Rising Shards

On Thursdays, Stella always made tea for herself after work. Since moving in with Evy, she asked if she could join in on the tradition. Usually, she had a ton of gossip about her coworkers, but now Stella was working there. 

So it was a bit of a bummer that they didn’t really have much to say. It made sense after how calamitous the last weekend was, but Stella was hoping for some normalcy. 

“Great tea!” Evy said, stirring her teabag around in her cup a few turns more than normal.

Stella stared into her cup.

“Alright, what’s up?” Stella asked. 

”Huh?” Evy asked.

”It’s just, ” Stella said. “I’m not gonna pry if it’s…I just noticed you’re kind of off this week. I am too, but. I feel like it’s something other than what happened last weekend. So. Is something up or am I just being overly anxious because of everything else?”

Evy met eyes with Stella. She smacked her hands on the table (not too harshly, but in a determined way).

“I’m no good at secrets, especially keeping them from you,” Evy sighed. “But you’re right. There’s something on my mind that’s bugging me, something I should really tell you. It’s kind of a long story.”

“OK.” Stella said, her heartrate rising immediately.

“It’s really stupid,” Evy said. ”But if I don’t say it, it’s going to really bug me because I’m such a goofus for letting it happen.”

“Just tell me, I’m ready for it.” Stella said.

“So on your first day, Zeta and her friends were working on those pens, right?” Evy asked.

Stella squinted.

“They made a game about throwing the pens…and they kinda found ones I charmed like fifteen years ago to prank Mrs. Paine.” Evy said. “And they kind of went off and hit that old-ass bookcase. And kind of broke the glass. And stabbed an old book.”

Stella took a sip of tea.

“And then after I fixed the glass, I brought Zeta and pals to a bookstore to get a replacement,” Evy said. “And I’ve been feeling really bad about it since then. Even more so after Zeta’s whole family reunion, because. I dunno, I feel like I added stress to a really stressful time for you.”

Stella blinked a bunch of times. “Oh. So you were just. Huh.” She said. She took another sip of tea before she started crying.

“Oh, hey,” Evy said, rushing beside her. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not that,” Stella said. “I mean, it’s kinda that, but not really, but.”

“I’m really sorry I didn’t just say right away,” Evy said. “Zeta was pretty upset and scared, and it was your first day, so I wanted to keep it quiet. And then the whole last weekend happened and that obviously took priority. ”

“I appreciate that,” Stella said. “It’s more that I maybe sort of got on a freakout tangent there that I’m maybe still on.”

“What was the freakout tangent?” Evy asked.

“I thought…” Stella sighed. “I keep seeing Caya now at work, I mean duh, we work at the same place. And she’s just like such an intimidating figure that…she’s strong and beautiful and…and when you were all weird talking about school. I guess I just thought like. You got feelings for her again.”

“Oh, god Stel, it’s not that,” Evy said.

Stella couldn’t form any more words, she just cried as Evy held her.

“It wasn’t Caya.” Evy said, gently rocking her back and forth. “That’s been done for a long time. This was just me fixing something dumb I did in high school that could’ve messed your first day up.”

Evy rubbed her back. “Do you wanna sit somewhere more comfy?”

The two headed to the couch where Stella cried for a long while with Evy beside her. “It’s been a week, I guess.”

”I know it,” Evy said. “I’m sorry I made it harder, Stel.”

“It’s not your fault I have anxiety,” Stella said. ”I still have to work on my thought patterns and stuff. I guess it’s something I always have to work at. It’s not your fault my parents are a major trigger and decided to worm their way back into my life out of nowhere, and tried to take Zeta, and that my response to all that is to just fall back into my bad thought patterns and assume the worst of everything is about to happen.”

“I hate seeing you sad.” Evy said. “And anxious, too. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better right now?”

“I just gotta cry this out,” Stella said. “Just don’t…”

“I won’t, I’ll stay right here.” Evy said.

“Thank you.” Stella said.

After a good, long cry, Stella felt more embarrassed than anything. She still had the lingering pangs of anxiety that would definitely give her an upset stomach for a week, but those weren’t going away for a good while after Zeta’s incident with their parents.

“I feel like you’ve been doing the heavy lifting as of late,” Stella said. “All I do is cry lately.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with crying,” Evy said. “And you do plenty, Stel. You cook better meals than I ever could, you’re caring—nobody’s ever been there for me like you have. Sex is beyond perfect with you, just being in your physical proximity recharges me like one of those super phone charger things that you can just set your phone near.”

“You’re so good to me…” Stella said. “I don’t know what to give you. I don’t give you enough.”

“You do, though,” Evy said, her lower lip quivering. “You give me so much.”

“Like what?”

“Like, you,” Evy said. “You give me you. And you giving me you means a lot. To me.” Evy’s voice started to shake. “I don’t cry around anyone really. But thinking about how much I care about you makes me…Stel…” She wiped her eyes. “Now here I go.”

Stella hugged her gently, not used to seeing Evy upset like this.

“Evy…now I made you cry…” Stella said. “Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want to be alone?”

