One-Eyed Monster

This sense of loss suddenly began to permeate the entire atmosphere, and in that instant, Kuyi Tulan felt that their plan was already half successful.

The feeling of loss made the Shadow Ghost’s pride vanish without a trace, as if the whole sky had darkened because of this emotion. Slowly, the Shadow Ghost started to narrate, overwhelmed by sadness from this loss; the sadness made him reminisce about the past, which always continuously stirred his heart.

This painful sensation, he wanted to share it.

He wanted to share it with someone who recognized him.

He, powerful as he was, met many people who surrounded him and supported him greatly, yet none truly acknowledged him. He knew these people bowed before him because they feared him. He subdued them all with his strength; they succumbed under his power.

Tragic things always happen this way; what comes from force is destined not to be beautiful. Those who submit to his power are merely a bunch of clowns. If he changes his face, they would adopt a different attitude. He thought this was his sorrow, being fully understood by everyone, the most heartbreaking feeling as well.

All those who followed him were always like this, rising and falling, the things he wanted were always so elusive.

He gained unexpected power, possessed all that others envied, yet he couldn’t find joy. He felt he lost something, and that lost thing was often the best. No one knew exactly what it was. His past was always so difficult to recall, constantly leaving him entangled.

The person in front of him flattered him with a slew of compliments, words that made him feel quite comfortable, but he knew it was all fake; this was all happening because his strength had crushed the other, it was the power gap that forced this person to be obsequious.

Yet, he couldn’t help it; he couldn’t help but feel happy, even though he knew it was wrong.

He felt uncomfortable and joyful, a torrent of complex emotions flowing within him, despite not having a complete physical body now.

This inability to restrain himself led him to plunge in, knowing it was a trap, yet couldn’t resist jumping in it. He couldn’t explain why.

Perhaps it was because he had utmost confidence in his strength.

Perhaps it was because he had been suppressed for too long and wanted to burst forth.

Yes, it’s been so long, what was it all for? An old, unyielding man rampaging through the world, what was it all for?

Was there anything he couldn’t readily obtain, anything that could still captivate his interest?

No, not materially, he could obtain what he wanted, experience the feelings he desired, everything he wanted was before him.

Yet, he still felt something was missing.

He had never confided, never revealed; all he had was wrapped in lies.

Whether it was Death or Black Crow, everything was a lie. These lies led these members to serve him with fear and longing, searching for him...

What was all this for, now it seemed he couldn’t fathom it anymore.

It seemed, having gained everything made him even more confused; so many times he felt he was no longer himself. He felt guided by a mysterious force, a puppet, a marionette; everything he did was for others...

Where was himself, what did he look like?

When this question formed in his mind, he felt an urge to confess.

Even though this guy in front of him always tried to lure him with flattery, even though he already knew it was all a trap, he nonetheless had to speak.

Because he had already arrived here, he needed to find that answer.

The problem that had been troubling him all along was right here. This is where he was buried.

The words poured out; he couldn’t say why he wanted to speak in front of this potential adversary; perhaps it was the place, it reminded him of the past, the remembrance of his original self, the self devoid of lies.

A strong signal fell upon him, as if familiar scenes here brought him back to his initial situation.

Finding himself is his ultimate goal. Everything before seemed to lose meaning. He looked around at everything, no, he wasn’t looking, he had no eyes, only perception. The whole perception was so familiar; he could even know where his body was buried.

Confession, he needed to confess; he had to slowly confess, even if in the opponent’s trap he had to confess.

He wanted to tell everyone, he aimed solely to find himself.

The self he once was, that pure, innocent self.

”You can’t know what it feels like to have everything, it’s just Nothingness.”

”Anything can be obtained, it looks beautiful, but the unfamiliarity after getting it always makes you feel lonely.”

”Is it because the strong are meant to be? No, not like this, the whole of it is because something valuable was lost.”

The Shadow Ghost’s confessions always have a hint of reasoning, much is grand yet empty; Kuyi Tulan doesn’t care about these.

Yet from these grand and empty musings, Kuyi Tulan could sense the Shadow Ghost came here to find himself, but Kuyi Tulan hasn’t guessed exactly what the self refers to.

Kuyi Tulan doesn’t know, the self Shadow Ghost refers to is just a husk, a shell that had long turned to bones, perhaps even mixed with the soil.

This graveyard buries the Shadow Ghost’s body, many years have passed, yet it was never forgotten.

No one knew Shadow Ghost’s past, nor why he was so strong; even less knew that the original Shadow Ghost was merely an abandoned person.

Upon gaining immense power, everything turned ethereal, what should and shouldn’t be, became so simple.

The Shadow Ghost was always concerned about his acquisition, searching and rummaging, always unable to find what he wanted, feeling he was still missing something, the youthful face of that boy endlessly lingered in his consciousness.

The lingering shadow made him unable to let go, this entire existence was like a shadow appearing occasionally in sunlight.

The most perfect thing he sought turned out to be that youthful face.