I Siphon the Dead to Become the Strongest

To everyone reading this chapter today—whether it is evening where you are or the start of a brand new morning:

May peace rest upon your heart and mind. May God/the Universe grant you a restful night to recharge your energy, wash away all the stress and exhaustion from your day, and fill your life with quiet comfort and hope. May tomorrow bring you fresh strength, unexpected blessings, and a really good day ahead.

Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and enjoy the chapter! 🙏❤️

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Ethan was just beginning to admire his handiwork, feeling like a total badass, when a voice drifted through the smoke from behind him.

”So... what about me asking if you can pay for my ramen, huh?”

Ethan’s pupils shrank into tiny, microscopic dots. That voice. That specific, cold-yet-sultry tone that sounded like a mixture of a luxury ice cube and a street-fighting delinquent. It was a voice that haunted his dreams—and his very specific fantasies.

He turned his head with the slow, mechanical dread of a man facing a firing squad. There she was. Germaine was standing a few feet away, but she looked like she had just crawled out of a blender filled with crimson paint. She was drenched in Orc/Ogre blood from her boots to her collar, looking less like a hunter and more like a horror movie antagonist.

”GYAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!” Ethan unleashed a scream so loud it probably woke up every monster in the next three gates.

”SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU SCREAMING TIN CAN!” Germaine barked, startled by the sonic assault.

Driven by a mix of irritation and reflex, she lunged. Because of the sudden movement, her chest gave a violent, rhythmic bounce that momentarily blinded Ethan’s peripheral vision. Before he could process the physics of the situation, she tackled him, slamming him flat onto his back in the dirt.

THUD!

With a swift, aggressive motion, she jammed both of her hands directly over his mouth, muffling his screams. She leaned in close, her face inches from his, her eyes blazing.

”Are you absolutely insane?!” she hissed. ”Why the hell are you shrieking in the middle of a forest? You just sizzled a whole group of Orc’s into charcoal and now you’re acting like a terrified virgin! Get a grip!”

As she held him down, the proximity became... problematic. Ethan’s nose was pressed dangerously close to her, and the scent hit him—a heady, intoxicating cocktail of spring flowers and the salty aroma of a hard-fought battle.

Suddenly, a tiny, red-skinned devil with a pitchfork manifested on Ethan’s right shoulder. The demon leaned in, whispering with a seductive, greasy voice.

”Sniff it, Ethan. Come on. Take a deep hit of that warrior-woman musk. Breathe it in... breathe it out... no, wait, just inhale the whole damn thing until your lungs are 100% Germaine-scented.”

Ethan’s internal voice screamed back, ’Are you trying to kill me?! Do you want me to die from sheer olfactory overload?! This is a lethal dose of woman!’

The little devil just shrugged, looking bored. ”I mean, think about it. What if those hands clamping your mouth shut were... you know... wiped on her chest first? What if she just shoved a handful of boob-sweat right into your mouth? That’s the real jackpot, baby.”

BET! Ethan’s inner degenerate shouted.

SLAP!

A blinding white light erupted on his left shoulder as a tiny, glowing angel appeared and delivered a thunderous slap across Ethan’s face.

”My child,” the angel began, his voice sounding like a celestial harp played by someone who hated the listener. ”It is truly a marvel of creation that you possess a soul, for it is clearly the only part of you that isn’t a greasy, pulsing heap of perversion. You aren’t a warrior; you are a walking biological disaster of horniness. May the heavens forgive you, because I certainly will not. Now cease this mental filth before I smite your libido into the seventh circle of hell.”

The divine roast snapped Ethan back to reality. He began thrashing wildly, and Germaine, annoyed by the squirming, finally yanked her hands away from his face.

”I didn’t know it was you!” Ethan gasped, coughing up a bit of dirt.

”How the hell could you not tell it was me?!” she snapped, standing up and wiping a streak of gore from her cheek.

Ethan looked up at her, his eyes wide. ”BECAUSE YOU’RE COVERED IN BLOOD, BRO! You look like a vengeful ghost coming back from the grave to settle a debt! You look like a horror movie extra! I genuinely thought I was being hunted by a blood-soaked specter, and I’m pretty sure I’m the wrong target for that kind of haunting!”

Germaine stared at him, her expression a blend of utter confusion and a desire to punch him again.

”I just finished a fight, you moron!”