“You stay too,” Evy said. “We’re just gonna have a crying night.”

“OK,” Stella said. “I won’t go anywhere.”

Evy apparently needed to let out some big emotions as well, as she was full-on sobbing as she and Stella held onto each other. They didn’t talk as much as when Stella was crying, but Evy said one thing as her tears started to lessen.

“You’re doing so good, don’t beat yourself up about it,” Evy said. “I’m so happy with you.”

 * * *

Once Stella pulled herself together, she had to make a quick stop at the store while Evy finished some assignment corrections. It took a lot of convincing on Stella’s end to make sure Evy knew she was OK enough to go shopping for just a few minutes.

Stella returned with a deluxe bag of pizza poppers as an apology. Evy’s eyes widened like she’d just been gifted a solid gold bar.

“Oh…it’s a limited-edition flavor and everything!” Evy said. “For us?”

“For you!” Stella said. “I can put them on right away. I know you like to microwave em, but I have a method in the oven that in my opinion gives them a better taste.”

“That sounds great to me.” Evy said.

As Stella presented the perfectly cooked bowl of limited-edition triple garlic blue tomato sauce pizza poppers to Evy, she bowed her head.

“I’m really sorry about all that again,” Stella said. “All I could think on the drive to the store was ‘I can’t believe I just did that again,’” Stella said. “It’s like friggin’ clockwork every time I date someone.”

“It’s OK,” Evy said. “You got pizza poppers! Limited-edition! I’ve been wanting to try these, but I couldn’t find them anywhere…”

Stella sat down next to her.

“I just, when things are good early on,” Stella started. “If I actually make it to a good part of a relationship…I always…if they don’t cut and run when they see I take care of Zeta, I usually get scared and self-destruct it right after anyways. And you’re somehow still here.”

“That wasn’t much of a self-destruct, admittedly.” Evy said. “I’ve done way worse blow ups. You just had a long week after you’ve already been through a lot lately. I had a long week too; we both just needed to let it out.”

“Evy…” Stella said. “I guess I just feel super bad for getting so self-conscious, while you were covering up an old prank to protect me. I’m just really sorry.”

“I’m sorry too, babe.” Evy said. “I’m glad we talked it out though. Caya and I never talked things out. We’d get pissed and just stew in it and never bring it up again. And it just built and built…blech.”

Stella let Evy enjoy her meal before she continued.

“Can I ask you some things?” Stella asked. “If they’re too much I’ll back off because I know Caya’s a sensitive topic.”

“Sure, I can do that for you,” Evy said.

“And if any of these are too much—”

“I’ll be OK, Stella.”

“I know these are really intrusive and if they’re probably like not cool or anything as…your…partner to ask…I just—”

“I want to help you not worry.” Evy said. “And like I said, I’d so much rather talk this out than let it stew.”

“OK…” Stella said. “Would you…stay with me if she asked you out again?”

“Yep. No question.” Evy answered immediately, firmly, and concisely. “Me and her didn’t end so well as a couple. Like, really badly actually. Like ‘strained about talking to each other for years despite working at the same place’ bad. Plus, she’s married.”

“What’s the deal with her and Aki anyways? I’ve never seen them together.” Stella asked.

“To tell you the truth,” Evy said. “Something’s up with it. I don’t know what, I’m still friends with Caya, but like she keeps that stuff completely away from me.”

“What do you mean? The something up part.”

“Like…I’ve never seen them together either. I’ve never even met Aki. I could maybe kinda buy some of those conspiracy theories online about him.”

“Hm. Huh…”

“But it’s not really my business.” Evy said. “Caya’s always been someone who likes to keep a lot closed up. Another reason I’d pick you is that I don’t wanna go back to how things were with her in that regard.”

“So things are better…with me?” Stella asked, tilting her head to one side.

Evy nodded.

“Did you mean it when you said you’re so happy with me?”

“One hundred percent.”

“Can I get really petty about Caya for the next few questions?”

Evy smirked. “Please.”

“Am I…more attractive than her?” Stella asked, twirling her hair in her fingertips.

“She is hot, sure,” Evy said. “But she’s got nothing on you.”

“Mhmm, I like that,” Stella said. “But she’s all muscular, and I’m a shrimp.”

“You got curves, girl,” Evy said. “Plus, all that muscle doesn’t mean she’s good at using it in the ways that count, you know?”

Stella let out her patented “Evy made me do a gut laugh that would be immensely embarrassing in front of anyone else” gut laugh.

“Well, she didn’t know what she had with you either,” Stella said. She bit her lip. “So are you feeling very full from all those pizza poppers? Like ‘need to lie down for a bit’ full?”

“Hasn’t hit me yet,” Evy said, smirking as she read Stella’s tone. “May I ask why, my dear Stella?”

“Just thinking of giving you another treat.” Stella said.

“A treat, huh?” Evy asked. “I’m definitely interested. What kind of treat are you thinking?”

“This one’s a surprise too,” Stella said, booping Evy’s nose. “Close your eyes.”

Evy obliged, starting a very good night between her and Stella.