Rising Shards

I was running somewhere. It didn’t matter where, all that mattered was the wind in my face and the feeling of true freedom, the likes of which I’d never felt before. I was myself, but not really, my body finally shifted thanks to the scratch I got from Kalei’s Downside form. She was running right beside me, both of us lost in some forest, both of us having shifted fully to monstrous forms. Again, it didn’t matter where we were headed, as long as we were together. My changed body was scary, but I felt overjoyed to have any kind of different shape. I picked Kalei up, biting her neck like a mama cat picking up her babies, taking flight high into the sky.

We reached all the way to the clouds, both of us giggling (I didn’t worry about how I was laughing while carrying Kalei by her scruff). But the bright clouds darkened. A shadow approached, one I couldn’t really perceive. But I wasn’t afraid, I was in my new form. I was ready for whatever it was. Just as the monstrous force reached us...

I woke up. In my room, same form as always.

”Dang it,” I said, strangely disappointed I didn’t wake up looking like some kind of griffin monster. Just regular old Marmalade.

”Bad dream?” Zeta asked.

”Oh.” I didn’t realize she was there. It was early morning, before class, just a few days left before the prom. ”Yeah...kinda. I was flying, and...now I’m not.”

”Aw, dang, I hate ones like that,” Zeta said. ”It’s always such a bummer being back in reality after being in a really cool dream.”

It was just us that morning, I wasn’t sure where Kalei got off to. I had a panicked moment wondering if I slept through some early morning class, but I didn’t have that scheduled.

After I got ready, Zeta was already set to go in full uniform.

”Wanna get breakfast?” she asked.

I almost immediately answered no, but stopped before saying that out loud.

”Yeah, that sounds great,” I said.

It wasn’t like I was actively trying to avoid her. Just with Kalei keeping Downside on the, well, downside, it made it harder to be around Zeta and the others. I kept telling Kalei to just fess up to them already, but she was struggling with it. I understood it in a way, it reminded me a bit of coming out. Some people were easy to tell, and others weren’t.

Still, I felt like I’d been a bad friend. Why would I stop talking to Zeta, who was a comrade in being a fellow trans girl? She may have bad taste, but she was always super nice to me. I’d been giving her the cold shoulder (Kalei’s ice power pun unintended) to protect the girl I cared most about, but that was still tough to handle.

”Um, before we go,” Zeta said. ”Can I just ask a quick question?”

I could guess what she was going to say. ”Sure.”

Zeta fidgeted with her tie. ”I don’t wanna pry, because Kalei said she’s gonna tell us, but...you know, don’t you? Whatever this thing is?”

My silence was an answer enough.

”Frick, I’m sorry to do this first thing in the morning,” Zeta said.

”It’s fine,” I said, my tone way colder than I intended it to be.

”We’re all just worried about her,” Zeta said. ”If it’s something cool like you two are dating and you just wanted to wait until the right time to tell us, then don’t even say anything. Just...if everything’s OK, could you say so and help ease up my worrying a bit?”

I wished it were just that. It’d be amazing if it was just that, and if it weren’t so early, I’d be over the moon at someone else thinking Kalei and I were dating. I was being quiet too long, and needed to do something. For some reason, my mind thought the best idea would be to put my hands on Zeta’s shoulders and meet eye to eye. That freaked her out a bit, clearly, but I held her in place, wondering what I was going to even say. I couldn’t lie to her, but I also couldn’t tell her.

”She’s OK,” I said. ”We’re OK. It’s nothing super big. Just...kinda personal, I guess.”

I took my hands off of her, watching as she processed that. ”OK...OK, sure. One more...last thing, I promise.”

”Go for it,” I said.

”If...things did get bad with whatever this, uh, personal situation is, you’d tell us, right?” Zeta asked. ”Because I know I’m not always a good friend, but we all care about you and Kalei. We’d drop everything to help.” The way she was stammering through this kinda broke my heart. If Kalei didn’t tell her after the dance, I’d be super pissed even if I did love her.

I resisted the urge to hold her in place by her shoulders again (I was a fair bit taller than her so she was at perfect shoulder grabbing height, I guess) and just nodded.

”We’d tell you. Like immediately,” This was kind of a lie, but I told myself if things got worse than they were between now and prom I’d just tell Zeta and the others myself. ”So don’t worry. Er, well, I know that doesn’t make worries go away.”

”Yeah...” Zeta said. She checked the time. ”Frick, I don’t want to make you miss breakfast. Sorry to bug you with this.”

”You’re totally fine, really,” I said. I wished I could say something, anything that would help. I could’ve said something. But I guess I was more like Kalei than I realized, because even without her asking me not to, I don’t think I would have told Zeta anything there.

We left to have a nice breakfast, where I didn’t blab any details about Downside or what we were up to. I did find myself feeling longing to say something else though. I really, really wanted to ask Zeta why she thought Kalei and I were dating.