”Yeah, well, maybe try a shower before you jump-scare me into a heart attack, Miss ’Tits-of-Terror’!”

...

After the chaos of the battle, the two of them retreated to a secluded pocket of the forest. They found a small, grassy plateau that felt unnaturally serene—the kind of spot that practically screamed ”Safe Zone” in neon letters. The grass was impossibly soft, like a natural velvet carpet, providing a much-needed respite for their exhausted bodies.

Germaine collapsed onto the grass with a heavy sigh, her armor clanking. With a flick of her wrist, she opened her item box, the holographic interface shimmering in the air. She scrolled through her meager inventory with a look of concentrated desperation, eventually tapping the screen twice.

Pop! Pop!

Two steaming cups of instant noodles manifested in her hands. With a practiced, mechanical motion, she poured in the hot water, the scent of artificial shrimp and sodium filling the air.

”It’s only seafood flavor,” she muttered, handing one to Ethan without looking at him. ”Don’t expect anything fancy. It’s the cheapest brand the store sells.”

”Thanks,” Ethan replied, taking the cup. He decided he wanted something a bit more substantial, so he reached out to activate his own system window.

He swiped to the left to access his inventory, but the moment his finger touched the holographic screen, something went wrong. The window didn’t scroll; instead, it flickered violently, glitching between a harsh crimson and a neon blue. It shuddered for a second, frozen in a digital seizure, and then—with a sudden, crisp animation—the system window shifted.

Instead of his inventory, a giant, glowing holographic middle finger manifested directly in front of Ethan’s face.

Ethan froze. His mouth dropped open, and he instinctively pressed a hand to his chest, his expression one of sheer, offended betrayal.

”Did... did my own UI just tell me to screw off?” he whispered, staring at the digital insult. ”I pay for the premium subscription! I demand a manager!”

Sighing at his malfunctioning technology, Ethan bypassed the system and reached into his physical storage bag. He pulled out a carefully wrapped package and unfolded it to reveal a set of gourmet sandwiches.

They were masterpieces of culinary architecture. Thick, toasted bread held together a symphony of colors: vibrant, crisp green lettuce; bright yellow corn; shredded, zesty carrots; perfectly sliced hard-boiled eggs; and juicy, savory sausages, all tied together with a creamy, gold-tinted sauce that looked like liquid sunshine.

Germaine’s gaze drifted toward the sandwiches. She stopped mid-slurp of her noodles, her eyes widening. The aroma hitting her nose was a violent upgrade from the industrial shrimp scent of her cup noodles. It smelled of home, freshness, and a level of effort she hadn’t encountered in years.

Without a word, Ethan tore the package in half and handed her a generous portion.

”Here,” he said, his voice softening. ”You can have these. We can divide the rest three-to-three. I made too many anyway.”

Germaine looked at the sandwich, then at Ethan, her expression flickering with a mix of suspicion and longing. ”I... thank you,” she murmured, her voice sounding awkwardly small.

She took a tentative, small bite.

The moment the flavors hit her tongue, Germaine’s world shifted. The crunch of the fresh vegetables, the richness of the egg, and the savory pop of the sausage created a harmony that made her cup noodles taste like cardboard. Her eyes sparked, and for a split second, a look of pure, unadulterated satisfaction washed over her face.

She immediately caught herself, snapping back into her Ice Queen persona and chewing with a forced, calm expression. She stared straight ahead, refusing to let him see how much she loved it, but internally, her mind was screaming.

‘Wow...’ she thought, her heart fluttering in a way that had nothing to do with the battle. ‘To think I could actually eat something this delicious... something that isn’t a cup of salt and preservatives...’

She took another bite, slower this time, savoring the taste of a luxury she had long since forgotten. For a few minutes, the blood, the monsters, and the debt didn’t matter. There was only the sandwich and the strange, armored handsome douchebag who had provided it.

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Hey everyone!

I just wanted to take a quick second to say a huge THANK YOU to each and every one of you for reading.

To be completely honest, this is my very first time writing a story, and I’ve never really considered myself a ”GOOD” writer. When I first started posting, I never in my wildest dreams expected people to actually pick it up—let alone enjoy all the pure randomness, chaotic brain rot, and nonsense I put into these chapters! 😂

Seeing your views, comments, and support genuinely means the world to me. It keeps me going even when I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing!