hurry too! Find me a pair of pants. I really have doors now!”

***

Li Banfeng was getting anxious.

He had already spent three days and three nights running for his life at Face Not-Big’s place, and that little adventure had nearly cost him half his life. Now, the half he had left was being spent on this new land.

Corpses lay scattered across the ground. Rows of injured aberrant creatures gathered along the edge of the plot, waiting and watching with hungry eyes.

Li Banfeng kicked a leopard away, planted one foot on a wild boar, and kept killing until his eyes were red.

Then the land deity’s voice suddenly rang out. ”The trial of worthiness is over.”

The aberrant creatures retreated from the plot one after another.

Li Banfeng sank to the ground, utterly exhausted. His vision blurred in waves, and the only thing he wanted now was to close his eyes and sleep.

The land deity appeared beside him and sat down. ”You are a real man. I like you.”

Li Banfeng looked up into the air. Light shimmered overhead. The land activation had succeeded.

Li Banfeng gave a faint nod. Before he could even see the land deity’s face, his eyelids sank shut, and he drifted off to sleep.

Author’s Note:

P.S. The Pocket Dwelling is stronger than its creator? What could be the reason?

1. [ref]This line comes from ”登高 (Deng Gao)” (Ascending the Heights), a famous short poem by the Tang dynasty poet Du Fu. It’s a poem about autumn grief, aging, illness, and loneliness far from home. ☜

2. Ranking was previously mentioned in chapter 170. It was the Insect Overlord, which was changed to Luminary. ☜

3. Referencing chapter 182 and chapter 183. If you read those two chapters, you should know what this ”door” refers to, right? ☜