The Sorcerer's Handbook

In the men’s restroom of Shattered Lake Prison.

More than thirty people were crammed into a space barely large enough for half that number. Only seven were prison guards; the rest were death row inmates, all clad in the classic black-and-white striped uniforms.

”Angus! You! Get out of here! Stop hogging the stall if you’re not even taking a dump!”

”Amaro! I remember your Contribution Points aren’t that high anymore. How dare you offend me like this?”

”Desmond, come out! I’ll owe you a favor, alright? Just come out!”

Warden Nagu stood with his thighs clenched, furiously tapping across five terminals in a row. Yet not a single stall door budged. The nearby inmates erupted into snickering laughter. The mocking sound made Nagu burn with shame; he ground his teeth nearly to pieces.

Those bastards, who deserved to be thrown into the lake and fed to the fish, had occupied every single stall.

Nagu growled, ”Sharvik, how much longer?”

Another guard, legs clamped tightly with an expression so ugly it could curdle milk, opened a small screen. ”Thirteen minutes. According to the Restroom Usage Regulations, no one can stay in a stall for more than sixty minutes. Just hang on for thirteen more minutes!”

Nagu forced out the words through clenched teeth. ”I... I can’t hold it anymore...”

”Oh wow, oh wow, is the warden going to pee his pants? Gross.”

”Shh, shh, shh~”

”That whistling won’t work. If you want someone to lose it from sound alone, you need sharp, urgent noises that make the bladder contract and the urge spike. Same principle as people wetting themselves in danger. So... nails on stainless steel, like this!”

A piercing, grating screech echoed through the restroom. Nagu stiffened instantly and took small, hurried steps toward the urinal. Before he could even unbuckle his belt, seven to eight heads craned forward to watch. Other guards tried to help, but a human wall of inmates blocked them.

The prisoners couldn’t touch him or attack him because of the restrictions in place. They had no intention of trying anyway. They simply watched with the same curiosity one might reserve for a circus performance, all while adhering the rules.

Nagu really didn’t want to undo his pants. Still, he steeled himself and yanked them down.

”Tsk~ tsk~ tsk~”

”That’s it?”

”About the same as when I was a kid...”

Wave after wave of scornful commentary washed over Nagu. His anger flared so hot it felt like his stomach might burn through. Gritting his teeth, he sputtered, ”What do you know! You bunch of... bunch of...”

”A bunch of what? Come on, curse me, Mr. Warden.”

”Louder! Put some force into it! That soft stuff won’t do. Do you still want to be a warden?”

”The warden’s going to scold me! I’m so excited!”

Nagu’s face flushed beet red. Words stuck in his throat. In the end, he managed only, ”Rude bastards!”

”Oh no! The warden called me rude! I’m outraged!”

”Rude? Such a filthy word. Nagu, how could you curse so viciously?”

”Waaah, I’m crying from being scolded! Wait... no, I’m laughing!”

The death row inmates erupted in laughter. Seeing Nagu humiliated, the other guards felt the same helpless rage. Their faces were red, but none dared rush in. Any sudden movement could cause them to leak, too.

One inmate suddenly realized something. ”By the way, Nagu, are you blocked or something? Why isn’t anything coming out? Don’t tell me... you’re the type who can’t pee with people watching?”

”No way! Then I’ll stare until my eyes get inflamed and still won’t blink!”

”Time to test everyone’s eyesight! Nagu, ten minutes left. We’ll help you hold it in!”

If not for the overwhelming urge pounding at his soul, Nagu would have passed out from rage.

Just then, the restroom door was shoved open with a loud bang!

Nagu’s expression softened instantly, and his body relaxed.

Ashe stood in the doorway, staring at the crowd surrounding the urinal. ”What are you all doing?”

The death row inmates replied in perfect unison, ”Looking at Nagu.”

They were exceptionally well-behaved.

Ashe raised an eyebrow. ”Why? Don’t you have it on you, too? Who didn’t tell me? I’ll transfer her to the women’s restroom right away. What’s so interesting about peeing anyway? All of you, turn around. I don’t like people watching me.”

The inmates and guards exchanged uneasy glances. Finally, someone spoke up, ”If you could—”

Ashe interrupted calmly, ”If I could make you lick the restroom clean, would you turn around? Fine. I’ll go pull up the Sinner’s Directory right now—”

Whoosh!

Every single person spun on their heels, surrendering to the obscene tyranny of the evil cultist, Ashe. He shook his head helplessly and, as he passed Nagu, patted him on the shoulder. ”No need to thank me. Think of it as returning the favor for those boots you gave me back then.”

Ashe, you really are a—

Nagu’s thought was cut short. Since he still hadn’t finished, he had no choice but to swallow his humiliation and mutter through clenched teeth, ”Thank you... for stepping in.”

”Oh, you’re too polite,” Ashe said, walking to the far corner urinal for a brief metabolic release. ”Getting used to the accommodations? If you have any complaints, feel free to raise them.”

Nagu finally snapped. ”You locked us in a restroom, and you’re asking if we’re comfortable?”

Ashe replied, ”Can’t be helped. In this prison, only restrooms allow bodily discharge. If I locked you somewhere else, you’d have to hold it until your insides exploded. And you still wouldn’t be allowed to pollute the environment.”

”Our private cells—”

”Nope. Everyone’s detained together, guards included. These pieces of social trash might not help me, but they’re definitely happy to see you suffer. They won’t ruin my plan.”

Nagu’s voice turned cold. ”Do you really think you can escape?”

Ashe pulled up his pants. ”Starting to care about my future now? That must mean you’re quite satisfied with the living conditions here. Then I’ll be going.”

A death row inmate suddenly rushed forward. ”Evil one! Take me with you! I’ll follow your orders!”

”Me too! I’m excellent at licking! In every sense!”

”I’m a Two-Winged sorcerer. I’ll be useful to you in your escape!”

”And me!”

Before this, the inmates had seen no hope of escape. Now that the sudden possibility of fleeing the prison had appeared before them, their long-suppressed desires flared like dry straw igniting, and they clamored to join Ashe.

Ashe raised both hands, trying to calm the chaos. ”Alright, alright, I hear your wishes. Don’t worry. I’ll do my best to make sure that not a single one of you—”

The inmates lit up with joy, their excitement nearly tangible, while the guards tensed.

”Stay here... and wait to die.”