Gun of Ashes

Lawrence’s voice paused.

”Death has already become vague to us, yet even so, you still feel you will die—die on the path to seeking the truth, die in that cold northern land.”

Death, an incredibly serious and cruel term, but on these two monster-like individuals, it seemed to have lost its original meaning. It was a term belonging to mortals, no longer able to confine these monsters on the path to Ascension.

However, the now immortal monster seemed to have foreseen something. He knew of his own death, accepting it calmly, going forward with delight.

”I’m not so absolute in my words... It’s not certain; I’m just a bit uneasy.”

The Plague Doctor thought for a short while, then continued.

”I’m just speculating, there must be some danger there, or with the history of the Demon Hunting Order, they couldn’t possibly have missed these clues. If that’s the case, they would have already launched an expedition to the north long ago. But the result is nothing, which leaves only two possibilities.

Either the end of the north is merely a desolate glacier, or there’s something guarding there, offering no chance of return to those who venture forth. So the secret of truth is forever buried there.”

At this thought, the Plague Doctor became excited.

”I really want to know what on earth is going on.”

Lawrence ignored him, seemingly reminiscing. He rarely reminisced, and with the overuse of Authority: Gabriel, his consciousness had long collided with countless memories, intertwining to form a twisted, mad life.

This seemed not to constrain Lawrence. Most of the memories of his life were already shattered and lost, but there were some he still remembered firmly, never forgetting.

”Maybe it’s empathy, maybe it’s seeing another self, maybe it’s some remaining humanity...”

Lawrence muttered to himself.

”Plague Doctor, do you remember what you said then? You knew I would die in that predestined future, die within my ideals, and you were very happy. You were happy for me, saying what an enviable scene it was.”

The calm face showed slight twitching, perhaps the memory tugged at wounds, Lawrence’s expression turned slightly hideous, but his demeanor remained calm, as if even the bone-chilling pain couldn’t shake his will.

”At that time, I also thought this way of dying was great. You know, not everyone can die so contently, and then I saw you...

At some moment before, you should have pondered, whether to submit, whether to listen to me, in exchange for the possibility of continuing survival.”

Lawrence still stared straight ahead, as if talking to himself if the Plague Doctor weren’t beside him.

The Plague Doctor nodded, sitting carelessly on the chair. In his current state, there was no need to be vigilant, as if he had let go. Since life and death were all in Lawrence’s hands, it was better to relax at this last moment.

”Yeah, I thought about it, after all, dead is really dead. Whether it’s truth or life, everything would disappear with death.”

”Then why did you stand up in the end?” Lawrence asked confusedly, as the Plague Doctor was covered in wounds at that time, with no chance of winning, but still feigned death to launch a surprise attack.

”Because if I didn’t leave at that time, I might never have another chance. Who knows if you can win that apocalypse battle? You said you would die in the apocalypse, think about it, Lawrence, even a monster like you died, how could I have a chance to survive?”

The Plague Doctor shared his thoughts.

”Staying might mean dying in the apocalypse. If trying to escape, there might still be a glimmer of hope... It was too beautiful, too tempting, worth sacrificing everything for.

Of course, that glimmer was snuffed out by you. Damn, you’re really a monster. If I wanted to leave, I would have to at least kill all the soldiers, right? After all, you are the legion itself.”

The Plague Doctor took a deep breath. This was Maruri Port, where all the military provisions were taken over by the choir warriors.

This had to be faced eventually, he asked.

”So what are you going to do with me, Lawrence?”

Lawrence did not respond, also looking north, where the sea met the sky, perhaps hiding the truth of this world.

”Actually... I too really want to see, Plague Doctor, I want to witness the so-called truth, understand the essence of this world. If I could, I’d very much like to go with you, but unfortunately, there’s no time. I must stay here and prepare for the war’s opening.”

His tone changed, he slowly turned his head, his vacant eyes gazing at the Plague Doctor.

”So I will let you go, to pursue that so-called truth.”

”Then can you give me a quick end... huh?”

The Plague Doctor was about to ask for a less painful way to die when Lawrence’s words struck him, looking at Lawrence in astonishment, his face beneath the bird-beak mask twisted as if doubting whether he heard correctly.

”Yes, I’ll let you go, just like I said before, the fleet, soldiers, supplies, everything you need I will provide, to let you complete this expedition for truth.”

Lawrence guessed the Plague Doctor’s thoughts, continuing.

”As to why? Because I understand you.”

He extended his hand, trying to touch the sky.

”We’ve sacrificed so much, becoming monsters, selling our souls to the devil, enduring pain, burdened with sin... And now, it’s within reach...

I understand your thoughts, can empathize with your feelings, and because of that, I feel I shouldn’t stop you.”

Lawrence stated his reason, which to the Plague Doctor seemed quite absurd, even causing him doubt. He started wondering if this was really Lawrence before him. A monster that cold-blooded and crazed, yet showing this side, the Plague Doctor couldn’t believe it.

”Plague Doctor, we became monsters for something, but, regrettably, we can never become true monsters, because atop these inhuman bodies, there always remains a ’human’ part, like impurities in metal, which no amount of refining can remove.

And that is the ’reason’ we became monsters, the vows we made when we were ’human.’ Even if we became monsters, it still followed us, becoming this impure element.”

Lawrence paused, since that burning wilderness, he seemingly never again showed such a side close to humanity.

”Plague Doctor, you helped me, researching ’Revelation,’ producing Secret Blood, forging the legion.

One could say you helped me realize my wish...

I think... now it should be me helping you achieve your wish, rather than letting you die here for some strange reason.”

The Plague Doctor was stunned, hesitating for a moment.

”So does this... make us ’friends’?”

The Plague Doctor felt puzzled; such terms were too foreign to him, and likely to Lawrence as well, yet mentioning it now gave an indescribable feeling.

Joy? Or something else? This feeling was too unfamiliar, so much so that the Plague Doctor didn’t know how to describe it. However, he soon felt a sense of loss, acutely aware this precious thing existed only at this moment. Soon he would set sail and leave—perhaps this was his and Lawrence’s final meeting. Their paths had finally reached a fork, each heading toward different places of death.

”Maybe...”

Lawrence couldn’t quite understand either. He began to doubt what he was doing. In his heart of hearts, he should kill the Plague Doctor, but because of that laughable reason, he let him go.

Who would have thought monsters could have friends, setting fire to mountains together, committing unforgivable acts...

Lawrence shook his head in mild helplessness, then raised his hand to press against his face, pressing hard on his forehead, trying to ease the pain in his mind, chuckling wryly.

”Friends, huh? Sounds quite wondrous, monsters having friends?”

The voice sounded again, this time Lawrence lost his original calm demeanor, becoming enraged, whispering with contained fury.

”So, Plague Doctor, go die.”

Those words seemed wielding blade and spear, aiming to utterly kill the Plague Doctor.

”Die for your truth.”

Listening to his words, the Plague Doctor seemed to want to say something more, but felt such words were unsuitable in the exchange between monsters. He gave up, turning his head back, looking far ahead, answering calmly.

”Hmm, I got it.”

The Plague Doctor paused in silence, then said.

”Then farewell, Lawrence.”