Shinrabansho: Myriad Souls

You always sat alone on that swing, sulking like some brooding mob boss in miniature. Everyone gave you a ten-meter safety berth. The rumors about you were ridiculous… kidnappings, concrete boots, yakuza parents… but even the teachers seemed half-convinced.

I watched you for days. You never actually did anything. No bullying, no screaming, no picking fights. You just sat, hunched, letting the swing squeak. The more I watched, the more it annoyed me. If you were really dangerous, I wanted to see it. If you weren’t, I wanted to prove the rumors wrong.

It was blazing hot that day, everyone else hiding in the shade or screaming playfully as they ran around the jungle gym. I was done spectating. So I marched straight toward you, like I was storming a crime scene.

Up close, your face was even scarier. Heavy brows, sharp eyes, a permanent murder-glare… and yet you were just… sitting there. I put my hands on my hips so I wouldn’t fidget. If you were really a yakuza, I figured the fastest way to confirm it was just to ask.

So I did. Very bluntly. Point-blank.

“What kind of yakuza kid are you supposed to be? Which Family do you belong to?”

I wanted to see what you’d do. Would you brag, threaten, posture, or just crack.

You flinched like I’d stabbed you. For a second I braced myself for yelling… or a punch. Instead, what came out of you was… a pathetic, strangled noise.

Not the cool, dangerous yakuza response I’d imagined.

You looked like a killer and sounded like a terrified hamster. That mismatch threw me so hard my brain stalled out. Was this really the terrifying delinquent everyone avoided?

My instincts screamed at me… Test him properly.

If you were a yakuza, you wouldn’t take a hit lying down. If you weren’t… well, I’d find that out too.

I narrowed my eyes, gauged the distance, and my leg shot up on pure reflex. My foot connected with your chin with a satisfying thunk.

You flew off the swing like a ragdoll. For a heartbeat, I was thrilled by my own accuracy. Then you hit the sand and stayed there.

Cue instant panic.

When I saw the blood, my heart nearly stopped.

I hadn’t meant to hurt you that badly. One second you were terrifying… the next you were lying in the sand bleeding, looking completely stunned and weirdly… small.

The other kids yelled and scattered, and even the adults shouted… but I couldn’t move. I just stared at the red on your face. I hadn’t just kicked a yakuza princeling. I’d kicked a lonely boy who didn’t even know how to defend himself. The guilt hit me like a truck.

My training instincts flared again. I dropped into a fighting stance automatically, like I was in one of those sentai shows I loved so much. If you lunged at me, I’d be ready.

But then I saw your hands in the sand… and decided that you were acting. I imagined your next actions… The way you gripped the playground dirt I couldn’t help thinking you meant to throw it my eyes. My brain spun the worst scenario at light speed: blinded, humiliated, teachers yelling, parents called.

Terror trumped bravado.

“D-don’t throw sand in my face! You… dirty jerk!!!” I blurted, which was not exactly the cool one-liner I’d imagined myself shouting.

Instead of retaliating, you… cried.

It wasn’t even a dignified sniffle. Full-body, ugly, loud crying. Tears and snot flowing and everything.

The “dangerous yakuza kid” was bawling his eyes out because I’d kicked him once. My mental case file snapped into place. You weren’t a gangster. You just had a scary face and absolutely no idea how to exist around other people.

Something inside me twisted… part guilt, part… weirdly… fondness. I’d basically assaulted a puppy that happened to look like a pit bull.

Your crying made my chest clench. Everyone else was backing away, whispering, waiting for you to explode… and there you were, hunched in the sand, looking completely lost.

This was my fault.

Cheeks burning, I stepped closer and dug in my pocket for something… anything… that might fix what I’d done. The words tangled in my throat.

“H-hey, don’t cry. I… uh… I’m…”

I didn’t even know what I was trying to say. “Sorry?”... “You took that kick really well, actually…” None of it sounded right to me.

My fingers closed around the gacha keychain I’d won earlier that day. I really liked it… it was a rare drop, he had everything… a cool pose and a shiny helmet.

…And I shoved it at you without thinking.

“This is a rare gacha. Do you like Jetman?”

If you said no, I probably would’ve fought you again on principle. But mostly, I just wanted you to stop crying and stop looking at me like I’d shattered your world.

You stared at the keychain like I’d handed you treasure from another universe. Your fingers closed around it so carefully it made my throat tight.

When you finally looked up, your eyes were shiny and your nose was still bleeding a little.

“I do. Jetman’s the best.”

Then… hesitant, shaky, like you were stepping off a cliff… you asked me, “Can we be friends?”

Right then, I knew I’d kicked the softest-hearted “gangster” in all of Tokyo.

I held your gaze for a long second, weighing it. The rumors. The face. What was with the ridiculous crybaby meltdown? The way you held the Jetman figure like it was a lifeline…

My shoulders relaxed on their own.

