The Sorcerer's Handbook

Chapter 150: Because You Want to Protect Yourself

”Me? Scared?” Freya asked instinctively. ”But didn’t you just say I was happy?”

Adela shook his head. ”Happiness and fear can coexist. I’ve seen it plenty in casino duel matches. A player draws an excellent hand, thrilled at the thought of winning, yet still worries that the opponent might have an even better one. That fear never leaves them.

”Happiness comes from what you already have, while fear comes from what your opponent could snatch away at any moment. Freya, who are you playing against, and what kind of game is this?

”This class is boring anyway. Instead of paying a therapist to talk, you might as well talk to me. I don’t even charge.”

Freya hesitated. ”Usually, psychological counseling means seeing a therapist who has nothing to do with your daily life...”

”True,” Adela said, resting her chin on her hand as she studied Freya’s face. ”But here you are, so happy, yet your eyes are constantly sending a ’save me’ signal. I just can’t stand by and do nothing.”

Freya lightly brushed her fingers across her cheek, lost in thought. Adela didn’t press and simply waited quietly beside her.

The sunlight was warm, and the lecture from the teacher had been soporific. Yet amidst this ordinary calm, Freya seemed almost out of place. She radiated a kind of happiness Adela had never seen before.

Not even the thrill a gambler felt after a full comeback in a casino, erasing a lifetime of debt just to escape the fate of endless labor as a mechanical miner, could compare to Freya’s serenity. Not even a student admitted to the Red Mist Research Institute could feel so at ease. Not even successful entrepreneurs, sorcerers, professors, or scholars could match it. It was... blinding.

So much so that Adela felt a pang of unease, a faint trace of revulsion.

After a long silence, Freya finally spoke. ”I know a veela...”

Adela nearly burst out laughing. ”Oh, pfft, hahaha, alright, go on.”

Freya shot her an exasperated glare but continued, ”For some special reason, she met a man...”

Bound by the contract, Freya couldn’t reveal Ashe’s identity, appearance, or the fact that he lived in her apartment. Even so, she could share fragments of their time together in roundabout ways. When they spent the night together, she said they stayed at a hotel. When they had dinner each evening, she could say she went to Ashe’s place, or recount how she scared him enough that he wouldn’t go to bed.

After recounting these small fragments, Freya finally admitted the strange emotions stirring within her. ”I feel both drawn to him and repelled by him. I want to be close, yet I want to stay away... I don’t know if I’m sick...”

”That’s easy to understand,” Adela said with a knowing smile. ”The veela has fallen in love.”

Freya shook her head. ”No, absolutely not. I’ve loved before. Love is closeness, desire, greed, and embrace. It isn’t about disgust or wanting distance.”

Adela leaned closer. ”Love comes in many forms and serves many purposes. The kind of love you’re used to comes from appearances. It’s a fiery desire to satisfy yourself, easily replaced if something more attractive appears. But this man brings you something different. It’s not a fleeting desire, but joy in understanding, companionship in daily life, and harmony of the soul. You might meet more beautiful faces, but only one truly fascinating soul like his will come along.

”That’s why you feel both repelled and drawn to keep your distance. He is irreplaceable. Even worse, he is slowly weaving into your life, like a poison seeping into your bones, impossible to remove.”

She added, ”What a cunning man. He let you into his life, so your life became intertwined with his. He wants to know you, so you want to know him. He depends on you, so you depend on him. Only a man willing to abandon pride, independence, and privacy could act like this. Even someone with basic moral education wouldn’t stoop so low. And yet here he is, shamelessly embedding himself in your life, and you, unfortunately, fell for him.”

Freya felt dazed and asked instinctively, ”Then what should I do?”

Adela said softly, ”Follow your instincts. Dislike him, stay away. If you don’t, you’ll drown in this deepening attachment until you’re no longer yourself. Then it won’t just be the man holding you captive. It will be everything you’ve invested in him.

”You’ve heard it in the orphanage many times, right? Any relationship that worries you will corrupt you, any relationship that causes grievance will hurt you, and any relationship that changes you will control you. Everything this man does is corrupting, hurting, and controlling you.”

Adela grabbed Freya’s hand. ”We endured all that education not to lose ourselves. We exist for ourselves and ourselves alone. There is no room to place anyone else.”

”Do you remember the core principle of the Bloodline Prohibition Act?”

Freya murmured, ”It’s... personal freedom...”

”Exactly. Personal freedom. After the bloodline prohibition, family no longer exists. Affection and love have no foundation. Every person severs societal chains, gaining true freedom of self.”

”You may value him now, but that’s just a temporary illusion. Next year, next month, tomorrow, or even the next second, you might develop new feelings, fall for someone else, and live a new life. This isn’t just for you, it’s for him too. Humans are far more mutable than veelas. Think about it. If he suddenly has new feelings and chooses to leave, how would you feel?”

Freya thought of the dwindling few days of his ”expiration date” and felt her chest tighten. She struggled to speak, ”It would hurt.”

”Exactly. If just a short acquaintance can cause pain, imagine months or years. You might twist yourself to keep him, bending entirely to his will. You anticipate this possibility. You fear this future, which is why you feel uneasy and want to keep your distance. Even if he’s soft like cotton, you still fear being pricked.”

Seeing Freya’s expression grow more pitiful, Adela whispered in her ear, ”We don’t need irreplaceable love.”