My Alleged Husband

Chapter 473: Chapter 452: Where Does Happiness Come From?_1

”I finally understand now that every day you lived with me, you never felt joy. I know that there was a time when I made you happy because I was full of vitality, offering you a glimpse of a hopeful future. But now I’ve realized that I can no longer provide you with that so-called hope. Being with me, you can only feel despair. And I love you so much—I really don’t want you to feel despair. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life mired in hopelessness. But I truly can’t let you go. I love you so much. Even though we’ve encountered so many things that we can’t face together, my heart still loves you, always has loved you, and this feeling has never changed. How did we end up in this miserable state, making things so difficult for each other? Many times, I don’t even know myself. All I know is I can’t face what’s in my heart; I can’t bear to abandon you. When I think back to the time I ruthlessly brought you to the Civil Affairs Bureau to file for divorce, my heart still aches unbearably. I really don’t know what got into me, how I could bring the woman I love to get a divorce, after working so hard to make you my wife. How could I truly abandon you?”

”Do you think what you’re saying now has any meaning? When you abandoned me, that abandonment was final—it will never change. Do you believe that a person, heartbroken and tearful because of your abandonment, must forgive you just because you say you’re sorry? By what right? Do you consider yourself so much more noble, or do you possess some special privilege or backup? No matter what, I absolutely won’t continue living with you. Haven’t you caused me enough pain already? How much more must you hurt me before your conscience is clear?”

Zhentian had not imagined that this was how his wife felt; did she really no longer want to live with him? Could it be that living with him was causing her such pain? How could he bear to see the woman he loved in so much pain? If he continued to make her suffer, why couldn’t he let go of her hand and let her find the happiness she deserved—to live out her life joyfully on her terms? And why should he insist on keeping her by his side, trying to make her happy for the rest of her life?

”I’ve come to realize now that if you would only give me another chance, I can bring you the happiness you want. I will do everything in my power to give you everything you desire. I will protect you perfectly. I want to fill your life with so much joy within my embrace—so much joy. I owe you so much for my love for you in this lifetime, and I just hope that it doesn’t have to end this way. I want to share a life with you, a life that belongs to us both. We have such a perfect son, such a remarkable son. We have weathered so many storms together. Why should we let a heated remark from the past spoil our happiness? Because of that foolish thing I said, that foolish thing I did—are we to be persistent in our refusal to see each other, to never reconcile?”

”Please don’t tell me now that you can bring me happiness because being with you will never make me happy again. You never truly made me happy before, so what makes you think you can do it now? What will you use to bring me happiness? Can you let me return to my son’s side, to accompany him properly? If it weren’t for our petty quarrels, for your insistent desire to divorce me, why would I have had to leave home? Why should I be unable to live with my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson? Haven’t your mistakes been enough? Will you continue to drag me down, making me miserable for the rest of my life? If you can’t give me the happiness I want, then what happiness do we have to talk about? Your so-called happiness is nothing but self-delusion. Do you understand that you’re only deceiving yourself? The joy you speak of is something you’ll never be able to achieve in this lifetime because you have never fulfilled any of your promises. You always deceive me, trying to keep me by your side. But do you think I am still as naïve as before? I won’t just blindly follow you. That old version of me is long gone. If you can’t give me the happiness I want, don’t force me to stay with you. Doing so not only causes your own misery but also makes my life a living hell. Our love has long since vanished. Why force each other to stay, making both of us restless and uneasy?”

”But this time I really can give you happiness. I’ve made up my mind to stay by your side, to make you my woman, my life partner. I will never let you leave me again, and I won’t do anything to make you sad or cry. I hope you can trust me one more time, give me another chance, okay? Don’t be so relentless in rejecting me, in casting me aside!”

”Am I relentless? If I were relentless, I would have never gotten together with you all those years ago. If I were relentless, I would have left you completely the first time I saw through you. But I didn’t because I loved you; I saw you as the love of my life. But how about you? Compared to your heartlessness, I don’t even come close. You can abandon your wife, who’s faithfully been by your side for so many years, based on a lie. You can give up everyone who cared about and loved you. Can you claim that’s love? Is that really how selfish your love is? Why should I forgive you time and again? Who are you to me? We have no relationship now, and I hope you won’t disturb me anymore. Let’s each pursue our own happiness, shall we? Where is the happiness in being with you?”