Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

Aun’Saal Kel’tau stepped off the shuttle behind his more senior Ethereals, just a half-step behind, but that was enough of a show of deference for those who knew what to look out for. 

The Fire caste commandos, the three ethereals employed as their honour guard, were already fanning out around them in a protective circle. Even if all that was worthless, considering there must have been hundreds of thousands of marines on a ship this size. More than enough to overwhelm the commandos, no matter how skilled or talented. 

With how his last meeting had gone with Echidna, how the balance of power between them shifted so heavily, he had been expecting many things. Maybe thousands of armed soldiers greeted them in parade rest in a show of force. Maybe there would be some flesh-crafted monstrosities, or perhaps towering orks meeting them. 

Instead, the hangar bay was all but empty, though more spacious than any he had ever seen before on a Tau spaceship. It was clean and white, with a few silvery accents here and there, but that was it. In form and architecture, it resembled Tau designs with its aversion to corners and edges, instead of the blocky Imperial style. 

They were not left without a welcoming party entirely though, for before them stood a single diminutive woman. She stood at best five feet tall, had her white hair bundled up in a bun, and, more interestingly, had a pair of triangular ears atop her head that looked distinctly feline. 

Kel’tau blinked, seeing a matching feline tail covered in fluffy alabaster fur slowly swishing left and right behind the woman. He had heard of there being an ‘abhuman’ subspecies with feline characteristics among humanity, but he’d been led to believe that they looked hideous.

He should have known better. Whether it was paranoia or deeply ingrained loathing for all that was different, the humans once again proved they couldn’t be trusted. Even if he couldn’t see the woman as attractive as a Tau, he could tell objectively that she was rather pleasing to the eye. 

“Welcome aboard the Sovereign, My Lords,” the woman said, bowing slightly to them before straightening. She held a pleasant, professional smile. “If you would follow me, I will lead to you to Lady Echidna. She’s been looking forward to your arrival for some time now, it is good to see that your travel seems to have gone unhindered.”

“Is your Lady short on servants?” Aun’vre Ay’ur asked, his voice clearly derisive as he panned his gaze about the empty hangar. “Is a single girl all she managed to scrounge up for a welcoming party for her allies?”

Kel’tau was tempted for a moment to slam his stubborn idiot of a senior into a wall, but he dismissed it. There was nothing to be done. Ay’ur words might have been scathing, but that’s all they would ever be, words. The man was throwing a tantrum, if you wanted to be crude about it, stomping his feet like a petulant child after losing an argument and being told to play nice with the cousin he didn’t like. 

“Her servants are infinite, and upon the Sovereign, I am never alone,” the woman said, her lips curving down into a frown as she stared at the Aun’vre like he was something between an unruly child and a pile of dung she’d just stepped into. 

Ay’ur snorted, but it quickly turned into a choked gasp as the floor rippled like the surface of a lake. He couldn’t put it into words, but Kel’tau felt something ephemeral in the air, like a shudder running through the ship as forms emerged from the floor. 

They rose up, hundreds of them standing in a line behind the woman before them, and they matched the descriptions of Echidna’s armoured warriors. Pearlescent alabaster armour covered them from top to bottom, sleeker and more agile-looking than any power armour he’d seen, and each stood at about seven feet tall. They were utterly uniform down to the last one, and each stood still as a statue, with their arms clasped behind their backs. 

“The walls of the Sovereign have ears, among many other things,” the woman said, a prideful smirk flitting across her lips before the professional, benign smile retook its place. “Claws, maws, guns and blades among them. From what I’d been told, up to a million of the warriors behind me are ready to fight at a moment’s notice at a time to banish any foe foolish enough to board the ship. Would you prefer they remain visible to escort us to My Lady, or may they go back to rest as they were? My Lady was of the mind that their presence was intimidating, and somewhat improper, seeing as we are allies now with your Velk’Han Sept.”

The void serpent and the massive ship were a show of force. Kel’tau groans inwardly. The single-person welcome was supposed to be a show of trust, not an insult. But of course, Ay’ur had his head too far up his rectum to see it, and now he made us all look like fools, while also forcing our host to make a much more blatant show of force.

Echidna clearly wanted them all to know the balance of power, and for them themselves to feel off kilter from the seemingly endless list of impossibilities she kept throwing their way. 

Kel’tau might have been annoyed, or even furious, once at such an arrogant power play against his Sept, but Echidna’s actions a few months prior had been monumental. The destruction of the first fleet of the Achilus Crusade, and the death of Lord Militant Tetrarchus at her hand, gave the Tau a window of opportunity.

They could finally change the tide of the war, and advance after centuries of being locked in a stalemate against Ebongrave’s forces. Thanks to her, the Velk’Han Sept now had a chance to become the ascendant power within the sector. 

Her actions to help the cause made her deserving of respect, and her obvious power demanded it. 

Some of our caste truly go out too little and forget the realities of the galaxy we live in. Even if the T’au’va makes us the most enlightened society among the stars, we are not ascendant; we are not the most powerful. Earning the scorn of an ally, or even just a possible one, without any benefits, is just foolish.

 Some Aun were made for governing and guiding their obedient flock, not for heading the war effort or being in charge of diplomacy. Ay’ur was obviously among them. 

******

“Idiot,” I murmured, a smirk playing across my lips as I watched my daughter humble the arrogant Ethereal. I’d been kind of hoping I’d only ever have to deal with Coldstone in person, but apparently that was too much to ask. “A few more minutes.”

As I said that, I tightened my arms around Selene’s waist and hugged her close, burying my face in the nook of her neck as she squirmed in my lap. I was as relaxed as I was ever going to be with our recent, hasty stress-release exercises, and I felt like I might need it to stop myself from punting that blue little shit into the nearest star.

