My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1774: Chapter 1568: Innocent

This car accident almost took away his most precious life.

He opened his eyes hazily, seeing what seemed like his family standing right in front of him, yet he lacked the strength to reach out.

”Actually, the moment you left this home back then, I thought you were truly cruel to your child. How could you be so heartless to abandon him when he was so young? You never considered how difficult it was for him to survive, watching him leave bloody footprints with each step forward. Do you know? As an elder, deep down, I couldn’t bear it; I saw how he got through the hardest years, watched how he grew up, went through what no one else ever has, yet he never complained.

In his heart, he knows better than anyone else that these things cannot be resolved by complaints. The fate he faces in this life can only result from the harm repeatedly inflicted by his own family. If the hurt was caused by someone else, maybe he wouldn’t care so much, but this hurt given by his parents, he can’t forget; it’s a pain that scars his heart and soul.

If one day, he could see all the issues from his own perspective, he wouldn’t live so exhaustedly as he does now.

Perhaps, for you, the way your child turned out is his own achievement. Or maybe it’s the impact your hits had on him that makes him parent in the same way now. But who knows, when parents leave their child, no matter how old he actually is, or if he understands everything, for him, it’s always a soul-deep trauma. He can’t just easily forget all this pain. Even if, later on, there’s trust between you all, even if you resolve all misunderstandings, you still can’t go back to how it was in the beginning.

Actually, I’m telling you this today not to express anything but to make sure you clearly understand. From the moment you chose to leave your child, regardless of whether you can return to him later, he won’t rely on you like before. He won’t give all his new trust to you like before, because when he chose to give all his trust to you, you chose not to believe him, but to betray him. For a child, he must bear his parents’ inflicted hurt, and how strong his mentality has to be to withstand it. That’s a soul-deep pain, likely a wound he can’t heal throughout his life. You’ve always stood in your own perspective; who has ever stood in his shoes to consider what cold, harsh words he might face as he grows?”

Xia Jing listened to Zhang Mo speak these words, feeling deeply unsettled within. Is this really the mistake I made back then? Why would this mistake cause such a blow to my descendants? If I had considered my family a bit more back then, would things not be as they are now?

Why did I live so selfishly in the past? Why is the pain I caused my family impossible to erase? What did I really do? What goals led me to where I am now?

”Dad, actually, I never thought I would end up on this path. Step by step, I became who I am now, and even I can’t believe it. I don’t dare to admit it; this used to be my doing. I can’t believe I gave my family such heavy pain. I only cared about my own happiness. As long as I achieved my goals, hurting my family didn’t matter because I didn’t care. But later, I found out it wasn’t as simple as I had imagined. I should have responsibility, should bear the responsibilities I once shouldered and not choose to escape them. Escaping is not the solution.

Now, when I think about the harm I’ve done to my child, I can’t believe it myself; how could a mother do such things? I was really numb; I don’t know why I became like this, don’t know what reasons led me to this irreversible path. Step by step, I made my life different, reached the peak of my life, yet I lost everything. Originally, I thought I had family, children, the whole world, even happiness others could never have. But now it seems, aside from freedom, I’ve lost everything else.

If one day I could return to the past, I wouldn’t be like this now. If, back then, I understood things earlier, earlier saw through life’s warmth and coldness, and acted upon my deepest desires, I wouldn’t be suffering like this. I never thought this day would come, where I step by step reached here; I once feared facing any challenges. I didn’t know what path in life was correct. I tried to make my life different. If I really could return to my old state one day, that must mean I’ve lost my most beloved. Now I’ve lost everything. I no longer have the courage to venture out like before, lack the bravery and means to live recklessly and freely. Now all I have is my child, but he’s so distant, his heart isn’t with me anymore, because I’ve hurt him so deeply. Now, even if I stand in front of him, he might not recognize me as his mother. For a mother, this is the biggest failure; I’ve failed to make my child willing to acknowledge me, even thinking of leaving me, shutting me out.”

Facing such scenes, who can understand the feelings of a mother at this moment? Who can realize the despair in my heart now? I’m scared and lonely, every decision making life harder. I never thought I’d become this human shell.”

When she opened her eyes, she discovered she was in a hospital. It felt like she had slept for a long, long time!