The Forsaken Hero

We drifted through the skies in silence, as dusk slowly gathered on the horizon. Though he held me in his arms, I was alone, trapped in a cycle of smothering thoughts. Love...? I couldn’t...I didn’t...Love?

My chest tightened with every breath, until it even breathing felt impossible to breathe, and tremors wracked my body. My tail curled even tighter around Luke’s arm, until it ached, but no matter how I held him, or how strong his grip on me was, nothing quelled the feeling of helpless, that I was falling. That was the only way to describe it, the only sensation anywhere near what filled my heart.

The touch of the wind changed, and I opened my eyes a crack, my breath coming in short, shallow gasps. We were over the city again, the lights rapidly rushing toward us. Duskwood was already beginning its celebration, magical sparks and fireworks blooming across the city in defiance of yesterday’s darkness. The center of it all was Sunsinger Estate, with its gardens arrayed in ribbons and lit by colorful light crystals. Thousands thronged its grounds, there to greet the king and his allies. To greet us.

My stomach twisted as I spotted Korra and Gayron. She looked up and waved at us, and Luke altered course, landing beside her. The moment my feet touched the ground, I stumbled back, shivering as the cool evening air ushered Luke’s lingering warmth away.

”Xiviyah?” Korra asked, brow creasing. ”Is everything alright? You’re shaking.”

I pushed her away, barely hearing her, though the darkness clinging to my mind. ”I’m...I need a moment.”

”Luke, what happened?” she asked, turning to him as I unsteadily backed away. ”Did you say something? Go to her!”

Their voices faded into an unintelligible hum as I turned and fled, still struggling to catch my breath. I ended up alone, somehow, in some shadowed corner of the garden, away from the lights, and sounds, and...Luke.

Tears filled my eyes as I collapsed against the garden wall, hugging my knees to my chest, the crystal lantern tinkling softly as it knocked against the stone. I forced my eyes shut, rocking back and forth, but there was no peace in the darkness.

A soft gasp escaped me as I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder. I flinched, my head snapping up. But it was just Sari, her brow furrowed in concern. Fable walked around her, pushing me worriedly with his nose. I forced a smile, putting my hand on his head. He should have sensed I wanted to be alone right now. Why would he bring her here?

”You’re crying?” Sari asked, sitting in front of me. She took my hand, holding it in hers. I stared at them, dully wondering why they were the same size as my own.

”I’m fine,” I whispered, my voice catching.

Sari’s ears drooped as she leaned forward, peering at me even as I lowered my head. ”You don’t seem fine.”

”You can see it?” I asked, though I already knew the answer.

”You seem...scared. Just like when we first met. Do you remember? You wouldn’t even look at Ror and me.”

I couldn’t help but a weak, watery laugh. ”Things were so simple back then. To think I was so frightened of you two.”

Her smile faded as she moved to sit next to me, leaning back against the cold stone wall.

”Xiviyah...what are you so scared of now? It can’t be you met another pair of unruly children, can it?”

”I...” I started, but words failed me. I looked away, my gaze on the distant, flickering lights of the celebration. ”You wouldn’t understand. It’s...complicated.”

”Because I’m young?”

”No, that’s not it at all,” I said, quickly shaking my head. ”It’s about Luke. And me.”

”Luke? You love him, don’t you? What’s complicated about that?”

The breathe left my body as surely as if she’d punched me in the stomach.

”L-Love?” I stammered, my tail curling tightly.

She nodded. ”Just like Sorrin and Tanna. The way they looked at each other...you’re the same.”

The last of my composure shattered. I slumped against the wall, choking on a sob. ”It’s not...I can’t...Sari, I just can’t.”

She tilted her head. ”But I thought...wait, you don’t want to love someone? I thought it was wonderful.”

I shook my head. ”No! Not that I don’t want to, but... I can’t love someone.” I took a shaky breath, my tail finally going limp. ”Sari...I’m not like Tanna and Sorrin. What they had...love...It’s not something for people like...like...”

”Like us?” she asked softly.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I stared at my lap, unable to meet her gaze.

”Is that what you think of me? Of yourself?” she asked, a tremor shaking her words.

”Do you remember that day you saved me?” she whispered, her hand curling in a fist against her chest. She looked at me, eyes shining with unshed tears. ”You let me hold your tail while you recovered. There was Elinore and Korra.”

I shook my head, sniffling gently. I didn’t. Whether gone by time or the damage my mind suffered on the southern continent, I couldn’t recall what she spoke of.

”It was after your battle with the Justice Hero, back when he was still bad. He...he killed your friend. You really don’t remember?”

My breath caught, stifling a sob. ”Orion? He...he died protecting me. I was arrogant, we shouldn’t have...it was my fault.”

”That’s not what Elinore told me. She said he died for you, not because of you. He wanted to protect you.”

I nodded, the memories slowly trickling back. I had thought that then, but after all this time...I was foolish back then. I took too many risks, exposed myself too much.

”When you woke up after the battle, you told me you wanted to avenge him. And me, and...everyone.”