“Let me go,” Selene said softly, a clear hint of reluctance in her voice. “I need to get dressed before they arrive.”

I gave an exaggerated woeful sigh, squeezed my lovely partner once more and then let go of her. “Moments like these make me reconsider my plans for the future. Maybe I should have just ran away to some distant part of the galaxy with just you, my love. No interruptions, just cuddling and lots of sex. Heaven on earth.”

She snickered as I slumped back, giving another dramatic sigh, but spun around and placed a lingering kiss on my lips. When she pulled away, there was a playful smirk on her lips.

“The wait makes the reward all the sweeter,” Selene said, smiling coyly at me as I seriously considered making the Tau’s elevator take a long route instead so I could drag this naughty minx back into the bedroom for another go. “We’d had our fun, and now it’s time to make ourselves deserving of more. Now, honey, please clean me up and repair my poor clothes. What did my shirt ever do to you to get savaged so ruthlessly?”

“It knows what it did,” I said pompously, and waved my hand, causing all Selene’s lost clothing to come flying back towards me. I touched each and banished all the dirt from it, before mending all the tears and scrapes on it. Another gesture had Selene sparklingly clean, and sadly bereft of all the love-marks I’d left on her body, not that they’d have lasted even that long without her willing them to. “There you go.”

She rolled her eyes at me, the playful smirk still in place as she saw me staring intently, knowing I could have teleported them onto her with a thought. She was in a good mood, though, so she happily gave me a last show as she dressed herself, maybe a bit more sensually than usual.

All too soon, she was fully dressed and nudged me to get moving. I rose with a last sigh, conjuring up my own set of clothes from bio-energy, then rolled my shoulders.

“Alright, showtime,” I huffed. “This might get annoying, the old blue cunt seems like he doesn’t get clues unless you quite literally smash him in the face with them. I suppose ending up with two out of three amicable ethereals was as far as my luck goes.”

“Is he being a nuisance even with the show you put on for him with Cat?” Selene asked curiously. 

“He’s being quite for now, but I can feel him stewing.” I shook my head as we made our way to the ‘throne room’. If it was only Coldstone, I’d have met him in a more comfortable lounge, but apparently, statements needed to be made. ”Catherine’s proving to be quite adept at annoying him, too; that girl has turned passive aggressiveness into an art form.”

Catherine, or Cat as she preferred, was one of my more adventurous and headstrong daughters. It just so happened that she ended up as the equivalent of a blue-collar paper-pusher. Nobody knows what they want to do minutes after they are born; the same goes for my daughters, so Alpha assigns them jobs based on where they are needed most. Like Cat, they can request changes, but most of them go to Alpha for that. Meanwhile, my spunky feline daughter decided she wanted to see the wider galaxy at my side, even after I drove it home that it could end horrifically for her.

The first time I met her, I could tell she had been chafing under her tasks, and when I pushed she wasn’t shy in making requests — begging, really, making ample use of her adorably large eyes to give me the most irresistible puppy-dog eyes I’d ever had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of — and I saw no reasons to refuse. 

So now she was my secretary, outfitted with all the feline features of my new, improved Felinids, because ‘I might as well go all in on the cat-theme, Mom’. It suited her well, and it seemed like her new role was much more fulfilling for the girl too, so overall, I was happy with how that turned out.

My throne room was bare, empty of all furniture besides the singular massive marble throne on the far end, standing atop a raised dais. We made our way over as I split my attention, half my mind reworking the sizable but unimpressive hall while the other eavesdropped on the approaching Tau delegation. 

Marble-like pillars, carved in ancient Greek styles, rose around me, as grand frescoes drew themselves over the empty walls, depicting moments of history I could recall from Warhammer lore. The War in Heaven, the Horus Heresy, the fall of Cadia and so on and so forth. 

Between each pillar rose towering statues, each a fully functional example of my combat drones’ Knight-Killer variant. But just to drive my point home even more thoroughly, line after line of human-sized warrior drones rose up from the floor, each clasping their hands atop the pommel of a bone-sword stabbed into the floor before them.

They stretched from the bottom of the dais all the way over to the grand doors of the room. I had a small smile on my lips as I took them all in, then lowered myself onto my throne, with Selene taking up her spot next to me.

With another gesture, a luxurious red carpet rolled over the floor, from the foot of my throne all the way over to the entrance.

“Are you sure you don’t want a throne of your own?” I asked, leaning back and relaxing while I could. “We are partners, not master and servant.”

“I like it more this way,” Selene said after a few moments of silence, her voice soft and gentle. “I’m your advisor, and not-so-secret lover. Officially, anyway. Maybe I’ll be your consort in the future, but there are steps that need to be taken for that.”

“Okay,” I said, nodding as I thought her words over. Steps that needed to be taken indeed. I knew what she was talking about. With our Bond, it was obvious, and I’d like to say even without it, I wouldn’t have been dense enough to miss it. 

Just … somehow taking those steps seemed more terrifying than facing down the entirety of the Imperium all by myself. They had to be perfect, absolutely perfect. Nothing less would be enough; Selene deserved nothing less.

I need to get control of this sector first. I decided, not at all avoiding the problem. That would be cowardly. Once I have things in order, once things are a bit calmer and we have our safe-haven … maybe then.

Blessedly, the massive gates of the hall took that moment to start swinging open, revealing my adorable daughter with a feline grin on her lips, and the put-upon Tau delegation behind her. 

I was only so happy to get back to my much simpler problems. Who would have known I’d prefer the dreaded political games over considering how to propose to my girlfriend?