Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

A deeply mournful sigh slipped through my lips. I snuggled closer to her and buried my face in the nook of her neck.

I was aware that I was… touchy? Well, while that isn’t wrong, maybe ’physically intimate’ described me better. I loved the feeling of holding someone close to me, their warmth on my skin. Just the knowledge that someone was so inherently close to me was nice.

”What is it?” Selene — being the attentive goddess that she is — noticed my distress.

Cuddling my cutesy new girlfriend had to unfortunately come to an end. I wasn’t too much into people watching me make out with Selene and I thing neither was she.

”He’ll be here in a minute,” I mumbled, reluctant to stop nuzzling her.

”He?” I giggled at how dazed she sounded. It seemed the kiss had a similar effect on her as well.

”Dante,” I said reluctantly, pulling my face away from her and giving her a smile.

”And?” she asked, blinking up at me innocently.

Oh~ if you want to play it like that~

I let out a sound that came from somewhere deep; it was between a growl and a cat-like purr. I was surprised at myself for a moment, but the beautiful flush it put on Selene’s face made me forget even thinking about where the sudden urge to make that sound came from.

Just when I was leaning in to kiss her brains out —

[~~Ping~~ Chapter Master Dante ETA 10 seconds!]

You cockblocking motherfuckers!

I gave a quick peck to Selene before slipping out of her hold and plopping down onto the couch next to her. Selene might not have cared in the heat of the moment, but I knew she’d be quickly regretting putting herself in such a shameful position in front of Dante.

”Come on,” I nudged her in the side. ”Put on your serious face.”

”Fine,” she almost whined.

An armoured foot struck down right outside the reliquary, with two more following closely behind it.

Right.

Dante.

”You should probably put on the armour if you want to keep ’Heretic’ out of your files,” I glanced at Selene sideways and while she bit her lips with a frown, she shook her head.

”No,” she said resolutely, a cute blush still on her face.

”Alright.” I smiled at her. I liked the sentiment, but that choice was more like ’me’ than ’her’. That’s a good thing?

The door creaked open and Dante stepped inside, holding up an arm to hold back the two Space Marines following behind him. The back of my neck tingled in alarm. Not the ’HOLY SHIT I’m going to die.’ way, but the ’someone very dangerous is watching me.’ way. I didn’t feel that the first time I met Dante, though, did he change that much from having a heart-to-heart with daddy dearest?

No … it isn’t coming from him.

[~Ping!~ the presence of an individual assumed to be ’Mephiston’ disappeared 36m21s ago.]

My spine straightened, and I had to hold myself back from releasing a psychic blast all around me to find him right that instant. He wasn’t attacking me, meaning they either weren’t confident in beating me, in the process of setting up something to kill me or just wanting to talk, and the literal angel of death and madness was just here as a precaution.

A bit much for little old me. A part of me revelled in the surge of pride at that thought, but another was just dying of nervousness, as Mephiston was among the few I considered capable of actually killing me and not just my avatar like the Necrons. I didn’t want to see whether I could regenerate my mind.

”Commander,” I smiled gracefully as I stood up. ”It’s good to see you in such a great shape,” my eyes flickered down to his still exposed stomach, then back up at his exposed face, sporting a deep frown.

”’Echidna’ was it?” he asked. Sparing only a single flick of a glance for Selene hidden behind his mask.

”Yes, Luis.”

”I suppose I owe you a thanks,” he narrowed his eyes at me, easily ignoring me being an annoying little shit. ”It was you who healed me, wasn’t it?”

”Yes.” At my nod, he seemed to be both grateful and annoyed. Quite understandable when he knew he couldn’t die, but really wanted to.

”And you?” he glanced at Selene, who was now standing a step behind me in her armour, but with her face still exposed. She showed no emotion, back straight, hands held behind her back, chin raised and her face like a statue’s.

”Selene Voss, once that Captain of The Wanderer and with the grace of his Majesty a Rogue Trader.”

”I see,” he held her gaze for a second before breaking the stare off and turning back to me. ”We have much to discuss.”

”That we do,” I smiled and sat back on the couch, crossing my legs and intertwining my fingers over my knee.

The couch I sat on slid back, Selene barely managing to keep looking all dignified as it kicked her legs out from under her.

He too grabbed a oversized chair from the side and sat down, armor creaking as he did so.

”What do you want to talk about?” I asked with a businesslike smile. Let’s not make him ask the crazy Psyker to kill me.

”We made a deal,” he said sourly, ”and I intend to keep my part, to do that.”

”Great.” I smiled.

”You led me to believe that your assistance wouldn’t end once that Hive Tyrant was killed,” he leaned forward. ”It was killed, wasn’t it?”

