My Alleged Husband

Chapter 593: Chapter 572 Glory and Wealth_1

”So you’ve always thought that I chose to be with you for the money, that you don’t understand me at all. What I really want isn’t like that. I just wanted to live with the man I love the most. The moment I reached my ideal goal and married the man I love most, I realized I was content with my life!

But to you, perhaps you don’t think it’s a big deal, or maybe you don’t even know. Yet to me, it’s a huge deal. I can put up with you ignoring me over and over again. I can bear your suspicions time and again. I can handle it when you’re almost never there when I need you. But I can’t endure being wronged repeatedly, you not even willing to offer me the basic trust I deserve.

Over the years, to outsiders, we seem the perfect couple, full of love. But how exactly do you treat me? Don’t you have any idea in your heart? No matter how much I try to please you, you always just go through the motions, smiling at me. Do you know that sometimes it really breaks my heart? I feel like such a failure. Why is it that when I treat the person I love with all sincerity, I end up with this result? Why can’t the man I love sincerely tell me he loves me just once?

I can no longer tell which of your words are true and which are false. I really don’t ask for much. I’m practically begging you, please, don’t keep depriving me of my right to happiness. I just want to be with you. For you, I’ve changed so, so much, only to realize that no matter what I do, I’ll never be good enough for you. You’ll always be just out of reach because your education is different from mine, your background is different from mine, everything about you is different. Our views on life, our values, our ideals—everything’s different. Do you realize it’s these differences that make me follow your lead? I’ve been changing my outlook on life and my values to match yours.

Do all these changes really mean so little to you? Do you think I should be naturally subservient, that you, born to be placed high on a pedestal, mean I as your wife am destined to be trodden underfoot, never to rise again?

Yichen, I no longer have any way to be sure what you think of us. Your indifference towards me is sometimes enough to break me. I don’t know what to do or how to face you anymore. Many things aren’t my fault, yet for the sake of your so-called pride, to make you happy, I keep bowing my head and admitting guilt. But in the end, I find that no matter how weak I am, you’ll never care about my feelings. Why is me wanting so little so hard?

Every time I ask you a question, you always think of avoiding it. When we run into trouble and I want to clear things up, you choose to accuse me without knowing the facts. Do you really trust me? Do you actually see me as family, like I saw you as family the day you professed your love to me, when you were genuinely kind to me over the years, and I was nothing but a tool for you to use?”

”I never treated you as a tool I could use. I just wanted you to stay home, safe, and not to run around recklessly. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but the mistakes you’ve made prevent me from doing so. I’m scared, too. I’m afraid that the past will repeat itself, and I can’t bear that kind of hurt again. Do you now know what it feels like not to be trusted after hurting me so many times?”

”When I was with you, I told you all my truths wholeheartedly. I trusted you fully, and I never doubted you. But you never trusted me once. You probably think I’m despicable, don’t you? Why should everything go your way? Even when something isn’t my fault, why should I have to bear the blame just to make you happy?

I’ve thought about it over and over again, never finding a proper conclusion. But finally, I figured it out; I do all of this simply because I love you. Yet in the end, this is what I get. Do you really know me? You always think I’m with you for Xiao Jing’s sake, for riches and glory. There are so many people in the world, so many rich people, who could offer me their absolute trust. So why do I still choose you? Because I believed that one day, I could thaw your heart, which had grown cold because of me.”

”Remember, you once said your heart was dead, incapable of love. But in the end, you still got together with me. I don’t know if you’re with me just to torment me or to use me.

Why do you treat me this way? Why won’t you give me a stable life? Why do you keep distrusting me, over and over again? It might seem like nothing to you, but for me, it’s a fatal pain...”

”Zhihan, some things are in the past, let’s not talk about them anymore. Isn’t it nice just living your current life? Why keep bothering with those people from your past? You know they mean you no good, so why do you do it? It’s as if you’re deliberately testing my patience.

My patience has its limits. I can’t always indulge you and love you without boundaries. I just want you to be well, just like you actually wanted to be with me wholeheartedly, with no one else residing in your heart. But can you really do that? If you can do that, then as far as I’m concerned, I can give up everything.”

”It’s too late for you to say these things to me now. Since you’ve wronged me without knowing the facts and haven’t even apologized, on what grounds should I forgive you now?

I really want to ask you, by what right do you wrong me without cause, what do you really think of me? Why, when you make a mistake, when you wrong someone without a second thought, do you believe you’re entitled not to apologize? Just because you’re wealthy?”