Getting Warhammered [WH 40k Fanfic]

”Say, Valenith, Val, can I call you Val?” I asked as I stepped up next to the Eldar, his amethyst gaze glancing at me sideways as he considered my question carefully.

”I suppose I am not opposed to it,” he said with a slight grimace.

”Well, Val,” I smiled at him, hey why are you stepping away from me? ”you Eldar are all-natural psykers, and you are even specialized in it, so what do you say about mentoring me a bit, hmm?”

”That is a dangerous path, and none among my kind would step onto it without careful deliberation,” he said, his voice measured as I felt licks of his power testing my psychic aura. My soul couldn’t be felt through the Warp, and even as he stood next to me, I doubted he could catch a sense of it due to my usually thin soul thread, but what he could feel, though, was my metaphysical body and the abundance of soul energy that courses through my body every second.

I started to circulate a sizable amount of it through my body and overlay it on my mindscape to protect me from attacks and such ever since that feathered asshole barged into my head. It wasn’t taking any sizable amount of energy, as only tiny amounts of it were suffused into my physical body, but compared to what I’d spend even on a simple telekinesis, this much is nothing. Though even this much would seem like a whole lot to those who use the regular Warp for power. You open that tiny gat in your soul just a touch more than needed, just a sliver wider than you wanted and the demons lurking in the dark will come rushing through to possess your body and use your body as a Warpgate.

It was a weird situation; other psykers didn’t have to worry about their energy storage, as all of the Warp was out there, ready to fuel them. Their only worry was energy throughput. Then came the part where malicious Warp fuckers would try to possess you but I guess you win some, you lose some.

”We choose who to tutor in our ways carefully, and I don’t think there has ever been an Asuryani who taught a non-Eldar.”

”You could be the first,” I side-eyed him, ”don’t make me eat your brain; it’d be a shame to smash that pretty skull of yours to bits.”

”I could give you some pointers, but our secrets are our own,” he said resolutely, staring forward without a hint of emotion on his face.

”Great,” I elbowed him, ”I never had a teacher before.”

His ankles twisted around each other, and I was just about to catch him before his face got introduced to the stone floor, but he somehow spun around and managed to gracefully rise back up. He coughed once and straightened his spine as he looked me up and down. His eyes glowed with energy as I felt his energy scan me.

”Urgh,” I grimaced, ”can you not do that?”

”Apologies,” he said unrepentantly as the feeling abated; it was like my whole body was a mouth, and he just opened it all and vomited inside, fuck the Warp, disgusting, ”You don’t seem to have the slightest hint of taint on you, even if your soul is disturbingly faint, your power seems disproportionate. Do you use some technique to hide your soul? No, excuse me, ignore that question.”

”Alright,” I nodded with a raised eyebrow, ”just don’t do that without asking; the feeling is disgusting.”

”Most would say the feeling of the great sea rushing through you is the most intoxicatingly ecstatic feeling in the world.”

”I am not ’most’,” I rolled my eyes.

”Indeed,” his eyes narrowed as he pursed his lips, ”Would you be willing to tell me how you use your powers?”

”I just let the energy flow,” as I said that, I yanked slightly on my soul thread, sending my need for energy through it, and it came rushing as the thread widened into a tunnel, ”then I just wish for the energy to do what I want,” I gathered it up in the palm of my right hand and held it up for him to see; it glowed slightly in an opaque white hue, ”let’s say I want it to burst into flames,” before I even finished speaking, my hand was coated in gently flickering white flames that bobbed up and down as I walked.

”May I?” he asked as he held his hand centimeters away from the flames; I looked into his eyes and saw nothing of the composed Eldar. His eyes were wide and filled with a hint of madness as he breathed in and out heavily.

”What do you want to do?”

”I want to feel this energy,” he said as his gaze flickered between me and the flames, ”it is... so pure, untouched by the horrors, I want to feel it.”

”Sure,” I shrugged, ”but make sure you don’t become addicted or something; we still need our guide.”

”Yes, yes, I’ll just need some meditation when we stop to camp for the night,” he said, and I obliged him.

”Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt,” I controlled the energy to shift back into its purest state, leap off of my hand, and seep into Val.

He closed his eyes as he took several deep breaths; his steps stopped and along with him so did the rest of us. Zedev observed the whole exchange in silence as his blinking red eye probably recorded every second, while Selene was looking between me and the Eldar with a complicated expression on her face.

I stepped back next to her and pulled her into a side hug; the bio-armor was better for hugging than her bulky power armor, but it still wasn’t quite the same as holding a woman in my arms with only thin pieces of fabric separating my skin from hers.

”You’re worrying about something,” I said to pass the time as the Eldar did his thing, ”mind sharing? Ignore me if it’s something personal, of course.”

”Ah,” she tilted her head, accidentally leaning it on my shoulder as she did so; she stiffened for a moment but relaxed a moment later and let my shoulder support her head, ”So say, you are not actually an Inquisitor, right?”

”Nope,” Zedev’s movements stopped as his mechanical head turned my way; he stared at me for a moment before turning back to continue observing his live Eldar subject, ”I’ll go as far as saying that you are the first person from the Imperium that I’ve met...and talked to.”

”That...” she looked at me weirdly, ”but I couldn’t even tell you weren’t an Inquisitor if you bothered to act like one for more than a few days.”