”It was,” I nodded. ”And I am assisting you. Did your scanners fail to notice my friend’s gaggle of tanks? I think turning half a kilometer’s worth of aliens into scorched ash was noticeable enough even for your scanners?”

[~Ping!~ Unnecessary hostile tone used by ’user’ … please cut back on it.]

No.

”So he is with you,” he nodded. ”And so are the Psyker and that woman there?”

”Yep, that makes four of us, as I said.”

”As it stands, Baal will fall.” He stared into my eyes. ”And we will both die.”

”I doubt it,” I smiled. ”Fate likes to torment you far too much to kill you off.”

”Fate, is it?” he asked dryly.

Don’t Echidna! Bad! Bad tentacle girl!

”You might call it Father,” I shrugged as my lips twitched. Idiot.

He hummed dangerously, and I just scratched my cheek awkwardly. There are jokes I shouldn’t be making, but the urge was just too much to contend with.

”You are here, aren’t you?” I tried to turn it into something other than a mean-spirited joke.

”I am.”

”So,” I clapped. ”What do you want?”

”My reliquary, without you in it, for one.”

”That is doable.” I nodded generously. ”Anything else I could help you with?”

”You came to Baal somehow,” he stated. ”Could you get us off of the planet?”

”I could.” I leaned back. ”But I won’t.”

”I see,” he said with a dangerous stare.

”Don’t worry though,” I smiled. ”Let me give you some information. The first one is free.”

”You will only have to hold out for … ” How long now? [ETA: 16d6h] ”Sixteen days and six hours.”

”Why?” He asked with a slight frown, but I could taste the intrigue in his voice.

”There is an Imperial Fleet in the system already. They entered just two hours ago and they are making their way over here as we speak.”

”An Imperial Fleet?” He sounded dubious. ”Here? In Imperium Nihilis? Excuse me for feeling doubtful.”

”Believe it or not, soon they’ll be in reach to hail you, I think,” I shrugged. ”You do have some working long range Voxes or connection to Baal’s noosphere, right?”

He stayed silent.

”I have no reason to lie to you.” My lips curved into a smirk. ”I know the name of their flagship, too, but that’ll cost you something.”

”I’d be more interested in whether you’ll aid us in defending this fortress.”

”I might,” I shrugged. ”Tyranids are fun to kill, right?”

Selene stiffened up as I redirected the attention to her, giving a stiff nod and a slight glare at me. Oops.

”Let me ask you something in turn,” I tilted my head as I lazily cast my gaze around the room. ”Could you tell your friend to stop stalking in the walls and come out? It is rather rude to not introduce himself.”

Dante just nodded and, like a shadow crawling out of the edge of perception, the Blood Angel’s Chief of Librarians appeared behind his Chapter Master. Where Dante wore artistic armour making him look like a winged hero of legends, Mephiston’s armour was a meticulous recreation of how a flayed man might look like. Tendrons and muscle fiber were all carefully recreated from blood red ceramite and while Dante was the picturesque Vampire from teen dramas, Mephiston was the one that might appear in a horror movie.

”Greetings,” his voice was dark and wispy.

His sunken gaze stared at me, evaluating, indifferent and judging all at the same time.

”Hello~,” I intoned with a slight wave. Then I sighed. ”Much better. It is so annoying when you know someone is watching you. It makes my neck tingle, you know?”

”I see,” he offered, his arms crossed as Psychic power surged inside him. He didn’t release it, but I could tell that at a moment’s notice it’d transform into some of them most deadly Spells known to man.

”Do you even need my help with him around?” I tilted my head at Dante with a slight pout. Ah damn, my dignified lady look has crumbled.

”Yes,” he said simply.

”Bummer,” I shrugged. ”I’ll help when I help. I have more than given my share into this fight by finishing off the Swarmlord.”

”Swarmlord?” Dante crested an eyebrow.

”The ’oversized’ Hive Tyrant that turned you insides into outsides.” I clarified helpfully, though his stony face didn’t same to appreciate it.

”Do you know what it was?”

”Ehhh,” my eyes widened. ”I gave away free information, damn. Pay up if you want to know more.”

”What payment do you want?”

”A lock of hair?” I tilted my head. ”Hmmm, and one from him, too. Current ones.”

”Locks of hair?” he frowned but he seemed to realize that I was gunning for their genetic material. ”Why?”

”I do genetics and biology as a hobby,” said pridefully. ”Never had a chance to see what a Chapter master and a Chief Librarian have in their genes.”

Dante gave a brief glance at Mephiston before shaking his head.

”No.”

”Aww,” I rolled my eyes at him. My graceful image was already shattered so might as well. ”Hmmm, I’ll give you five questions. With a right to refuse them, of course, but if I refuse even one, then I’m helping you for a whole day for each refused question. How about that?”