”I...I’ve never wanted revenge,” I protested, wiping a tear away. ”I don’t remember that at all!”

”No, you did. I’m certain of it,” she said firmly. ”But it wasn’t by killing them. You even forgave Victor, remember? You said you would avenge them by continuing to smile and making more friends. And you said you were going to keep learning how to love.”

”Learn...to love?” I whispered, my tail stilling its twitch.

She nodded emphatically. ”You did. Does that still mean anything to you? It makes me sad, Starlight. You gave me hope when I was lost and showed me how to be free again. But then...”

She lifted her hand, staring at it, before raising it toward me. She hesitated as I flinched, biting her lip, before laying it between my breasts. Her fingertips burned hot on my skin, tracing invisible lines once carved across my chest.

”Why did you close the door before following me out? Why do you let them continue to hurt you?”

”He...He promised me,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. ”He told me he was my master forever, that the moment he placed his crest, I would never truly be free of him. I didn’t think he was, but now...? He was right, Sari. I couldn’t even hear the word love without panicking. I just couldn’t control it. He was right.”

”So he said it, and you just believe him? The Circle...they’re all dead. Alverin is dead. Why do you still cling to their words? Why do you believe them more than this?” she asked, pressing her hand against my heart. ”You told me yourself that you’re not the same girl who they enslaved, and I see it too. You’re so strong, and kind, and brave. Can’t you have the courage to love, too?”

”I...I don’t know. But I’ve come so far, haven’t I! I learned to smile, and make friends, and...it was all so hard,” I stammered, startled out of tears by the ferocity of her words. Her tail lashed, and her eyes burned. I’d never seen Sari so angry before.

”Is that enough? Is that what you promised them?” she asked.

”Them?” My voice wavered.

”Orion, and...Aurle?”

I gasped, shivering anew. ”Where...where did you hear that name?”

”Do you think that’s why she died? So you could come all this way only to give up? I think...I think she’d be sad, Starlight. I know because I would be.”

”I never told you about her. I never shared any of this,” I whimpered, covering my horns with my hands.

”I saw it, Starlight. I saw her. At the coronation, when your power came to me.” Her voice softened, but it stabbed just as deep. ”I know, now, why you were so scared of Ror and me. We reminded you of her. That’s why you’re always so concerned about me. You’re worried you’ll fail again.”

”Sari, please...”

”I hate it,” she said, her voice trembling, biting her lip like the child I remembered. ”I hate that you still believe that. That I have to be the one to tell you these things. That no one else knows. But why can’t you see it? Why can’t you trust your heart as you told me to trust mine?” She pulled my hands away, her gaze full of pity, forcing me to look at her. ”I know what it’s like to live in darkness. You never had a heart crest, but did you need one? You’re still trapped, you still foster some darkness in your heart. I saw it all in a blink—the months you spent with her. That’s why I know what she would want to tell you.”

She saw all of it? All? Everything Lord Byron did to me...did to Aurle? But Sari was...how could that be? What else had she seen, to speak so brazenly to me? How did she know every wound to stab, and every scar to prod?

”I’m sorry,” I whimpered, though I didn’t know who I was apologizing to. Aurle, for letting her die, or Sari, for being forced to witness my helplessness.

”Starlight, your heart can’t be Liberated from any curse, but it can be free. Don’t you get it?” she pressed her forehead against mine. For the briefest moment, I heard her voice and smelled her scent as Aurles. ”Please, don’t let the Circle win. You wanted to learn to love, and now you can. You don’t have to be afraid of it anymore. That’s what she’d want to tell you, I think.”

She pulled away and wiped my tears away with her thumb, a smile touching her lips. ”I’m a little young to know what love is, but I want to. I want to find out, and I want you to, too.”

My breath hitched as the dam broke, and I sobbed. I threw my arms around Sari, burying my face in her hair and crying.

”It might be a little late to say this, but I think I have to. You saved me, Xiviyah, just like you promised you would,” she said, the usage of my real name sending a tingle through my soul. ”You don’t have to worry anymore.”

I cried for what felt like hours, letting everything out. All the fear, worry, and helplessness that had tormented me. Sari sat with me through it all, until my sobs reduced to sniffles, dabbing my tears with her sleeve.

”Thank you,” I whispered, my voice hoarse, as I finally pulled away. ”I’m sorry.”

Her ears twitched. ”What for?”

”Everything. For dragging you and Ror into this, for making you carry my burdens and sins. Watching me, seeing that vision...I can only imagine what you must think of me now.” I took a deep breath, looking down at my hands as I fought back another wave of tears.

She took my hands. ”I think that you’ve been through a lot. I’m sorry if what I said hurt you, but...I think it would hurt more if I didn’t. I just want to help.”

”You have, Sari. Your words...I’ve heard them all said before, and even thought them myself, but from you...”

”From me?”

”I think I finally understand,” I said, taking a deep breath. I stood up, brushing the wrinkles from my dress. I smiled, blinking away the last of my tears. ”Would you come with me?”

”Where to?” she asked, rising after me.

”To Luke. There’s something I have to tell him.”