Hogwarts: I Am Such a Model Wizard

Chapter 340: A Deal Between Adults

Chris had taken a full week off work, but by the second day, he realized he didn’t have much left to do. The basics of Apparition were fairly straightforward, and Kyle’s unexpectedly fast progress meant that Chris had already taught him everything essential in just one afternoon. Kyle adapted to the process so quickly that after a day or two, he hadn’t even Splinched himself once—not even so much as a misplaced finger—leaving Chris with no chance to use the Essence of Dittany he’d prepared.

By the third day, Chris’s patience for idling around had worn thin. To keep things “interesting,” he decided to add a bit of a challenge: setting the target locations farther away and shortening the time between each Apparition attempt. Sometimes Kyle barely had time to catch his breath before Chris urged him to Apparate again.

“This kind of constant repetition will make you twice as efficient at mastering Apparition,” Chris claimed with a serious tone, which sounded logical enough to Kyle—despite the suspicion that he might just be trying to make up for lost time.

And so, Kyle had no choice but to endure the new firecracker-like routine, disappearing and reappearing at a faster and faster pace. The hillside of St. Catchpole Village began to sound like a series of celebratory pops each time he Apparated.

By the fifth day…

On a small northern hill, Luna Lovegood was outside, tending to the hydrangeas and occasionally leaning close to peer among the blossoms.

“What are you looking for?” her father, Mr. Lovegood, asked curiously.

“Blibbering Humdingers!” Luna replied. “I just saw them, crawling on the petals.”

“Well, then you’ll need to look more carefully…”

“Pop!”

Mr. Lovegood’s words were interrupted by a loud crack, shattering the peaceful scene. Suddenly, Kyle appeared in front of them, looking as if he’d been in a skirmish. His clothes were tattered, his face was flushed with exhaustion, and most unsettling of all—he was missing half an arm.

Mr. Lovegood’s eyes went wide, his mind jumping to an alarming conclusion. Someone’s after this child… In broad daylight, no less, and in the quiet of St. Catchpole Village! Chasing down a student who hadn’t even graduated yet—such nerve!

This isn’t twelve years ago!

But before Mr. Lovegood could even pull out his wand…

“Pop!”

There was another loud crack, and Chris appeared beside Kyle, quickly pressing Kyle’s half-detached arm back into place. With practiced ease, he smeared a layer of Essence of Dittany over the wound, sealing it back up.

“Chris, what on earth…?” Mr. Lovegood asked, thoroughly bewildered.

“Oh, Xenophilius! You’re… home?” Chris stammered, clearly caught off guard. “I thought… didn’t you take Luna to Northumberland?”

“The Crumple-Horned Snorkacks are gone,” Luna said simply, tilting her head.

“Yes, we got back about an hour ago,” Mr. Lovegood nodded. Then, catching on, he raised an eyebrow. “Are you… teaching Kyle Apparition? I thought he was only fourteen…”

Mr. Lovegood, recovering from his initial shock, was now observing Kyle with a curious look. The popping sound and the half-reattached arm told the whole story—Splinching. Only Apparition could explain it.

“Well… yes, we were just…” Chris hesitated before sighing. “Alright, it’s true. But, er, can you keep this quiet, Xenophilius?” he muttered, lowering his voice. “I suddenly remembered that I need a gift for the Romanian Ministry of Magic. What do you think of an… unconventional magazine?”

“Like The Daily Prophet?” Mr. Lovegood asked.

“No, no, that’s too formal,” Chris said, shaking his head. “I was thinking The Quibbler might be more appropriate.”

“Ahem…” Mr. Lovegood cleared his throat, glancing away. “Luna, I think we may have a colony of fairies in our garden—they’re making me hallucinate.”

Luna blinked thoughtfully. “Dad, fairies don’t make people hallucinate.”

“Maybe one of them has… evolved,” Mr. Lovegood mused.

While they were talking, Chris quickly took the opportunity to whisk Kyle away from the hill. They’d already been practicing for five hours, and now that they’d been caught, Chris decided to call it a day. It was getting late, anyway.

On their way home, Kyle, now with his arm properly reattached, asked, “Are you sure giving The Quibbler as a gift to the Romanian Ministry of Magic is… appropriate?”

The magazine, while beloved by a niche crowd, was known for its, well, unconventional content. Most wizards found it confusing at best and dismissed it as a collection of outlandish theories and bizarre stories, read mostly by those in the Spell Damage and Mental Illness wards at St. Mungo’s. Giving something like The Quibbler as a diplomatic gift might come across as… unusual, to say the least.

“It’ll be fine,” Chris said, waving off Kyle’s concern. “Most of them won’t be able to read it anyway, and I imagine some of those ideas will be… amusing, at the very least.”

By the sixth day, Kyle’s arm was completely healed, but his Apparition training came to an abrupt halt. The reason? Diana had returned home unexpectedly and happened to witness the entire scene of their “training.”

After watching Chris’s Apparition “lesson” for a moment, she calmly excused herself to run an errand in Diagon Alley. But before leaving, she took Chris’s arm with a tight smile and didn’t let go.

When she returned later, alone, she informed Kyle that Chris had decided to spend a few extra days at the Ministry and wouldn’t be home for dinner anytime soon.

Kyle wisely chose not to ask why Chris had taken leave only to “return to work” so suddenly, especially after catching a glimpse of Diana’s expression.

...

July passed quickly.

On his birthday, Kyle received an array of gifts, including a glassy topaz-colored object from Fred and George. Attached were two notes:

”Happy Birthday, Kyle.

This is a pocket Sneakoscope. If there’s anyone suspicious around, it’ll spin and glow.

We tested it ourselves, and it works brilliantly.”

”The only downside is that it’s not exactly selective.

Yesterday, a beetle crawled into Bill’s soup, and it kept glowing… even though the beetle clearly got in there on its own.

Oh, and Percy’s now Head Boy of the Boy Scouts, so we’re all thrilled enough to get him a brand-new badge.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. He doubted every word the Weasley twins wrote. What kind of beetle crawls into soup all on its own? They probably had a hand in it 98 percent of the way… And Percy’s Head Boy badge was sure to have a tarnished reputation soon enough.

Kyle set the pocket Sneakoscope aside and picked up Hagrid’s gift again. As expected, it was a book.

The Monster Book of Monsters.

As soon as Kyle took it out, the book sprang upright with a thud and, like some sort of odd crab, began scuttling across the floor on its side. The book’s charm lay in its magical quirk—enchanted to appear as if it were alive. But the trick to handling it was simple: a gentle stroke along its spine, or—

“Relashio!” Kyle shouted, casting the Charm.

The Monster Book instantly stopped moving and flopped limply onto the floor, resembling a bizarrely tasteless cushion. Kyle walked over, looped a piece of string around its spine, and then picked up Hagrid’s card.

”Dear Kyle, Happy Birthday!

You’ll need this book next term, so I’ll leave it at that for now.

We’ll talk when we meet. You’ll never guess what happened—still feels like a dream.

All the best, Hagrid.”

Kyle raised an eyebrow, surprised by Hagrid’s unusual reticence. Sending him a book with a note that he’d need it next term strongly suggested that Hagrid was stepping in as the new Care of Magical Creatures professor, filling the position left by Professor Kettleburn’s retirement.

Last semester’s events had cleared Hagrid’s name, finally allowing him to do more than his Gamekeeping duties. The joy was evident in his note, and Kyle couldn’t help but feel genuinely happy for him, too.

After a moment’s thought, Kyle grabbed a piece of parchment and penned a reply:

”Dear Hagrid,

Thanks for the gift; I really like it, and I can’t wait for school to start—though there’s still a month to go.

I’ll be heading to Romania with Mr. Scamander soon to visit the Dragon reserve… something big’s about to happen there, where the Dragons will battle each other until the strongest one becomes their new leader.

Kyle

P.S. I hear there are dozens of Dragons there.”