My Alleged Husband

Chapter 675: Chapter 645: Are You Happy?_1

”Yichen, Daddy knows that the abandonment you suffered from Daddy has inflicted indelible pain on you. But do you know? If it weren’t for the abandonment by your father, how could you possibly have the happy life you have now? I know some things can’t be explained in just a few words, but I also hope you can trust your own biological father once. We really never intended to completely abandon you. In our hearts, you will always be our precious son. Parents can’t possibly not love their own children, rejecting you over and over again, denying you as their biological son over and over again. Do you know how conflicted and pained we, as your parents, feel inside? Every time, we silently shed tears, but what about you? You alone have reached the pinnacle of life, a height that others can’t even aspire to in their lifetime. Don’t you feel happy?”

Zhentian didn’t feel as bad until Zhang Zhentian had said this. His heart ached even more. His own biological father was standing right in front of him; why did his father have to treat him this way? Just because of their abandonment, was he supposed to feel happier? Their abandonment had caused him so much harm; he had never enjoyed any father’s or mother’s love. Now what right did they have to make such high-sounding excuses and expect him to forgive them happily?

”You think that after you left me, I lived happily and joyously, but do you know how much torment and pain I’ve endured over the years? I constantly reminded myself that my parents didn’t love me, that they didn’t mean to abandon me, that there were compelling reasons. But over and over again, I comforted myself, over and over, I deceived myself. Do you understand? Gradually, I’ve become numb. I believed every word that everyone in the world said, that my parents would love me, their biological son, no matter when or where, and would make any sacrifice for me whenever I was in need.”

”You believe your departure was the greatest happiness for me, but do you know how hard I’ve lived these years? Do you understand what it feels like to deceive oneself? Do you understand what it feels like to keep convincing oneself that something utterly impossible will become reality, that parents would never abandon their child so heartlessly?”

When Xia Jing heard her son speak these words, her heart as a mother was truly in pain. She had never imagined that her son had been living such a hard life, day after day, concealing from herself that his parents loved him. Her heart ached even more, unbearably so, knowing that all the consequences were the result of her own actions, wondering why it all had to be attributed to her child. Why should she let her child suffer so much? If time could be reversed, she would never have decided to abandon her child; to see her child in such despair was more painful than stabbing a knife into her own heart.

”Son, it’s me, your mother, who owes you an apology. If I had known that our relationship would become as terrible as it is now, I would never have left you. Leaving you has been the biggest regret of my life. I know, all children hope to have their parents’ companionship, but you have been without parental love for so many years. You’ve had such a hard time, and you’ve struggled on your own to get to where you are today. What right do we have to say such heartless and cruel words to you? We just hope you can live a happy and joyful life. For us as parents, as long as our child can live happily, what else matters?”

”As long as you can be happy and joyful, we don’t care about anything else. Your happiness is all that matters to Mommy and Daddy. But when we chose to give up everything and return home to be with you, we were very clear about it at that moment. There is nothing in the world more important than our own child. What our child cares about most is whether their parents are there for them. Your father and I have made major mistakes over the years, terribly wrong decisions without being by your side, leaving you alone for so many years. You must hate us so much, and even if you do hate us, that’s only natural because we abandoned you and caused you so much harm. Whether or not you hate us, however you view me and your father in your heart, we will always see you as our most beloved son, and that is a fact that will never change for the rest of our lives.”

”Mom, you really don’t need to say that. Deep down, I’ve never blamed you. After all, you gave me life, and without your efforts to bring me into this world, I would never have achieved what I have today. I’m truly grateful to you. But sometimes, do you really think I’m happy? Do you think I can continue to live happily after being abandoned by my own parents? Although I have a wife who loves me dearly, although I have a son who I love most by my side, and also my grandfather, my mom and dad were ultimately never by my side, not for a single day. That’s a pain for me. It’s a wound that will never heal in this lifetime. Do you understand what that kind of pain brings to one’s understanding and feelings?”

The feeling is ineffable; I don’t even know how to describe that kind of pain to you with any words. It hurts so much!

”Your decision has hurt me and has made me what I am today. And now you come to make amends. How do you think that makes me feel? If it were you, would you think it was just a performance, that you hadn’t taken these things to heart and didn’t care at all? Do you think my heart would be at ease? Everyone should have empathy. Don’t think that what you consider happiness is happiness for me. Am I really happy?”