My Alleged Husband

Chapter 467: Chapter 446: The Biggest Mistake_1

Xia Jing suddenly felt that calling him was the biggest mistake of her life.

”I really don’t understand what got into me today, why I would want to call you. Calling you makes me feel like the biggest mistake I’ve ever made was calling you today. I’ve said so much to you, but you’ve never listened, you’ve never believed a word I said, because you’ve never trusted me inside. If that’s the case, then why bother speaking to me at all?”

The pain in Zhang Zhentian’s heart grew. He had never imagined that his wife would say such things to him. If making this call was a mistake, then whom could he call without it being a mistake? Was it so hard to give himself a call after all these years and simply say hello?

”I can’t understand what you mean by these words. I’ve said so much to you, and not a single word has truly gotten through to you. All of a sudden, I feel like our getting together, our marriage, our having a child, was the biggest mistake of my life. We were never meant to be together, yet we still stubbornly decided to be with each other, so careless of anything else at the time. Looking back now, I don’t understand what it was all for. I am lost at this moment. I have never despised myself as much as I do now. I always thought that what I longed for was always the best and most beautiful. Yet now I realize that every single day I spent with you, though I might have been happy before, now causes me nothing but pain, because all you ever gave me was hurt.”

”The feeling is mutual. Who among us hasn’t made mistakes? Didn’t you hurt me too? Don’t you realize how much I’ve sacrificed for you? You are always so selfish, no matter how much I give, you never see my love for you, because your heart is numb. Many times, I’ve asked myself - are we truly suited for each other? I’ve given up so much to be with you. I’ve always hoped to earn your respect, your love, and even to make you happy every day so we could walk together joyously into the brightest time of our lives, leaving behind only the best memories to look back on when we’re old. But what have you given me in return? Pain, sadness, silence? Every time, all I ever received from you was hurt, always me, not knowing if you’ll ever suddenly tell me you love me. I desperately want to hear those words from you at this age, to hear you say them to me. But I’ve given up that hope now, because I know if you were to say them now, it would only be out of obligation. Every word you utter may just be to placate me, to validate your repeated efforts, making me out to be a foolishly sweet girl who will never understand that you’ve been deceiving me. But I’m truly tired, my heart can only take so much. With you, no matter what I do, you will never understand that I am loving you; you only think I am hurting you. Over these years, I’ve been waiting every day for you to reach out to me, only to find out that if I don’t contact you, you would never contact me. And today, when I call you, you say such things to me. How am I supposed to feel?”

Zhang Zhentian suddenly found it almost laughable, the more his wife spoke. Was it him who had made things unbearable for her? Was he the one who had put her in bad situations? He regretted so many things he had done, but still, he had recklessly carried on for her sake. And what was the result? This is what he had become.

”I don’t want to say anything to you now because I realize that whatever I say will only cause me immense pain. How much more do you want after repeatedly hurting me? In your eyes, aren’t you satisfied until I’m completely devastated? Don’t you think what you’ve done to me is excessive? Time after time, you’ve deceived me. I admit, I was in pain too when we divorced, but now I will not hold on to you any longer, for every attempt to do so only degrades me. I don’t want to lead a life that makes me feel cheap any longer. For you, I was willing to abandon my dignity, forsake all those who cared for me, even my own relatives. But now I realize I cannot be so selfish, for my actions do not elicit any compassion from you or retain the sincere heart that would make you want to stay. Even if I were to forcefully keep you by my side, your heart would never contain me, because it has been empty for a long time. Your heart is not mine, and I am not yours anymore. From today on, we have no relation to one another, no need for further contact, until we both rest in peace, for by then I will no longer know who you are. How I wish time could be rewound. I would definitely choose not to know you. Knowing you was my biggest mistake—the most painful thing of my life but also the happiest. The moments we shared, I will never forget. I will always remind myself of the pain you have brought me, letting it eternally exist in my mind, always making me remember how much pain and how unworthy it was...”

”Then you’d better remember every word you said today, because from now on, I will remember them all very clearly, knowing that since these words came from you, it means your heart no longer loves me. If you don’t love me, why try to keep me by your side? Wouldn’t that just be more painful for you? Wouldn’t living a happy and joyful life separately be better? Why disturb each other’s seemingly perfect lives?”

”Rest assured, I will not disturb your life ever again. From today on, your life will have nothing to do with me. I will happily live out the rest of my time. I can’t deny that my heart was very happy with you, but that happiness will never be mine again. It disappeared the day we got divorced.”