My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2196: Chapter 2029: Autumn

I’m still always waiting for you. Is it pathetic that I keep waiting even though I know you won’t come back?

To be honest, deep down, Xia Jing was just as miserable. He also hoped his own family could forgive him, that they would sincerely let him return to this home. But some things really can’t be solved with just a few simple words. After all the hurt he’d caused, how could they possibly just forget it because of a few sentences?

She knew that if it were her, she definitely wouldn’t be able to let go of everything so easily. He was someone who tended to hold grudges, but what he had done had chilled almost everyone’s heart. Was there really nothing wrong with everything he’d done? Was there truly not a single person who understood what he actually wanted? He had never once thought seriously about what kind of life he wanted for himself in this lifetime.

He always felt that his own pace had to follow the crowd, yet he also wanted to carve out a different style from everyone else. Even if he followed the mainstream, he still wanted everyone to know that he was different.

The moment he chose to become a Mercenary, he knew his path in this life would be different from everyone else’s. His road was far too hard, far too dangerous. Others only wished for a safe and steady life, but he was living with his tongue constantly licking the blade’s edge. He knew those days were the most thrilling days of his life, and he was afraid that once he got married he’d never live like that again, so he chose that kind of life. But who could have known that her husband after remarrying would treat her so well, would actually choose to marry into the Mercenaries.

So how could he possibly refuse? When a man can go that far, how could his heart not be moved?

”Zhihan, actually, about all these things, you really shouldn’t blame your father. He didn’t have any malicious intent in doing what he did. All these years, the pain he’s suffered is no less than yours. At least you all could still be together as a family, but he could only be out there alone. I know my saying this is very unfair to you. Back then it was our own choice to go down the wrong path. We can’t blame anyone else. But all these years he’s also known he was wrong; he’s already realized what he did was a huge mistake. He never imagined he would have to endure so much suffering and torment!

I believe the person you love most in your heart isn’t him, it’s me. If it hadn’t been me who insisted on dragging him away back then, how could all of this have happened? If it hadn’t been me who suggested we go wandering the world together, he wouldn’t have said those things to me afterward and taken me away from this home. Everything should be blamed on me. All the mistakes were made by me alone. I can’t blame him, and you can’t blame your father either. He did nothing wrong. The one who’s been wrong from beginning to end is me. I’m the one who made you become like this, I’m the one who made your whole family suffer so much hurt, I’m the one who turned your most beloved husband into this, and I’m also the one who made the person you love most suffer pain and torment again and again!”

”Zhihan, you’re a good daughter-in-law. At least compared to me, you’re much, much better. But there are some things I still hope I can make clear to you. There are things I hope you won’t blame your father for. No matter what he did, he wasn’t wrong. If you have to hate someone, you should hate me. Everything that happened was caused by me alone. How could I possibly shove all the pain onto him, let him bear all of it, while I just sit on the sidelines reaping the benefits? I really can’t do that!”

Ran Zhihan knew that it was already extremely hard for Xia Jing to say all this to her. So why force him to do even more? Everyone makes mistakes. As long as you know you’re wrong and are willing to change, who would always keep clinging to the past and never let it go?

”Mom, I never meant to blame you. I just feel this world is unfair. Other people can have their parents by their side, so why can’t my husband? Why can other people laugh happily, yet my husband has to wipe away his tears in secret all by himself? I can’t accept it. He shouldn’t have ended up like this.

I believe deep inside you feel the same way as I do. He’s so outstanding, so perfect, so flawless, so why does he have to bear the pain of everything?”

”For all of this, I won’t blame you, and I won’t blame anyone else. If I have to blame something, I’ll blame myself for being too cowardly on the day I met him, for not being able to protect him. If I’d been able to protect him that day, I would never have let something like this happen. I would have made sure he stayed happily by my side, made sure he could never leave me for his whole life. Then we wouldn’t have been separated like this for so many years afterward!”

”Mom, since you chose to come back to this home, you should make the right choice. If you keep acting like before, not distinguishing right from wrong, wanting to just leave this family and go out to enjoy your so‑called freedom, to soar in the sky—then you’re making a huge mistake. If you ever make that kind of decision again, I’m not worried about whether you’ll be able to come back. What I’m worried about is whether everyone in this family will still be able to accept you again.”

How could Xia Jing not understand what Ran Zhihan meant by all this? He knew every word his daughter-in-law said was for his own good. But some things he was powerless to change. Was he really supposed to just be this obsessed, agreeing to shoulder so many rights and wrongs from the past? One day he would clear things up to everyone, let them know that none of this had been some terrible mistake, let them know that everything he’d done was never the greatest sin. He would make everyone understand that he really did love everyone in this family, that he truly wanted to come back and honor each and every one of them, that he had no other motive. He was no longer that scheming woman from before. She only wanted everyone in this family to be able to live the life they wanted in peace and stability.

”Let’s talk about these things later. There’s no point in saying all this now. As long as each of us has a clear idea in our own hearts, that’s enough. Why tear open those things we don’t want to say out loud? That wouldn’t be a good outcome for anyone, would it?

Actually, you know as well as I do that family scandals shouldn’t be aired in public. It’s precisely because of that that you’ve chosen to bury all your grievances and pain deep in your hearts all these years, never saying a word to anyone. And because of that, I feel even more indebted to you!

Just like your father said, since we’ve decided to come back to this home, then we will definitely make it up to you for all the hurt you’ve suffered over these years...”

Watching over you but not needing your concern, staying with you but not needing any fancy words!