Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

“And now he is gone! The End!” I said, smiling at my entranced audience. 

Selene was groaning, massaging the bridge of her nose. Val looked mildly affronted, like I had just thrown a bug into his soup, while Zedev gave off no visible reaction, but I could feel him discard an entire mental folder of plans.

The others? Bob was horrified at having had a Primarch on the same planetoid as him, Fae was livid at the same thing, and poor Zara looked like she was about to get a heart attack or a stroke any minute now from pure stress.

I gently reached out and uncoiled the tightly bound bundle of nerves that was Zara. I needed to go ahead with my plan about that girl soon because I was reasonably sure she would break down if I wasn’t around to psychically calm her now and then. 

“What’s the likelihood of him actually calling in that favour?” Valenith asked with a frown.

“Who knows?” I replied, shrugging as I dropped into my chair. “Not that it really matters. Healing the Emperor’s physical body is one of the easiest steps that need to be taken to return him to life. If it wasn’t me, it would be someone else. This way, I can at least make sure they don’t botch the whole thing and make a fifth Chaos God instead.”

“That’s a possibility?” Val asked, now holding a hint of horror in his voice as even Selene and Zedev looked up sharply.

“A very real one,” I said, my tone drier than the Sahara. “The Dark King, the Chaos God of Ruin. Only chance and the sacrifice of some heroic souls prevented its birth during the Heresy.”

“And you can prevent it from going wrong?” Selene asked, sounding like she had very mixed emotions about the topic. On one hand, she was a servant of the Imperium not long ago, venerating the Master of Mankind. On the other hand, the big man was not likely to look favorably upon the lot of us. 

“I can do my best,” I said, shrugging again. “Nothing is certain. My best bet’ll be tracking down His soul shards that hold his better attributes and making sure they are shoved down his gullet before any resurrecting starts to happen.”

I even had a clue about where to start on that. The Starchilde. A fragment of the Emperor, dreamed about galaxy-wide by Psykers and precognitives as the rebirth of the Emperor. It was supposedly born from the love, loyalty, empathy and humanity that the Emperor cast out of his soul before his battle with Horus. 

Though it was old lore, so I wasn’t sure whether it translated to this … version of the Warhammer universe. So far, everything I knew had been holding up, but I mostly dabbled in the newest canon lore, not old theories and conjectures made from decade-old Codex entries.

Another damned bullet point to add to my to-do list. I grumbled inwardly. That thing just kept getting longer and longer even as I worked my ass off to reduce its size. 

“It would also be easier to sabotage their efforts from the inside,” Val pointed out calmly, earning varying responses from the gathered. Bob looked miffed, while Selene’s mixed feelings deepened. But Zedev, while showing no outward signs, was downright considering murdering my Eldar advisor.

Even if the Magos served me now, he still saw the Omnissiah as his God, and the Emperor as its earthly manifestation.

Note to self: don’t mention that I’ve had similar thoughts while Zedev could be listening.

“Anyway! All that’s in the far future,” I said, clapping to gather their attention back on myself. “I am not helping either way until I can ensure that we will remain free and safe. I see a lot of conquering and cover takeovers in our near future. With the Tau launching a major offensive, I think taking control of the Jericho Reach is within the realm of possibilities.”

‘Agreed, by the way.’ I spoke into Val’s mind, to which he only reacted by slightly narrowing his eyes as he stared at me. ‘But the good Magos is already thinking of murdering you, and I don’t want to dispose of him, so let’s not advertise that idea in his presence.’

‘Understood.’ Val replied, and I cut the connection.

The Jericho Reach. It was a remote and isolated slice of space with few worthwhile resources for the major players of the galaxy. Which was one of the primary reasons why I had chosen it as my destination to set myself up. The Imperium and the Tau were the biggest obstacles at the moment, but there were also other problems slumbering in the dark reaches of the sector. The Deathwatch knew about many Chaos Worlds, some quarantined Tyranid systems, Ork kingdoms of varying sizes … and Necrons. They weren’t sure, but they suspected that numerous undiscovered Tomb Worlds were scattered across the sector. 

Then there were the other varied horrors that belonged to no major faction but could still prove problematic. A world ruled by an AI, the eldritch abominations in the halo stars on the galactic border, and more. 

I’d have my work cut out for me, but the Imperium was first up on the chopping block. Or rather, the Achilus Crusade and its holdings in the sector.

“Wait, he refused the rejuvenation treatment?” Selene asked after a few seconds, making my thoughts snap back to the present. I frowned and recalled the details.

“I wouldn’t say that,” I said. “He was a bit peeved when we parted ways. I wouldn’t dismiss the idea that he was just too angry to remember. But he did also mention that he couldn’t trust me to operate on his body, which is fair, I could hide a whole slew of nasty surprises in his body if I so wished. I wouldn’t trust me if I was in his shoes either.”

Hypothetically, I could also kill him effortlessly if he subjected himself to my procedure. But I doubted his plot armour would allow that. Dying on an operating table would be the lamest Primarch death ever. So in practice, that would be impossible.

I spent the next few hours calming them, and more importantly, planning our next course of action. Plus, delegating of course. Fae and Bob were still tasked with construction, Zedev with reverse engineering technology and Alpha with handling the Arcologies and her sisters. 

Selene and Val were the only ones free of any obligations, but that wouldn’t be for long. I planned to take my girlfriend with me on our little crusade against the Imperium, and Val would be left behind as a protector of Vallia. He was the only one strong and versatile enough aside from myself who could keep the Orks and any other problems that might pop up in check. 