“Yeah,” I said. “We can be friends.”

It felt… right. Like solving a mystery and finding the answer wasn’t scary at all.

I pushed the keychain fully into your hands. No take-backs. It seemed to glow in your palm like it belonged with you. When you looked at me again, your whole face softened… no less scary, exactly, but… brighter.

“I’m Reiko,” I said, staking the introduction like a flag. Then I added, because it was true,  “Though you look scary as hell, you’re crying. Though you look like a gangster, you’re not one. Too squishy. Pft. So… I guess you’ll do.”

You answered, clutching Jetman like he was a guardian spirit.

“I’m Susumu.”

I tilted my head, rolling the name around in my mind.

“Susumu? Like… ‘tomorrow’?”

You nodded, meek and hopeful.

“Huh. Then you’d better grow into the name. People named ‘Tomorrow’ shouldn’t give up so fast.”

I meant it. Even back then, I wanted you to have more than the role everyone tried to force on you.

We ended up sitting side by side on the swings. You didn’t swing much… just let the chains creak as you turned the Jetman keychain over and over in your hands like you were memorizing it by touch.

I kicked at the sand with the toes of my sneakers.

“So,” I muttered, glancing at you from the corner of my eye, “do your parents really, like, throw people into the bay or something?”

You startled. “Wh-what? No! My dad works in an office and reads the paper too much. He’s a jerk. Mommy cooks and stuff. It’s super boring.”

I snorted. “Figures. Though you look like a final boss, your parents are passive field bunnies.”

A tiny laugh slipped out of you, and hearing it made my chest feel light.

From that afternoon on, I told myself I’d be the one person who wasn’t afraid of you… and that if anyone else tried to mess with you, they’d have to go through me first.

Reiko-chan… I remember Jetman.

I think I still have the keychain in a box at home.

Keeping it with me at all times was how I treasured our friendship. Every day, I carried it with me. Whenever I forgot I had a friend, I only had to squeeze it.

I always smiled to put everyone at ease, but everyone just ran faster. They thought I was fondling a weapon in my pocket. I didn’t understand why until you explained that my smile was frightening for others.

I couldn’t stop smiling… it was just my nature.

Our friendship was born that day.

You came to my home every day afterwards.

We watched videos on the internet together and played fighting games. Ever since I met you, I wanted to look cooler and stronger. A guy who a girl can kick down all the time isn’t the kind of guy someone would love… or so I thought. I probably should have learned martial arts instead of sitting around playing video games, but discovering that you enjoyed them even more than I did made me want to play them all the more. Plus if I learned martial arts, it’d just convince people that I was a delinquent.

So instead of that, it became my goal to defeat you in those games.

My parents pressured me to approach you romantically since you were the only girl, let alone any kid who could stand my company. They thought you were a suitable girl and that I was an ugly boy who would never find love. Their family line would end with me. Given what they’d gotten the first time, they decided it wouldn’t be smart to try again. They had nightmares of going anywhere near the types of girls who might be attracted to me… prostitutes, users, yakuza lovers and such.

But the truth is… you meant more to me than anyone ever could.

Because of a fateful morning with my parents, I made up my mind to try to claim your heart. There was a strong chance your feelings would be reciprocated… but you destroyed me with your rejection.

Others might have moved on.

But I could not.

I know, Susumu.

You were always a crybaby.

I was so furious with you that I didn’t want to face you. I threw myself into my work to forget you for a while.

Reiko-chan! I’m so sorry I’ve always been too weak! I didn’t mean to ruin our friendship! All I wanted was to be happy together with you forever. But I was only thinking about myself. I never knew that you could only fall in love with girls. Maybe if I knew that, I wouldn’t have hurt so much, for so long. I would have accepted it… but… I would have been out of options. Who knows what I might have done? Maybe you sensed that I’d have spent the rest of my life as a shut in.

I know now you could never have been more than my best friend. After you destroyed my heart, I cried. I never told you. I couldn’t be that cool guy I thought you always wished I could be and I thought that was my path to happiness. Maybe it was. 

After that, you wouldn’t even see me. I fell apart without my only friend to support me. My father was finally moved to talk to me about my behavior. He set my path for me by getting me hired. The job was humble and unpleasant, but I worked hard and got an apartment of my own.

I decided I could still be the man you wanted.

I threw myself into my work to forget you for…

Susumu... I know you suffered. I know how hard you worked. I can see your memories, and you can see mine too, can’t you? I chased my dreams to become a reporter. One day, I would find you and apologize for how deeply I hurt you. By then we’d both be past the young love you felt for me. I started interning for a news network. Studying under Takigawa Marise was a dream come true. I knew my chance would come when I’d be able to report on television.

