The Forsaken Hero

”If only it were so easy,” I murmured, showing a haphazard smile.

”You don’t believe me?” Fate asked, raising her eyebrows.

I looked up at her, blinking in confusion. She was serious?

”I am,” she answered my unspoken thought. ”And it’s not impossible.”

”But I’m just...me! It’s a miracle I managed to reach eighth, but ninth?” I shook my head. ”It takes hundreds of years to break into the ninth level. It takes countless hours of study, practice, and experience. I’ve barely known magic for two years. Someone like me can’t reach Selena’s level.”

”And who decided that?”

I opened my mouth, but closed it again. When I really thought about it, I found I had no answer.

”You’re a stronger mage than many ninth-level mages. And only two years? Think of it this way: you’ve accomplished what normally takes over a hundred years in those two simple years. Do you know that, with the help of me and this realm, reaching the ninth is truly out of the realm of possibility?”

”But I’m...I’m not like them,” I admitted, my tail rustling anxiously. ”I’m not like Villie, who wields magic like it’s a game, or Emilca, who’s forgotten more runes than I’ve ever learned.”

”Xiviyah, child, you’re comparing yourself to beings who have existed for countless millennia. They are not the standard to reach, nor a threshold to surpass. Even if you attain the ninth level and reach the very peak, you would fall short of their skill. You need only attain the lowest levels of that realm, something I’ve full confidence you can accomplish.”

”I don’t understand how. Luke absorbed so many shards and had almost twice as much mana as I, but even he fell short.”

”It’s not just about mana, or even casting a ninth-level spell. You remember when your friend Elise broke into sixth-level, do you not?”

I nodded. ”She used an array. I still don’t understand how that works.”

”Because the realm doesn’t measure the strength of the spell, but the strength of the soul. Both mana and skill factor into it, certainly, but they of themselves are not the mettle to be judged. If you want to break through, you need to become stronger. Not just your mana, but your soul. That’s all.”

”But I have no idea what that means! How am I supposed to make my soul stronger?” I asked, my tail beginning to thrash with frustration.

”Practice,” Fate said simply. ”Exactly what you have been doing all along, only more of it. More intense. More meaningful. You need to push yourself to learn, cast, and master higher circle spells. You’ve spent so much of your time moving and fighting, you’ve only really learned a handful of spells. You’ve adapted well, creating many variants and arrays, but that doesn’t push you in the way you need to be pushed. You need to stretch, to reach for new knowledge and power.”

”But my mana isn’t anywhere near enough.”

”You need not rely only on yourself. Eventually, you will, but for now, you have an Aetherial Prism and the blessing of the Fate Divinity. Use them.”

”I’m not sure I know how. I feel like I’ve just stumbled upon every advancement and improvement I’ve made. Like it’s all been one convenient accident.”

Fate let out a soft chuckle. ”If your life has been convenient, I’m curious to know what you think a difficult life looks like.”

My cheeks warmed, and I took my tail, holding it with both hands. Her smile faded, but her eyes remained warm with mirth.

”It is here you have the clearest advantage. The remnants you mentioned, Villie, Emlica, Invica, and a dozen more, are here at your disposal. They all have their quirks, some more than others, but all are eager to help you. After all, your breakthrough means more to them than anything.”

I nodded slowly, absentmindedly twisting my tail in my hands. I didn’t quite understand why they would be so invested, but they’d shown me they cared before. As much as Emlica complained, she’d never once held back from teaching me.

”Do you really think I can do it?”

”There are many paths in which you will,” she confirmed. Then, with a smile, ”And I think dedicating yourself to this will be good for you in other ways. Give you something to focus on besides your worries and burdens.”

Besides Luke. She didn’t say that outloud, but she didn’t have to.

I contemplated her words for a long time. For the first time since fleeing here, I felt the stillness of Haven, the peace I yearned for, brush against my heart. I took a deep breath, letting my shoulders loosen, and let my tail fall from my grip.

”I...I think I’d like that,” I said, giving her a small, sad smile. ”I’d like that a lot.”

Her smile was bright, filling me with hope. ”Then I would send you off to Emlica right away, to acquire some spells to study, but there is one more matter you’ve brought to me, no?”

I stared at her blankly, tail starting to twitch again. There was? I was so worried about breaking through, and on my aura, and on Luke’s visit this morning, that I barely remembered anything before then.

Fate’s eyes twinkled with amusement. ”You were supposed to ask me about the Last Light Company.”

I cringed, ducking my head in embarrassment, feeling strangely chastened. ”Right. Sorry.”

She smiled patiently, but it slipped as I avoided eye contact. Letting out a sigh, she pointedly cleared her throat. I started, blushing faintly.

”R-right! I thought because you already knew, I didn’t....er, I mean, would it be alright if I opened up Haven to them?”

”Of course it would. You have my blessing.” She gave a small nod. ”The more the merrier. I’ll have Jasrin choose a place for them. He might not seem it, but he’s very military-minded. I’m certain he’ll find somewhere they’ll feel right at home.”

”It better not be a hollow in a forest or something,” I muttered, thinking of the remnant ranger. It would be just like him to think people liked sleeping in the bushes. ”I promised them better than that.”

”I’m certain we’ll work it out. You’re welcome to bring them as soon as you’ve returned to Enusia. But first...?”

I looked up at the mural of the Father, finding him looking back at me. He looked...kind. Encouraging. I found myself giving him a nod.

”I’ll see Emlica. She’s got to have some spells I’m suited to learn.”

Fate smiled and opened her arms. I stepped in and hugged her, resting against her breast, soaking in her warmth.

”Thank you,” I whispered.

She patted my head, then gave me a little push. ”Thank me with your actions. I have high hopes for you. Do your best.”

I gave her a low, graceful curtsey and, with one last look at the murals, turned from the room. This time, the darkness wasn’t quite as oppressive, the walls a little less suffocating. The constellations on the ceiling glowed brightly, leading the way out of the cathedral’s inner reaches and into the chapel.

Gathrin was waiting for me at the entrance. He gave a small, relieved smile, the darkness that had clung to him before gone. He extended his hand, and I took it. The world spun, and I squeezed my eyes shut, my stomach twisting as the ground fell out beneath my feet. When I opened my eyes again, we were standing before the library.

”Thank you,” I whispered, bowing my head. ”And I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t realize it would affect you so much. It must be frustrating, existing on the whims of someone so...fragile.”

He patted my hand before letting me go. ”Your smile is all that we ask for. It’s worth a little bit of suffering.”

Before I could reply, he was gone, and I was left alone before the grand doors of the library. They were open, as they always were, and I could hear a faint, rhythmic tapping, like someone scribbling furiously. Taking a breath, I slipped inside.

The library was as I always found it. A vast, circular chamber with towering shelves that seemed to reach the heavens. Crystal chandeliers and wall lights gleamed brightly, driving the shadows to the corners. The aisles between shelves and corridors leading deeper into the building were empty. There was no sign of Nithalee. Or Sari. Perhaps the two were outside somewhere, practicing.

That made my heart sink. Emlica was always nicer when the foxkin was around.

I followed the scratch of a quill to the front desk, where Emlica sat. She looked up as I entered, pursing her lips in a frown.

”So you’ve the courage to show your face around here after...whatever it is you were sad about,” she muttered, waving her hand toward me. ”But I suppose you’ve already caught an earful, so that I won’t worry the point. It’s probably my fault, anyway.”

I sat in a stiff wooden chair, squirming on the hard seat. Had she pulled up a chair without a cushion on purpose? And what was she blaming herself for, anyway? It wasn’t her fault I was in a bad mood.

”The Soul Binder directly supports your aura,” she explained, seeing my confusion. ”I hadn’t considered the implications it would have on Haven itself, or us remnants. But given how closely tied to your soul we are, it’s not unexpected. I’ll do some more research and see if I can’t tweak the spell a bit, reducing the impact of your emotions’ volatility. You’re still a child, exploring your feelings is an important part of growing up. It would be unfair to take that opportunity away from you just because it makes a few of us old folk feel like murdering entire realms.”

”Is it that bad? Gathrin said he wanted to hurt things,” I said, a shiver running down my tail.

”It was pretty sharp, even for me,” she admitted, a dark look on her face. She cleared the expression with a shake of her head. ”But that doesn’t matter now. What you need is a spell. And I think I have just the one.”

She snapped her fingers, and an old, musty tome appeared a few inches above the desk. It dropped with a thud, facing me. At her nod, I ran my hand over the cover, tracing the gold inlaid runes.

”Spatial Rift? You want me to teleport?” I gasped, recognizing it from the runic dictionary. I looked up with wide eyes, a hint of desperation creeping into my voice. ”You know it’s not safe for me. Why would you ask me to learn this? I...I almost lost everything before. I can’t do it again. I can’t.”