Limitless Evolution As a Snake

Then she stops.

Her fingers release me. I’m still attached to her nipple, jaw locked in a state of blissful paralysis, and she makes a small sound, a soft ”hm”, and then her hand cups beneath me and she pulls.

There’s a wet, obscene pop as my mouth disengages from her perfect nipple, and I’m airborne for a half-second before her palm deposits me onto something hard and cool behind her. A rock. She’s just put me on a rock. Like setting down a cup she finished drinking from.

I lie there, coiled and dazed, scales still buzzing from her touch, and watch the back of her head as she sits up. She doesn’t look at me. Doesn’t turn around. Her white hair falls in a curtain between us, and I catch the barest glimpse of her pointed ear tips that are blushing red and twitching, listening to something I haven’t noticed yet.

She reaches down to her hip and pulls something free. A dagger, short and curved, the blade catching the dim light of the tunnel with a dull gleam.

”Thanks for that anyway, whatever that was,” she murmurs.

I’m not entirely sure if she’s talking to me or to the universe at this point; hell, I don’t care.

Then she’s moving off to deal with the rats, probably, hopefully.

Well. That escalated, also the best moment of my life. Being reborn as a possessed mac and cheese noodle was totally worth it.

[System: Mate. You just got used as a sex toy and then set on a rock like a paperweight. Reckon we’ve hit a new low on the dignity meter.]

I don’t care, I don’t care. She enjoyed it, and I enjoyed it. I didn’t know what I was doing, but she made noises, old mate! noises!

[System: Bloody Oath. You didn’t just suck it, mate. You went to town on that nipple like you’d been studying for a PhD in areola appreciation. Reckon all those hours of hentai paid off, yeah? Got yourself a doctorate in tit-sucking without ever leaving the basement.]

I uncoil slightly on the rock, trying to look dignified, which is difficult when you’re a sentient bookmark of a snake with a mouth still tingling from the taste of her.

I mean... It’s not like I had a manual. The snake part of me just... knew what to do. Felt right, you know?

[System: The serpent knows what the serpent knows. Righto. Sure. And I’m the king of bloody England. Mate, I’ve got your entire sensory playback logged right here. You didn’t just latch on; you did the little circular thing, the gentle nibble, the Christ; you even did the suction-pull-release-repeat. That’s not instinct. That’s a man who spent his former life with a laptop and a locked bathroom door.]

Heat floods my scales, or at least, I imagine it does. Hard to tell when you’re crimson on crimson.

Okay, fine. I watched a lot of hentai.

[System: Cunt, it gave me the shivers, you horn dog. Full body shivers. And I don’t even have a body. I’m a bloody text overlay, and you made me uncomfortable. That’s impressive in the worst possible way.]

I thought back to her. She didn’t even look back. Didn’t say anything specific to me. Just ”thanks for that anyway, whatever that was.” Like I was a weird vending machine that dispensed a service she hadn’t ordered but accepted out of convenience.

The buzz of euphoria starts to curdle. I coil tighter on the rock, scales pressing against cool stone.

She put me down. She put me on a rock and walked away. Didn’t even glance over her shoulder. If she’d actually enjoyed it, wouldn’t she have... I don’t know. Held me? Said something nice? Acknowledged that I exist beyond being a temporary novelty?

Old Mate

[System: Yeah?]

She didn’t like it.

[System: You’re an idiot.]

I’m serious. Think about it. She moaned and made those sounds, and then the second it was done, she dropped me like a hot potato. She didn’t even...

[System: Mate. Mate. Listen to yourself. You’re a F-Tier sentient seat belt snake. You’ve got no aphrodisiac buffs. No venom pheromones. No hypnotic gaze unlocked. You’re literally just a red tube with a mouth. And she sat there in a wet mess, moaning because of you. Because of your technique and your mouth and whatever unholy knowledge you imported from your degenerate former life.]

But she just left me there?

[System: She didn’t put you on the rock because she didn’t enjoy it. She put you on the rock because there are rats coming and she’s a professional who prioritises not dying over cuddling a snake.]

I just stared into the abyss.

...You think?

[System: I know. I’ve got the status readout from your contact with her skin. Heart rate, respiration, skin conductivity, all of it. She was having a religious experience, mate. Without any of your fancy future buffs. Just raw, unenhanced Matt Vane mouth action. You should be proud. Or disgusted with yourself. Either works, I’m both by the way.]

So she?

[System: She liked it. She liked it so much she’s probably going to be thinking about it for the next three days while she’s stabbing rats. Now, can we please focus on the fact that you’re a defenceless cursed shoelace sitting alone on a rock in a sewer with no eyes on the threat? Because I’m not equipped to handle those rats right now.]

Right. Rats. The rats she went to handle. Which means the rats are coming this direction.

I flatten myself against the rock and try to look like a piece of discarded tubing.

Old Mate.

[System: What now?]

If I die right now, I want you to know that was the best moment of my life and I have no regrets.

[System: Yeah, nah. Noted, you twat. Now stop yappin’ and get yourself up into that busted beer keg sitting on top of the rock. Go on. In ya go. That’s your evolve spot, mate. I can feel it. Stop lookin’ at me like that and just get in the bloody keg.]