My Alleged Husband

Chapter 556: Chapter 535 Pain_1

”Now that we have reached this point, I want to ask you a question. I want to hear what your heart truly feels. Did you really love me from the start? Were you truly willing to spend your life with me without any ulterior motive? Did you endure so much hardship just for me? During these years together, did you ever feel my sincere love for you?”

”Now that it has come to this, do you think there’s any point in asking me these questions? You already know the answers will hurt you and lead to despair, yet you insist on pushing forward. Aren’t you just making a mess of your life? What we want from each other may not be much, just to live a happy and peaceful life. But that seems like a far-fetched dream in your family, a desire that can’t be satisfied. In my marriage, all I ever wanted was the safety of my family—to live happily. Yet in the end, I realized it was all an illusion.”

Zhentian, deep down you understand why we’ve reached this point today. You know better than anyone the trials we’ve endured, leading to our current achievements. Yet in the end, you discover that the person beside you never truly loved you. If the roles were reversed, do you know how you would feel inside upon learning this truth? Wouldn’t your heart ache? Wouldn’t you feel that all your efforts have been in vain, unrewarded? Wouldn’t you be disappointed?”

”The joy and happiness I felt with you outweigh everything else. During those dozen or so years with you, every smile I gave was genuine—the happiness was real. Even when we occasionally argued, I took that as part of the married life, still a form of happiness. But now I realize that all my thoughts were just wishful thinking. You never planned to grow old with me, did you? I don’t know if your defiance against your father for my sake was genuine or not. Nevertheless, I am still grateful for your love over the years. I caused you to lose your father, and all these years you couldn’t be by his side, that must still hurt you deeply, doesn’t it?”

”Sometimes that’s just how I am—knowing that one more step could leave me wounded, perhaps beyond healing, I still press on. Because I want to explore a new path in life that is my own, I can’t step back. To step back means admitting I’m a coward, useless. If that were true, why should I even exist in this world, wasting time and resources, making myself uncomfortable?”

”So let’s not talk about who’s right or wrong. Our trust in one another is gone. Since we can’t live together without trust, let’s not try to hold onto each other. That would only make things awkward, leaving us unsure of which path to choose. There are two paths ahead, one bright and one leading to a pit of suffering, and somehow I always choose the painful one. Yet the one time I chose correctly was when I married you—that was my path of sunshine.”

”You still care for me inside, don’t you? Your heart still holds me, so why treat me this way? You know, I’ve been struggling in pain and despair, always wondering when I could step out of this shadow and walk boldly on the road to my own happiness. But in the end, I found no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t overcome the shadow in my heart.”

”I truly, truly don’t want you to leave me. Without you, my pain would be unbearable. Yet, if you are happier without me, watching you happy, I would willingly struggle alone in the depths of suffering for the rest of my life. Because it means the woman I love the most has found her happiness, her freedom. To see my dearest smile from deep within, this sense of accomplishment is incomparable. Even if I am to bear this suffering alone, I will keep striving through pain and despair, carving out my own path in life. It will no longer change for anyone, it will not diverge because of anyone. I know I was weak in the past, which made you so passive. But now, I’ve learned to be proactive and brave, yet you still choose to leave me heartlessly. This makes me feel all my efforts have been in vain. Perhaps we really need some time apart to clear our minds about what we truly want. Maybe in a few years, we’ll be together again. I am waiting for that day because I believe you still love me inside. It’s just that your hatred towards me has overshadowed your love, so you’ve buried it deep. I believe by my own effort, I can make you fall for me again. This love will be securely placed in my heart, and I’ll make sure there are no more mistakes.”

But Xia Qiu still had a lot of reluctance in her heart. She looked at her husband’s pained expression and really wanted to agree to stay by his side. Even without happiness for the rest of her life, she was willing to gamble her happiness for this one chance. Yet recalling the grievances she had suffered again and again, why should she always be the one to yield? Why endure the pain and torment again while he never understands her efforts? Why was she so insignificant in his heart? Despite loving him dearly, she had to bury her feelings to truly grow strong, to protect herself from further hurt.