”That is,” he stared at me. ”Agreeable.”

”Alright,” I leaned back and relaxed into the couch. My force-field was running at max strength and my tenth layer of Psychic shield has been fully powered up and overlaid onto my skin like a veil. Of course, Selene also got her own protections powered up and much to my joy, Mephiston was looking at the both of us with more than a bit of confusion. ”Ask away.”

”What was the name of the flagship?”

”The Macragge’s Honor,” I smirked as his eyes widened ever so slightly.

”Who is leading this supposed fleet?”

”Aww, I refuse.” I shook my head. ”That’d be such a mean spirited spoiler. You get one day of me murdering Tyranids so far.”

”What is the ’Swarmlord’?” His face stayed the same, never changing, but a smidge of annoyance mixed with satisfaction in his aura. He was more that willing to have me refuse answers if he got me to fight for him in return. Not that I wouldn’t have gone back out, so much free biomass lying around.

”The avatar of the Hive-Mind. It is a singular creature that remembers all of its previous iterations. It has died a million times over countless battlefields and with each death it comes back stronger, more prepared, more equipped to handle anything it has run into before.”

”So it will come back?” He asked carefully, much more interested in my answer.

”No,” I shrugged. ”It shouldn’t. It takes a while to make it and it takes far too much biomass for the Tyranids to make it. Just the fact that it died once should discourage the Hive-Mind from remaking it here again.”

”I’ll not count that as a question,” I added before he could open his mouth again. ”And your friend can ask too, though it’ll count for the five questions. I think he’ll have some interesting ones of his own.”

”Third question: What are you?” he continued without acknowledging me. Rood.

”That is the question of the day, isn’t it?” I smiled. ”Unfortunately, I haven’t got a clue. That should tell you enough by itself.”

”May I,” Mephiston asked in a whisper. ”My Lord?”

”Yes.” Dante nodded and leaned back.

”Oh, nice.” I smiled.

”Why can’t I sense your soul?” he asked with a curious tone, though that was quite disquieting when he looked like a villain from an R18 comic book.

”Because you use the Warp and I am not connected to it.”

”How?”

”I have always been like this, for as long as I knew,” I shrugged. ”One more question.”

”Are you an ally of the Imperium?” it was Dante who asked that. His gaze dark and cold, carrying with it a bloodlust cultivated over a thousand battles.

”Hmmm,” I rubbed my chin in thought. ”That is a complicated question. You know that, right?”

”It is not.”

”Would I help you? Were you in mortal danger? Yes, that is one of the reasons of me being here. Would I help a Puritan Inquisitor? They would need helping to keep me from flaying them.”

Mephiston’s power vibrated in his grasp, but he wasn’t throwing Smites around just yet.

”So no, I am not an ally of the Imperium but I could be an Ally of the Blood Angels while they are under your command.” I stared into the old Space Marine’s eyes.

We did some staring after that. Selene, like the champ she was, kept sitting still and looking dignified through it all as some of the most dangerous men in the Imperium stared the two of us down.

”Would me putting on a mask like yours help?” I broke the silence. ”It helped Szarekh.”

”Szarekh,” Dante said distastefully, though he narrowed his eyes at me. ’How does she know?’ was written on his wrinkled face. ”It earned him only disdain.”

”Oh well,” I shrugged. ”What now?”

With a thought, my soul-thread widened to my current limit and roiling soul energy was standing just at the edge, ready to flood into my mortal body and help me show these Angels that they stood in the same room as a goddess.

[~Ping~ Dangerous levels of unfounded vanity. Calculations show only a 23% chance of victory and 73% chance of escape should a fight break out.]

Why are they so annoying? … They are based on me, though. So why am I so annoying?

Dante stood. His ancient gaze bearing down on me.

”The agreement holds,” he stated. ”You are allowed to remain along with your companions. I will fulfill my part of it as fate wills it.”

”Great,” I said and rose to my feet as well, striding forward to stand right in front of the Commander. Space Marines were really huge from up close, two and a half meter wasn’t a joke.

I held out a hand.

”Hair locks please.”

Dante pulled off a finger length part off of the end of his long grey hair and after a nod, Mephiston followed along, though both looked at me dubiously as I shoved my loot into my pocket. A pocket that wasn’t there a second before, but having a shapeshifting armour had its advantages.

”Thanks,” I chirped as I waved for Selene to come, making her stand up and shadow me.

”I suppose we shouldn’t be hanging around here any longer,” I glance up at Dante. ”Can we get a place to sleep? Some rest would do us good before we head back out.”

”You will have a room for yourselves.”

”Thanks~,”

”What the fuck is up with this woman?” — Commander Luis Dante, probably?