Shinrabansho: Myriad Souls

“Pride is worth nothing in the face of certain oblivion.”

—Susumu

Tactics must change to suit the situation. My on the spot made up wise words weren’t exactly Sun Tzu-tier, but in the moment of panic I was willing to borrow genius from anyone wise enough to help me survive.

I only knew one famous Sun Tzu line from school… and believe me, history wasn’t my strongest subject. But that line suddenly glowed in my brain like a divine revelation.

“The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” —Sun Tzu

A tactical illumination hit me so hard I nearly ascended.

Putting my quote and his together, the correct strategy became obvious.

“I’M SORRY!!!”

I threw myself onto the hallway floor like a collapsing marionette.

I pressed my helmeted face against the linoleum.

“I’m dirt! I’m garbage!” I wailed. “I’m a smear on your hallway floor! Please forgive these awful noises coming off of me like toxic fumes!”

I grovelled harder.

“This poo is sorry! This poo desperately needs the great detective’s help! Please don’t step on me… you’ll get contaminated!”

Halfway through, my pride spasmed and a tiny spark of indignation slipped out.

“What kind of business turns away a desperate, paying customer?! Why does gender matter?! Please, great loli-sama, spare me!”

She lifted her foot as if to squash me like a bug.

“I—I mean, to step on me would dirty your very stylish shoes!” I squeaked.

Then I noticed she was barefoot.

Crap. Abort. ABORT.

No choice but to continue the performance.

“I BEG YOU!”

I slammed my forehead on the floor repeatedly until the old linoleum began to crack. My butt stuck up helplessly, but if she wanted to hit me there she’d have to walk around, and maybe I’d see it coming.

Whatever she chose to do to me would still pale in comparison to what Noh-face had done.

She looked between me and her bat thoughtfully… calculating arcs, angles, trajectories. Her stare sliced through me like twin lasers.

Minutes passed.

Five… ten… maybe fifteen…

I didn’t breathe. I don’t think I could breathe anymore.

Finally she moved.

She swung the bat with her full strength.

I winced and braced for oblivion. My imagination conjured the elevator shaft behind me opening into a bottomless pit. Was she going to kick me straight into hell?

The bat struck with a violent…

CRACK!

…Crumble.

There was no pain.

I blinked.

I was still alive.

The bat, however, was now embedded in the floor. Deeply. Like she’d tried to slay the building itself.

She turned away from me with a derisive huff, walked back to the office door, leaned against the frame, and finally scoffed.

“Hmph. Why are you here? I’m not letting you into my office until you speak.”

I stared at the bat quivering in the floorboards. It was still vibrating. So was I.

She watched me coolly. Annoyed. Impatient. Completely unimpressed with my existence.

“You can go if you won’t speak,” she snapped, turning to re-enter her office. “My favorite show is airing right now, and your very presence is seriously pissing me off.”

“As I said!” I shouted, springing upright and nearly slipping on my own terror. “I was attacked! By a noh-face! You’re a yokai specialist, right? Aren’t you my guy?!”

I threw the office’s silly pun at her.

Her eyes narrowed. “…Is that supposed to be an insult?”

“I—It was your office’s slogan or whatever!” I sputtered. “Was it you that wrote it? Who else could write something so atrocious? Anyway… listen… I’ve become a yokai! Look at me! Am I still actually a man? I don’t think so! But if you kick me in the nuts, do I not cry?!”

She blinked slowly.

“…Okay?” she said flatly.

I rushed onward. “I need to find it before midnight! Or I’ll lose everything… my identity, my mind… be a monster forever! My life isn’t worth much, but it’s all I really have. Please! If I turn into a full yokai, imagine how annoying I’ll become.” I extended an index finger, my pose almost sentai-worthy. “I’m already insufferable enough.”

She sighed deeply.  “Why would that be my business? One more yokai in Tokyo won’t change anything.”

Crap. That didn’t land.

I scrambled for another angle.

“W-Why do you hate men so much? Detective-sama, please, why do you hate me so much?”

She stared at me like I’d grown another head.

“Do you really think I’d tell some stranger who showed up on my doorstep, let alone a filthy yokai with balls, what I feel or think?” She sighed sharply. “I don’t hate you specifically for your information. Even if you’re annoying, somewhat male, and a monster… You’re just that. Annoying.”

She jabbed a finger at me.

“That’s all there is to it.”