Rising Shards

As I tried to come up with some supportive texts to my little sister as she got ready for her big void trip, Evy got ready nearby. She finished her breakfast already, while I was still nibbling at mine, stopping frequently to send Zeta some more texts. As Evy got her coat on, I could read her body language out of the corner of my eye.

“Sorry, I’m not ignoring you,” I said, sensing some ’Are you ignoring me?’ worry from her body language. “Just giving Zeta some last-minute motivations and hopefully calming words.”

“You’re such a good big sister,” Evy said.

“I…try.” I said, finishing another text and setting my phone down before I sent Zeta another paragraph. “Are you off, then?”

“Uh huh,” Evy said. “I’ll probably be back a little later tonight with the whole trip. You gonna bring some more boxes down today?”

“Probably,” I said. I needed something to take my mind off of worrying about Zeta, and moving would probably help there.

“Do you maybe need some last-minute motivations and hopefully calming words?” Evy asked.

“Maybe,” I said.

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Evy said. “This trip’s like a rite of passage for first year Cani. Even if it gets all…”

“Atrian vs. Endoran-y?” I asked.

“Yeah, but that’s normal, I’m sure you went through it at Staverius.” Evy said. “Zeta’ll do great.”

”Dude,” I said, remembering how my void training went when I was in school. “My Atrian vs. Endoran thing had the same amount of students as the turnout of my academic decathlon meets. Staverius never has many Cani as students. This feels like…the big leagues.”

Evy sighed. “Yeah, I could see this being pretty scary, then.” She walked over to me and kissed my forehead. The gesture had me almost dizzy for a second from the sweetness. “I’ll keep her safe.”

”Thank you,” I said. “Then, when you’re back tonight, I’ll give you a big reward.”

“Oh?” Evy asked, raising her eyebrows. “A big reward, huh?”

“Uh huh,” I said, poking at my scrambled eggs with my fork, formulating a plan in my head. “Big reward.”

“Well, I’ll look forward to that,” Evy said.

* * *

I was hoping to spend my day in a horny daydream about the big reward and how Evy would react to it. In truth, I had the idea for the big reward a bit earlier when I was looking at Evy’s shelves. But even though I was able to make a quick shopping stop to ensure big reward could be supplied, my day was not spent in a horny daydream. It wasn’t even spent moving. Because about as soon as I reached my apartment and grabbed one box, Evy called me.

“OK, don’t freak out,” She started, making me immediately freak out. “But there’s just a bit of a raid going on.”

“Alright,” I said, unable to hide the panic in my voice, because Evy sounded panicked and I’d never heard that from her. “What…how bad is it?”

“Well, we know the school, so it’s not a curveball situation,” Evy said. “But…”

“Is Zeta OK?” I asked. That came out less scared and more of a demand. More of a “Do I have to haul my ass over there to get Zeta out of whatever mess the Endoran school was putting her through” kind of tone.

“We’re working on it,” Evy said. “They can’t…there are rules they have to follow. They can’t just go nuts and severely hurt anyone. But we’re having trouble getting connected with the students. This is a pretty widespread raid, so we’re all scrambling here.”

I was nearing a full-blown anxiety attack. About half my supportive texts were just telling Zeta nothing major would happen, and now that seemed like a lie. I knew the risks about her going to a Cani school, but I apparently wasn’t prepared to deal with those risks actually happening.

Evy didn’t have long to talk because she had other guardians and parents to call, but she did her best to comfort me. Despite my own fears, the way she sounded made me want to drop everything and console her instead.

I spent a few hours pacing around my apartment, falling into a spiral of thinking about the nightmare scenarios here. Of losing Zeta, either by her being lost in the void and unable to be found, or worse. I hadn’t heard anything from Evy. Right as I was at peak worry, my phone rang. I was prepared for it to be Evy calling, but it was Zeta.

“Hello?” I said.

“Stella?” Zeta said. She was OK. She sounded like she was crying, but hearing her voice in the present made me feel infinitely more optimistic.

“Zeta? What’s wrong?” I asked. “Evy said there was a raid. Are you safe?”

“I’m really scared, and I don’t know what to do.” Zeta said.

“Where are you? What’s happening?” I asked. “How did you get a connection in—”

“I feel really sick. Like I’m dying. My heart is pounding so much, and I’m so dizzy I feel like I’m gonna faint.”

“Can you get help?” I asked. I didn’t know how she could get help, but maybe a teacher had found them or one of her friends were nearby.

“I can’t…” Zeta said. “I’m all alone.”

“Just tell me everything. Keep talking to me.” I said.

Zeta told me about her entire trip, where her class’s raid seemed to be led by Zeta’s ex, which made things much more complicated.

”I...it’s hard to breathe, Stella.” Zeta said. ”My heart won’t stop pounding...”

“I think I know what’s happening to you, Zeta.” I said. “Just listen to me, and I’ll get you through this.”

Zeta didn’t understand what I meant, thinking it had to do with her current situation in the void.

“I think you’re having a panic attack,” I said. “Can you do me a favor and breathe very slowly?”

“I’ll…try.” Zeta said.

“Here, deep breath, do it with me,” I said, breathing in. I realized I probably should have taken my own advice a bit earlier and did some deep breathing to somewhat ward away the panic, but better late than never there. “Now hold for a sec…and let it out. Let’s do that a couple times.”

We breathed it out, continuing to talk. I didn’t know how long she could stay on the line with a connection in the void, so I just focused on making her feel as safe as possible.

“Isn’t it weak?” Zeta asked. “If I wasn’t weak, I could have done something to stop this.”

“It’s not weak,” I said. “Our fights with ourselves make us strong. I’m not a professional, but I know what I go through. It sounds like the same thing you’re facing. Fear so great that every day feels like your last. Something so terrifying it makes just living a battle, because when it’s bad, every moment feels like your last.”

“How do you keep going when it happens?” Zeta asked. “How do you keep going? I…can barely…”

“It’s a fight,” I said. “Every day is a fight when it’s really bad. But that doesn’t mean I get to give up. I won’t let myself. There are too many people who need me. And you can’t either. No matter what. Keep taking slow, gentle breaths.”

Somehow, we both managed to talk ourselves into a calmer place. Zeta was OK, she was smart and crafty, she could figure this out.

“I know it’s gonna be really tough getting out of there,” I said. “But I know you can do it. Everything will be OK.”

Zeta didn’t answer, but I could practically hear what she was thinking in her silence.

“I’m your sister, you know when I’m lying to you,” I said. “And I’m not lying now. Everything will be OK. I promise. You have everything it takes to make it through.”

“Thank you, Stella. I think I have to go now.” Zeta said. “I’m gonna get out of this.”

“I love you. Please stay safe.” I said.

“I will. Thank you. I love you too.” Zeta said.

With that, it was up to her. I collapsed on my couch but didn’t stay there long. I grabbed one box just to have something accomplished that day and headed to my car, knowing I’d be driving straight to the school. While I felt confident Zeta would be alright after talking to her, I hoped Evy wasn’t hit too hard by all of this either.