”It was such a bother,” I shrugged, ”and what could you do? The three people on the ship that wouldn’t fall over dead from a single telepathic order from me were you, Zedev, and that Navigator.”

”Really?”

”Yep,” I winked at her, ”Isn’t it great to have me on your side?”

”So anyway,” she changed the topic with the grace of an elephant in a porcelain shop, ”since you weren’t actually an Inquisitor, or a member of the Imperium even,” she considered her words carefully as I waited, ”well, I guess it’s a dumb question, seeing the Eldar you’ve buddied up with but mmmmmm....”

”I can guess what you want to ask,” I looked at her still leaning her head on my shoulder like one would at a cute animal, ”and no, I’m not xenophobic, I’m not even human Selene, I don’t care if you have a fetish for tying up some submissive Tau or whatever worry is swimming around in that pretty little head of yours.”

”I do not have a Tau bondage fetish,” she hissed at me as her head left my shoulder to glare at my face, ”Where did that even come from?” she huffed as she crossed her arms.

”I tried to come up with the most embarrassing fetish I could think of,” I shrugged with a smile, ”I hope you’re not secretly into one of those ugly ass Xenos though,” I shivered as some came to mind.

”I don’t even want to know what you are thinking about,” she sighed wearily, ”say,” her eyes narrowed on me, ”since you are not human isn’t your sense of beauty different from mine?”

”Am I beautiful in your opinion?” I asked back as my feet took me a few meters away from her, I twirled around my ankle once to show off my finely crafted body hugged skin tight by my bodyglove.

”I guess so,” she said as she averted her gaze, ”what does that have to do with it?”

”Well,” I rolled my eyes, ”I think I am absolutely gorgeous, I crafted every inch of this body to perfection, well in looks if not in power but that is beside the point.”

”So do I have this right?” she stared at me incredulously, ”You are your own beauty standard?”

”Yep,” I nodded.

”And you can make ’drones’ of yourself,” she looked at me weirdly, ”with the same looks as you and feel everything they go through.”

”No, I did not fuck my drones.”

”*Cough*” Some heat rushed to her cheeks at my blunt answer and it almost made me giggle, ”Right.” she nodded sheepishly. Not like I haven’t considered it though, but even my narcissism has limits. Okay, I didn’t do it because I had too much to do lately. Don’t shame me.

”So you mostly have the same sense of beauty as us?”

”I wouldn’t say that,” I shook my head softly as I slumped down on a statue that fell over, ”I think your architecture is horrendous, if I see another skull or just a bit of gold I think I’m going to puke but in people, my taste probably matches what you’d consider normal in the Imperium of Man.”

”That’s weird, isn’t it?” she tilted her head.

”I am not what I look like Selene,” I smiled wryly at her, ”I am not a shapeshifter, I’m a mimic or something like that, without a form to replicate I am barely alive.”

”How does that even work?” she slumped down next to me.

”It’s wonky but since I have a soul it’s not too annoying, I have to be careful as my soul is much more malleable than a human’s.”

”Malleable?”

”Yep,” I nodded my head cheerfully, ”If I turned myself into a dog for example and I didn’t take any precautions, my soul would slowly become more and more like a dog’s.”

”Are you alright like that?” she asked with a worried frown on her face.

”It beats being a powerless human,” I shrugged, ”I just have to be careful with how I use my powers and how I set up my mindscape.”

”I won’t even bother asking,” she leaned her head on my shoulder again.

”You do you,” I leaned my head onto hers.

”Why do you even help a ’powerless human’ like me?” she asked with a weak voice and my ears caught the tiniest trembles in it.

”A cyclone torpedo would kill me just as much as it would a normal human,” I said, ”so would a Gauss flayer, a Virus Bomb, or one of the myriads of fucked up weapons your Imperium has stashed away in their dark little storages for times just like this, when monsters like me show up.”

”And my Warrant of Trade is going to stop them from doing that?” she didn’t sound too sure about that.

”I can act like I’m a normal human if I need to,” I said, ”It’ll be a pain in the ass but if I need to I’ll act like I’m your personal maid or counselor or something.”

”I don’t think I can imagine you acting like a maid,” said Selene and I felt her smile in her voice.

”Hmmm, maybe a mistress then” I nodded to myself, ” a mighty Rogue Trader must have a single mistress at least.”

Selene didn’t say anything but if the slightly reddening ears were any indication she liked that idea.

I heard a sound like a sack of potatoes falling over and as my gaze snapped up I saw Val sprayed out on the floor with a delirious smile still on his face. Then he started snoring.

”I guess we are staying here for a few hours,” I said absently, ”You two should get some sleep, even your organic parts must need some rest Zedev.”

”Affirmative, a month of continuous operation was straining but the rejuvenation you’ve done on the organic components made most of those issues null.”

”Sure,” I shrugged.

”And I thought sleeping in a sleeping bag was shit,” said Selene with a lost look in her eyes.

I smirked as a quick burst of powers morphed her armor, the outside shifted as the inside turned into a soft material and I covered it in soft furs.

”Ugh,” she looked down at herself, ”a warning please.”

”Sorry.”

”You are not.”

”I am not.”

”Ugh, good night.”

”Good night ~”