Finally, I decided not to be an ass and guided Zara’s soul into my Realm. It was both easier and harder than with the others. The Shadow obstructed the Daemons from swarming her soul in force as she made the journey, but it also made the task of projecting her mind into her soul much more challenging.

But Zara was a tough girl. She persevered, and now her flickering little soul shone in my realm like a tiny star. With this, she wouldn’t have to worry about overdrawing on the Warp and inviting Daemonic possession or corruption. She could still blow herself to smithereens by channeling energy beyond her body’s limits, but I was reasonably certain she wasn’t stupid enough to do so.

Plus, I could clamp down on it if I noticed it in time. We had tested it with Selene. I could prevent any soul energy within my realm from flowing into a soul, even if that soul was a psyker trying to yank that energy into themselves. My soul simply had a much stronger pull on that energy, one that no lesser soul could contest. 

It would also allow me to soothe her mind even if I was half a galaxy away by using her soul as a vector for my powers. That had some curious implications. Essentially, anyone whose souls were in my realm was at my mercy, even Val. His power output might come close to that of my Avatar, but my soul vastly eclipsed his Aeldari one in power. 

Mental soothing wasn’t the only power I could use that way either. I don’t know why I’d never considered this before, to be honest, but I could telepathically communicate with everyone whose soul I had in the realm. Or I could look through their eyes, even puppeteer their bodies, though I didn’t want to ever do such a thing. 

Well, they could fight it of course, like they could fight any Psyker power from affecting them by the strength of their spirits. But again, my soul was ridiculously powerful.

For now, I’d only use it to keep in contact from afar and to soothe the poor traumatised Zara. In the future though … it could be the foundation of an interstellar telepathic network. A communication network that worked not merely at FTL speeds, but instantaneously. Even the Necrons would be impressed, and the Imperium and its Astropaths could only watch on in envy.

I just needed to leave behind people whose souls I had in my realm in every star system I controlled. 

Further uses of this discovery would have to wait though. Especially since everyone whose soul I had on hand at the moment was a trusted confidant, and not some unfortunate disposable sod I could experiment on freely. And I was reluctant to dirty my realm with the souls of the likes of people I usually preferred to experiment on. 

My mind-cores worked tirelessly to optimise my designs, to create different versions of drone templates for various purposes. I needed my spaceship designs perfected first, and then the rest. 

In the meantime, I prepared as much as I could. There was another gathering of the Senate, where it finally started somewhat operating in a way I imagined it. They made proposals for new laws to govern themselves with, made requests of me, and put forth questions I never thought to answer.

I granted most requests and allowed most proposals that gained a majority vote to go forth without vetoing them. I cared little about how they policed their internal economy, or what laws they put into place about banks, land ownership, business and such. The only ones I vetoed were stuff that would have empowered them to start meddling in stuff I considered strictly my business, like policing them or the military. I also had a bottom line for some things I didn’t allow to slip under, mostly quality of life for the common citizens, healthcare, minimum wages, work hours, vacations. 

The 21st century Earth I knew was a paradise when compared to the Holy Terra of today, but it didn’t mean I had to be satisfied with replicating any nation I knew. I wouldn’t allow myself to be shackled by the ideals of that world.

Case in point, I would not waste my time with putting criminals guilty of the great crimes I’ve forbidden to death. Rape and murder were punished by immediate and very painful death. Most of the time, that death came before they could even properly commit the crime, if I was on the moon at the time. A mind-core would send me a ping, and the offender would suddenly implode from a spike of psychic power. 

The people started settling down, and the chaos following their relocation was dying down, giving way to calm monotony. The system was working, and they were starting to believe that it truly wasn’t too good to be true; there was no other shoe waiting to drop on their heads and crush them. 

Only the upper crust and the few would-be scientists more involved in the salvaging efforts of the Imperial vessels seemed to see the other shoe, and they were properly terrified. They saw the distant but impossibly huge boot that could stomp out their little paradise if it so wished. 

But their horror was not singularly aimed at the distant threat of an Imperium that held control over a million worlds; it was more spread out. They now believed the information I shared with them about the forces of the galaxy, and the smarter ones also had a much healthier level of fear of me, as the one who destroyed an armada of warships the likes of which had advanced designs they could barely comprehend the basic scientific principles of. 

That worked to oil the Senate and help it function as it should. They didn’t push when I put my leg down; most of them learnt quickly where my bottom lines were and strayed well clear of them.

That meant they also didn’t protest when I enshrined the privileges of myself and those I elevated into my ‘Council’. It wouldn’t do if they thought they could run loose if I was away on some adventure, so I made sure the chain of command was crystal clear. If I wasn’t available, Selene would be my regent. If she was away with me, then Alpha would take her place. 

All that meant I was reasonably certain my little budding holdings wouldn’t implode the moment I was away. I even tested the automated systems built into the arcologies, and the control terminal held in the Fortress that was keyed primarily to Alpha , and my daughters in general. With that, they should be able to issue commands to the organic computers, commanding the legions of combat drones I’ve left behind in case the need arises. 

By the time I sensed the squadron of Tau warships approaching three months later, I was merely expectant and excited, no longer worried about whether all I’d built up until that point would come undone by my departure. I trusted my daughters to hold it together with all the support systems I’ve built for them. 

“Ready to go on a crusade, my love?” I asked with a grin, glancing up at the empty sky as my spar with Selene suddenly came to a halt. “Our blue friends are here. It is time.”

“Always,” Selene said, her voice hungry as she gave me an eager grin.