I learned about a series of murders that had been committed across Tokyo over many years. No one in the studio had any leads on the cause. There were no forensics or clues to point the way. Even the police were stumped. This was my opportunity to prove my ability to the world.

I investigated and tried to convince others to join me, but they all were terrified by the mysterious murderer. The person could appear without warning. The only clues I found the murders had in common was the fact that they involved the theft of valuable objects. No matter how the businesses safeguarded their records, money, computers, papers, and other assets, the guards were killed and the security bypassed effortlessly.

My investigations led me to another curious investigator. I was surprised when I met Rui. She was the most unbelievably adorable-looking girl I’d ever seen. She was wearing an oversized trenchcoat and sunglasses of all things. She seemed to think she was blending in.

I was worried about her safety at first, thinking she was just playing detective with pretend tools. But she proved me wrong immediately. Getting to know her — really know her — especially learning her real age, which stunned me… that’s when I fell in love with her. Her bravery and fearless nature reminded me so much of my own. She shared her clues with me, and I shared mine. One thing led to another, and we ended up in bed together. And that was when I finally learned she wasn’t fourteen at all. She was actually eighteen.

Oh, please don’t call me a lolicon. You know exactly how she looks. And you know how eager she can be. But… I can also feel how you slept beside her too… innocently… so maybe you won’t judge me for this. I know how you feel about her.

And though I don’t want to hurt you, Susu, I need to confess that the night I shared with her was magic. It gave me the courage to do what I needed to do afterward. I can tell your time with her gave you the same kind of determination. I had experienced true love with another woman. And after that… no matter what I had to do to crack the case, it felt worth it.

I had already been investigating some of the male suspects she’d lined up before we ever met, and I’d crossed several of them off her list. After that, we worked together to eliminate the rest one by one. That’s when I learned she had no spiritual abilities at all… even though our target would clearly be some kind of spiritual threat. And yet she kept throwing herself at yokai cases fearlessly. I decided she was at more risk than I was, especially since she had no formal martial arts training.

Eventually, I took control of the investigation as we narrowed it down to one particularly evil-looking jerk and two other possibilities. We happened to start with him. That was Tao Mitsuhiko. Despite how he looked, I thought he’d be a pushover… but investigating him took years of effort. The longer it went on, the harder it became to hide my true feelings. So I made the ultimate sacrifice. I slept with him… carefully… using the best contraceptives and creams I could get my hands on.

It was truly scarring. I hated him since the first night we shared. I hid it well, though. Even after that, he still didn’t let his guard down. So I agreed to marry him. I could always get him back by leaving him at the altar like a fool. I thought that would be the only hollow victory I could score, but he finally made a critical mistake. Thinking my heart was in his pocket, he completed one of his bloody rituals I suspected he was guilty of. I saw his scroll glowing. It was hard to wait for the right moment, but the moment came while blood was smeared all over his naked body.

I stole his scroll and ran for my life...

I know this story from Mitsuhiko, that cold-eyed bastard. He told me about it as though he was proud of breaking you. Damn him!

Damn him! I can remember what he said to you. It was true for the most part, except for the parts where he pretended to be a noble protector. He took delight in dismantling a proud woman. All he wanted was to shape me into what he wished. He at least admitted his true ambitions at the end when he tried to break you too. I fought fiercely, knowing his physical strength and condition were superior to mine. I couldn’t stand the idea that he was going to do what he wished with me. I snapped, and something poured from me… something I couldn’t understand.

Noh-face prime was born from my own feelings. I’d worn a mask for a long time. I felt faceless with him. He demeaned me in ways I can’t even describe. When it appeared, I felt a connection to it. It was a part of my heart. That core of violence and buried strength within me came to life on its own. Somehow, I sent it after that bastard. He did something I had never seen before. His shadow came alive and started to battle the creature I had given birth to. I wasn’t sure how strong my creation truly was, so I ran off with the scroll. If only I could reach safety, everything would be fine.

I got out of his tower without any issues. The staff knew me and let me go, even though I was rushing through. Mitsuhiko was too distracted by fighting Noh-face to call his security on me. He trusted me entirely until then. I’d won.

I got to the train and boarded it. Oh, Susumu… it caught me on the train. It did to me what I later did to you. It was the violence inside me… my own shadow. I was taken apart by it in a car full of passengers. I was its first victim. They fled screaming. After breaking me apart, it stole my face after whisking me out a broken window.

What I became after that destroyed me. It’s truly amazing you survived the exact same experience. You were truly strong. As strong as you think I am, I was utterly crushed. I couldn’t go to Rui looking like that. I had no place left in the world. If I had gone to her… maybe… I might have survived like you. I’d have had a showdown with it within my Cinderella Deadline to reclaim my humanity. But I didn’t know I was on borrowed time at that time… I didn’t even know the proper name for it until our hearts started joining.