Rising Shards

It didn’t exactly feel like it did when Ko and I were dating as we weaved through our classmates dancing, but that was alright. Maybe it was for the best. Ko telling me she wanted us to stay friends forever was something I didn’t realize I needed to hear before. When we broke up, my gut told me that even though we agreed to stay friends, that we’d probably drift apart over time. I braced for that. But hearing her want to stay friends with me...it was nice. While what we had wasn’t built on the most stable foundation, and the metaphorical house of our relationship built on top of that had its own major design flaws, it was still ours.

I knew I likely wouldn’t run back to the devils and suddenly we’d all form a perfect polycule, but the desire was in my heart. I kept telling myself to just enjoy this, to just have fun and not worry about what it all meant, but I couldn’t help but harbor a small wish beneath my selfish and probably outlandish dreams.

I hope Ko gets along with them.

As Ko and I searched around, dancing a bit along the way, I thought back to a conversation we had when our relationship was starting to fall apart, when I merely suggested Ko look into polyamorous relationships. If she wasn’t interested, I obviously couldn’t press it, but there was a discrepancy I found troubling.

”You’re setting yourself up for failure, I think,” I said.

”How so?” Ko asked.

”You only want to date one person at a time, but you flirt with everyone,” I said. This argument also started when Ko told me a story of a girl breaking up with her after she flirted with a cashier, which was probably a red flag in itself, but I saw it as something to work through.

”Not everyone,” Ko said. ”I haven’t flirted at all since we’ve started dating. Er, with anyone else, I mean.”

”Right,” I said. ”But you miss it, don’t you?”

”I dunno...” Ko said. ”I just...isn’t dating one person how it’s like...”

”If you’re going to say ’supposed to be,’ I have more than a few counterarguments,” I said.

No matter what I said though, we couldn’t see eye to eye on this. But I felt like it was an answer to Ko’s problems. She kept herself to one relationship at a time, or at least tried to. But then she struggled to keep with just a single relationship, her desires pulling her elsewhere. Again, I couldn’t decide this for her, and I couldn’t change her if it wasn’t what she wanted. 

Maybe it was for the best. If I did convince her to try a polycule, then I’d be dating Roxana as well, most likely. And from my brief interactions with her so far, she was not someone I wanted to be with. Her brash personality alone was one thing, but if it was true she continuously ruined Ko’s relationships, I wasn’t sure how being in the middle of a volatile relationship between those two would go. I also had to remind myself that just because Ko and Roxana had a fight today didn’t mean that was just wrapped up neatly in a bow. Ko didn’t have to follow my advice to ignore Roxana for the rest of the dance. I hoped she did for her sake, but I didn’t know.

The devils were dancing together now, and I felt warmth just seeing them again. That’s odd, isn’t it? I still barely know them. We’ve only really hung out a few times. The way Sai cheered at my return made me feel very welcomed, though.

Just before reaching them, though, a girl who I couldn’t quite place waved as a purple haired girl left, the two looking satisfied with how their dance had gone as the latter walked away.

”I’ve danced with like four girls already,” The familiar-looking girl in the dress whispered to me, wonder in her voice. I wasn’t sure why she told me, I couldn’t quite place her. ”She had me dance with like three other girls, then! We danced again!”

”Congratulations...?” I said, not able to hide the confusion in my voice.

”Wanna make that five?” Ko asked.

The girl’s eyes went wide.

”I...that’s...would you want to?” she asked.

”Why not?” Ko said. ”Say, wait, you look familiar...”

Neither of us could place it though, but Ko’s request seemed to overwhelm the girl.

”I...I need a second, sorry!” she said as she darted off.

”Might’ve come on too strong there,” Ko said. ”She was really cute, though...”

”She was...” I said.

”I’ll dance with you, if you don’t mind me as a replacement,” Esther said. The emerald haired girl approached Ko. ”Not to split you two up, but I think there are two others who’ve been waiting for you to get back.”

Esther nodded toward Sai and Anastasia.

”Ahhh, interesting,” Ko said. It reminded me of when she found out Roux and Latte were interested in me, and tried to turn it into some strange competition. Another point where we could have maybe just all tried dating, but that was a regret for another day. Well, maybe not a total regret, I think Latte and I would be completely incompatible, but alas. ”And I’d love to dance with a girl as gorgeous as you.”

Esther giggled. As those two got closer, I approached Ana and Sai. The other three devils, Charmaine, Myles, and Ash, weren’t dancing with anyone in particular, but all of them seemed to be having a good time as well.

”We went to get food and hang out for a bit, but it got boring real quick,” Sai said. ”Plus, Ana’s looking for someone.”

I egotistically thought they were talking about me, but the words caught in my throat.

”I think she’s playing soon, so I don’t know if we can find her now,” Ana said.

”Oh?” I said.

”Ana’s smitten with one of the singers tonight,” Sai said.

”I’m not ’smitten,’ just...” Anastasia said.

”Uh huh, sure,” Sai said.

I felt a strange twinge of disappointment. Did I want Anastasia to be looking for me? I thought back to the times we’d argued since meeting, and just how she treated her sisters in general. Maybe it wasn’t a bad thing if she was looking for someone else?

With Ko and Esther dancing near me, and Sai and Ana in front, my mind was a mess, and telling myself to just have fun and enjoy the dance didn’t make my thoughts any clearer. It was like there were too many people at once, but in a happy, almost maddeningly exciting sort of way. If I was stuck in that dating show game in the void now, I’d feel much more inclined to try something out with my new-ish friends.

Well, you don’t have to be on a dating show, I thought. We could try something now.

I liked the idea of that. It didn’t make things clearer, exactly, but it gave me a compass point to direct to.

”Shall we, then?” I said, holding my hand out to Sai, and after thinking about it for a moment, another hand to Anastasia.

”Yes, we shall,” Sai said as they and Ana reached out to grab my hands.

I was ready for a moment that felt like frolicking through a field of flowers, but we all remained still, uncertain of what to do now.

”Uh...” Ana said. ”Are we going to dance in a circle or something?”

”Maybe we can just dance like we did before,” I said, blushing as I let go of them. The two just laughed, though, which made me feel better.