Shinrabansho: Myriad Souls

“The next step in accepting who you are is…” Natalia-sama smiled warmly. She paused for effect. “Skinship.”

I blinked. “What?”

“Given that you reek of urine from the waist down, I think a bath would be advisable.” Her tone stayed light and matter-of-fact.

“Okay,” I said blankly.

“Though, we shouldn’t dally too long in the bath. The others will grow impatient and the food waiting for us will get colder. I intended to quickly fetch you and bring you to my garden breakfast nook, but things tend to not go as planned.”

Natalia turned toward the tub Rui had kicked Akuchi up against earlier. A smooth cover rested over it. She folded it back. Her tail swished lazily as a cloud of steam rolled up from a bath large enough for three or four people to lounge in.

“Come and join me, Susumu.” She glanced back over her shoulder with a soft, reassuring smile. “I’ll give you a crash course in getting more familiar with your new body. Allow me to provide guidance to introduce you to the secrets of the female form.”

She began to undress calmly and deliberately.

My nose immediately started to bleed again. The curve of her back, the smooth lines of her shoulders, the way her gown caught on her tail and slipped free… my brain just shut down. Heat surged into my cheeks.

I clapped a hand over my face, peeking between my fingers. If I didn’t control myself, I was pretty sure I’d blow a crimson fountain all over the mirror. I forced my breathing to slow. 

In. Out. Calm down, idiot.

Noticing that I still hadn’t moved from in front of the mirror, Natalia turned fully toward me, not trying to hide a single thing. Her modestly sized breasts sat high and firm, her skin unmarred. Her legs were slightly spread, revealing the golden tuft over her cleft. My eyes didn’t linger on her.

It was too much. I strangled a noise that was definitely not dignified and squeezed my eyes shut as heat rushed through my face and down my neck. I wrapped my arms around myself, my whole body turning pink.

It was obvious that she was completely at ease in her own skin, something that I couldn’t help envying.

“Am I going a little too quickly for your comfort?” she murmured, half to herself, smiling. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me.

That noise in my throat climbed higher.

Her warm fingers wrapped around my waist.

“Relax. I won’t bite.” She leaned forward, nearly brushing her lips against mine.

“I would kiss you to help you relax, but I know that that would only make things worse for you, recalling your reaction the last time I did.” Natalia smiled softly.

I remembered the first time that she kissed me. It was heavenly.

Well,” she had murmured, tapping her chin, “I didn’t expect to find you were a kindred soul. A noh-face… yet still yourself. Not fully transformed.” She smiled. “Remarkable. That means… no mouth. So I can’t kiss you properly. But I hope you won’t mind an approximation.”

She leaned down.

And kissed the place my mouth would have been.

For a long, breathtaking moment.

My first kiss.

The world dissolved.

My spirit blasted upward through the sunlit skylight like a comet returning to heaven.

Music filled my ears… soft, celestial, private.

I was dead.

I died.

“Yeah…” I said, sweating and laughing nervously. “I died on the spot…”

“You survived, Susumu.” Natalia laughed softly. “I will trust you to not fall apart or drown in a nosebleed.”

“Huh?” I had only a moment before she did it.

She pressed her lips against mine, giving me the kiss she said she couldn’t. Our lips stayed pressed together, and my eyes went fuzzy as she took control of my mouth for a moment that set off fireworks in my mind.

When she leaned back, I definitely felt more relaxed. She’d shocked the jitters out of me.

DOKI-DOKI

“Good.” Natalia patted my head, lightly stroking my long hair. “And no nosebleed either.”

My legs were unsteady and my heart was still pounding.

“Let’s proceed. Don’t look too closely at my body if that makes it a little easier,” she said. “I won’t touch you inappropriately without your permission, Susumu. My goal is to help you relax, not to fluster you until you short-circuit.”

A soft laugh escaped her. “I wonder how effective my ‘numb with shock’ method is working.”

She guided me away from the mirror holding my hands. I glanced at myself again as we moved, seeing how pink I’d turned. I shuffled along with her and nearly tripped over the lip of the bathing area.

She’s right, I thought miserably. I’m a woman now. I need to at least try to get used to my body… and to others… but it’s not easy.

Even knowing that, embarrassment prickled under my skin.

“Have a seat here.” Natalia eased me down onto a low stool beside the floor drain next to the tub. “The first part is getting you scrubbed up, those adorable pee scents scrubbed away. My floral body wash should do the job.” She winked at me.

She stepped behind me, her movements sure, and I looked at her over my shoulder, chewing my lip.

“I’ll wash your back first,” she said. “By the way… I was the one who sponge-bathed you when we first arrived after fighting Mitsuhiko.”

My blush, which I’d thought had already reached its zenith, surged even deeper. Head to toe, I felt like a boiled shrimp. I hadn’t noticed anything at all after waking up. My head was so full of fuzz that I didn’t even know who I was.

“I… I see…” I mumbled.

“You’re very welcome,” Natalia replied, amused. “It was a pleasure. You have become quite beautiful, I must say. You were quite the handful even out cold. Let’s see how you do while you’re conscious, shall we?”

