My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2070: Chapter 1903: Disturbance

You silently walked away, but in the end, you couldn’t escape this trap.

Zhao Jing felt that her husband was truly foolish. Even though she had gone this far, why did he still choose to stay with her? Was she really worth his love? Time and again, she hurt him, but he didn’t care about the pain she inflicted on him. Instead, he loved her even more excessively. Was what she was doing right or wrong? For the sake of a man who was no longer connected to her, she abandoned her family, making everyone deeply suspicious of her and questioning what she truly wanted in life. Who could understand how painful and sorrowful her life was?

Why was heaven so unfair to her? All she wanted was a man she loved, and she was willing to give up everything for him, at any cost. Why, no matter how she treated him, was he never willing to stay by her side? Did she really repulse him that much in his eyes? Everyone had their own way of life, but her actions ultimately hurt him. What would it take for him to come back to her? The repeated pain made her feel indescribable suffering in her heart, but she also lived a sorrowful life.

”I truly can’t understand why the heavens are so unjust to me. The one person I sincerely love doesn’t want to stay by my side, while the person I hate the most appears before me repeatedly. Is it true that I can’t have the life I want in this lifetime? Do my actions really disgust everyone? Why can’t I ever get care and affection from others? Why must my life be so sad and painful? Is it really better to live simply? Why must I be pushed to the brink?”

I genuinely don’t understand what I should do to restore everything to its original state. The repeated heartache has left me with no way to endure this lifelong suffering over and over again. What I want, I can’t have. What I don’t want keeps coming up, and I’m filled with regret, caring immensely about everything. Everyone lives for their own thoughts, but I live for others. I’ve never truly lived for anyone else, or even for myself, but always for the one I love most. His happiness makes me happy, his sadness makes me especially sad. His every emotion affects my every nerve, and I’m gradually becoming numb. I don’t know if what I’m doing is right or wrong. Everyone has the right to choose, but why do I keep making the wrong choices and never get what I want? Am I really that unlikable?”

”It’s not that there’s no one in this world who loves you, but you’ve lost both the person you love and the one who loves you. You’ve never considered your actions, the pain they’ll bring. You keep delving into your inner self to numb yourself, thinking everything is right. But do you know how painful it is for everyone? Each person’s life is so sorrowful and difficult, and I truly don’t know what to say. The constant pain has made me numb. My heart no longer belongs to me. Every nerve is tied to his emotions, and my life feels devoid of happiness.”

Don’t think about those things you shouldn’t have. Everyone has something they want. Maybe in this life, this unattainable love will leave you in a pit of despair, unable to escape. But behind every heartbreak, who ever cares about your feelings? When you’re in unbearable pain, where is he? He’s in the same pain as you, but he won’t come out to see you because deep down, he resents you. He’s lost all love for you. He feels only deep hatred. But your all-consuming love for him has defined what kind of life you’ll have.”

You love him so much, but does he know how much you’ve given for him? You disregard your own life time and again, but does he really know? Does he know you would sacrifice your life for him? Why let yourself become so numb? Why let yourself get hurt over and over again, living in inescapable pain? Everyone has their way of life. Don’t you know that perhaps giving up is the best option for you?”

”How could I not know that giving up is the best option? But I can’t let go of him. The pain in my heart increases each time, and I’ve never gotten what I wanted. The days spent with him were the happiest of my life. For his sake, I would give up everything, even ended up in the hospital due to alcohol poisoning, just for a chance to see him. Is it wrong? Is it really wrong to love someone? I don’t want anything else. I just want to stay by his side, watch him happy every day. I want her happiness to exist because of me, not because of someone else. I’m actually quite selfish. If I can’t have something, I’d rather see it destroyed than let someone else have it!”

Perhaps human nature is just that selfish. Over the years, no one knows what kind of pain they’ll face in life. It repeatedly makes life unbearable, and what I want is simply for the one I love the most to come back to me. Missing out again and again, being in excruciating pain time after time has led to my current end. No pain matters, no life matters; only his coming back to see me once matters. Nothing else is important to me. What’s important is whether he can return to my side. Everyone lives sorrowful and tiring lives. There is no one who isn’t tired in this world, and no life without weariness. Perhaps the essence of life’s fatigue is just living itself!”

I slowed down my pace to accommodate your needs.