Natalia lathered a soft loofah and slid it along my hip in a motherly way, even though the touch still made heat twist low in my belly while her aim stayed on cleaning and comfort.

“Try not to blush too hard when I ask this,” she murmured into my ear, far too close, close enough that her breath brushed it. “Spread your legs.”

I squeaked like a teakettle, my leg muscles spasming.

Her tone stayed calm. “The worst of the mess is… most likely between them.” A thoughtful hum. “But this is also part of accepting yourself. So I’ll let you choose. Shall I clean you there so that you don’t have to explore yourself? You will need to keep yourself clean. Hygiene is important for a woman. I will teach you everything that you need to know… at a pace that you are comfortable with.”

My brain nearly imploded.

Either I touched my new body in a way I’d not considered, not faced at all…

Or let Natalia-sama do it for me.

Which was more proper? Which was the least embarrassing?

Which one would Reiko-chan laugh at me the least for?

Which of the two would Rui kill someone over?

Well, she wouldn’t hurt Natalia-sama. And she wants me to pay off her detective services with slave labor.

My thighs clamped together tightly.

“I know that it’s a lot to process. But…” Natalia chuckled softly, not unkindly. She continued washing the easiest to reach spots, my arms, my shoulders, the curve of my back, my legs and ankles, moving the scrubber over my skin until it tingled. “You will most likely have that body for the rest of your life.”

I swallowed hard.

“You’re probably wondering why your old body didn’t return when you regained her face and your humanity,” she said.

I nodded numbly.

“I thought about it last night. The answer is simple.”

“I don’t see what’s so simple about all this!” I complained.

“You were not happy with how things were. You had her face and voice. Your male body conflicted with those. Deep down, you understood that returning to how things were would leave you split down the middle.”

She rinsed the scrubber, walked to the front of me, and knelt there, sniffing, her kitsune senses tracking what still needed attention. Her eyes fixed on my thighs. She rested her hands and the scrubber in my lap, right between my legs.

“Would you have dressed as a girl or a man, I wonder. Or maybe you would have spent the rest of your life hiding inside a sentai costume as you did when we met, pretending that everything was fine that way.”

I winced. She was hitting too close.

“I… I don’t know,” I whispered.

“You don’t have to have any answers right now.” Her voice went quieter. “I will say this. You put Reiko before yourself, even as she surrendered her consciousness. And she took care of the rest. She saved you from living caught between bodies, with nowhere to stand.”

I nodded slowly, my throat tight.

I didn’t want to go back to how I was… and she saw that…

Natalia paused, looking up into my eyes.

“My question, Susumu, still needs to be answered,” she said. “Would you like to clean yourself… or shall I?”

I clenched my jaw, quickly grabbing the scrubber out of my lap with both trembling fists, and held it with the determination of someone preparing to face a final boss with a copper sword.

“I’ll… I’ll do it!” I managed to squeak out.

A short while later, I stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. My head was still fuzzy, my heart still racing from scrubbing the very sensitive spots between my legs, not to mention Natalia’s kiss and her hands on me.

My crotch and thighs were far more sensitive than I expected. When I’d washed myself as a man, scrubbing those spots wasn’t a big deal.

I stayed pink for a while, grateful that I couldn’t see those parts clearly unless I forced myself to look, but I felt every brush of the scrubber and nearly died on each pass.

Once I was clean and rinsed off, I decided not to soak in her bathtub. That would have overcomplicated things, and everyone was waiting.

Natalia calmed me down by showing me a trick I’d never imagined needing, how to fold and tuck the towel, so the weight of my breasts kept it secure.

Breasts… m… mine… Yai… Just the thought made me dizzy.

“Now that you’re smelling and looking fresher, and you seem to have calmed down somewhat,” she said lightly, “we must think about your clothing situation.”

She’d already dried off and slipped back into the same elegant dress she was wearing before. She guided me through a partially hidden door, and it opened into a huge walk-in closet, almost as large as her workshop, lined with fabrics, dresses, uniforms, jackets, skirts, and accessories, all arranged in clean rows.

“When it comes to fashion,” Natalia-sama said proudly, “this is where I can truly help you the most.”

I froze in the doorway. The air smelled faintly of cedar and perfume. The soft lighting made the fabrics shimmer. I suddenly felt like a filthy creature who had wandered into a goddess’s private lair.

“The Yōkai Sentai Noh-Man suit I made for you was, perhaps, the greatest achievement of my life,” she continued with a wistful sigh. “A shame it was destroyed… though, given the circumstances it was only expected.”

She winked, her tail swaying behind her as she stepped aside with a flourish, revealing a rolling rack. It looked like it had appeared there on the spot.

“I prepared these last night,” she explained. “Clothes chosen for your build, style, and comfort, clothes that I believe will suit you. If you want all of them, they’re yours. But for now, let’s pick a few items that you feel truly comfortable wearing.”

I nodded awkwardly, my cheeks burning.

This was the first time I’d ever chosen women’s clothes to wear. Every time before now, someone had been forcing them onto my body.

It was my choice now, although Natalia-sama wasn’t exactly giving me any other alternatives.

I shuffled closer and began sifting through the options.

There were dresses in soft pastels and sharp blacks.

Tailored women’s suits that looked like they belonged on magazine covers.

Stylish blouses with delicate embroidery.

Pleated skirts, flat skirts, layered skirts… so many skirts.

Cardigans, jackets, tops of every cut.

Everything girly, elegant, refined… Everything I never thought I’d ever touch in my life, even in an intimate sense.

And then…

My hand stopped.

A jacket caught my eye.

“Excellent choices… with a few exceptions,” Natalia-sama said with a light giggle, reaching past me to adjust a sleeve. “Accessorizing is an important part of being a woman. But you still have much to learn, my dear.” Her hand rested on my cheek. “I will be your guide.”

I pouted faintly, but she only smiled and handed me a few additions. They matched the light jacket I’d gravitated toward. The pieces fit together so naturally that the completed look made my chest flutter.

“Have you given any thought to who you’re becoming yet?” she asked, passing me a neatly folded black blouse without explaining why it went with anything. “Your life hasn’t ended. It’s just begun.”

“…”

My stomach dropped.

“W-well… I guess… I’ll become a spiritual detective,” I muttered eventually. “I don’t think Rui-chan would give me any choice.”

Natalia laughed knowingly. “Yes. Rui will shape you into the partner that she’s always needed. She’ll make you into the detective that she wished she herself could be.”

Her expression dimmed for a second as she muttered something under her breath, then shook her head and guided us back to the rack.

“When I asked who you’ll be, I was talking about your identity, not your occupation or hobbies. Who will you be in here?” She tapped a finger lightly to my chest. “What are you going to do with yourself? Life is about more than working and eating.”

I hesitated.

I’d lost my identity and everything that was Susumu. Who and what was I now? How was I going to spend my time outside work?

My stomach flipped, and excitement ran through me.

“I can’t pretend that I’m still Susumu.” I winced. “My Number card would be worthless now if I had it. If I had to show anyone it, they’d ask what kind of plastic surgery I paid for and how much.”

“Quite right. A fortune, by the look of your body,” Natalia-sama said with a soft hum. “And given that you are not only Susumu anymore on the inside, you could more easily be Reiko, considering you now bear her body.”

My chest tightened.

“…No.” I shook my head immediately. “I can’t do that. Even if I have her memories… I’m not her either. Her family would know instantly.”

A cold sensation slid through me. “What if they see me…?”

“That is a very good question,” Natalia murmured, her lips tightening. “You could get some plastic surgery to blunt the resemblance… and become someone else entirely.”

“No.” I answered too quickly, too sharply. And when she looked at me, I steadied my voice. “I will never change this face, nor this body. They’re sacred to me, Reiko-chan’s final gift to me.”

Natalia’s eyes softened, and her mouth tightened at the corners.

“Then, if her family finds you, will you tell them the truth?”

“I… I think so, Natalia-sama. I hope I never have to,” I said, my voice small. “And as for my own parents, it doesn’t matter. I’m pretty sure they won’t care if I disappear completely.”

“Do they truly hate you so much?” she asked. “No parents hate their children.”

“They didn’t,” I murmured. “They just…” I paused and continued. “They didn’t really see me. My cursed face scared everyone off… even them. They loved the idea of what I should be before I was born. I don’t know what they thought when they saw my face after I was born. Maybe they thought about trying again.”

Natalia-sama winced and grimaced.

My shoulders fell. “Reiko-chan was the only person I ever met who saw past my cursed face.”

“A cursed face…” Natalia-sama repeated softly. “If only I could have seen it myself.”

“If I had my wallet, I could show you it on my card.” I perked up faintly. “Did the pouches in the sentai suit survive our fight?”

“No,” she said simply.

My stomach dropped.

“That complicates matters. If the police find your wallet and keys, they will have no reason to connect them to you. But retrieving them would be impossible.”

She stepped closer, her hands clasping lightly beneath her breasts on her stomach.

“So that leaves only one choice. A new identity must be constructed for you.”

I stared at her. “You can do that?”

“Oh yes.” She smiled slyly, her tail flicking behind her, casting nine shadows for a moment. “The yōkai have long-standing ties with the police. Official human identities that yōkai require to live normal lives can be arranged through correct channels.”

My breath caught in my throat.

“In your case,” she added, “we will need a completely new card for you. Which means you should consider choosing a new name for yourself. That must include a new surname.”

She watched me with a quiet, knowing look, like she had been waiting for this moment.

“May I call you Susu until you choose a new name? Susumu doesn’t quite sound right as you are.” Natalia-sama asked, laying a hand on my head.

My throat tightened and I sniffled, tears pricking at the corners of my soft green eyes.

Until now… only Reiko, Rui, and Ume had ever called me that.

“That…” I whispered, my voice shaking.

“Now, now…” Natalia murmured, drawing me into a hug, pressing her cheek against mine, her chest pressed against mine as she stroked my hair. “Susu suits you well. It will do fine for now.”

Her smile stayed tender, reassuring, accepting.

My chest fluttered again at the sound of it.

Susu...