The Forsaken Hero

The sun burst over the distant rim, flooding the caldera with golden light. Luke and I sat longer, watching it rise over the valley and bathe the city in the warmth of morning. The black stone soaked in the warm light. I shifted closer to Luke, my hand resting in the crook of his elbow. His tail brushed against mine, sending tingles prickling down my back.

”Beautiful,” Luke said softly.

The sun reflected in his violet eyes, shimmering. They were so soft and warm. I idly snuggled closer, barely realizing as he took a quick, nervous breath. The black obsidian wasn’t the only thing soaking in warmth.

”The sun never rises in Haven. I hadn’t thought I missed, but...”

I trailed off as his fingers brushed my cheek, turning me to face him.

”I wasn’t talking about the sunrise.”

My pulse quickened. Warmth spread through my chest, a pleasant, unfamiliar sensation. I let the moment linger, savoring the feeling. Then, a flicker of unease.

I pulled away slightly, my hand slipping from his arm. ”D-don’t tease me like that.”

His smile lingered, but nothing was mocking about it. If anything, it felt...genuine.

”Something precious to protect, hmm?” he murmured distantly, his gaze drifting to the horizon.

Luke gave himself a shake and stood, offering me his hand. I gingerly took it, gasping softly as he pulled me swiftly to my feet. The sharp rise of momentum carried me forward, but he moved his hand in a graceful arc, twirling me around and steadying me. I painted as my dress settled around my knees, staring into his eyes, our bodies an inch apart. My heart fluttered with a strange mix of excitement and unease.

He looked away sharply, licking his lips. ”Sorry, I forgot how light you are. It’s difficult to reduce my strength so much.”

Strength. Another reminder of the distance between us. Perhaps I’d lowered my guard too easily. I took an unsteady step back, tail twitching. He held my hand until my fingers slipped out of his grip, then for a moment longer. Even if it wasn’t intentional, a simple lapse of thought, and he’d nearly thrown me across the garden.

”We have an hour or two before we’re expected to attend the signing. Would you care to get something to eat?” he asked.

I nodded hesitantly, and he turned toward the iron-bound door leading into the spire. I half-expected him to take my hand, but when he didn’t, I didn’t know whether to be disappointed or relieved. My hand itched, yearning for the touch of his calloused fingers, yet my heart wavered. Whatever had possessed me to allow him to hold my hand like that in the first place? Being exposed to the heights of the spire must have thrown my sense of self-preservation off. Luke had simply taken advantage of my fear to lull me into a false sense of security.

It made sense, so...why didn’t I believe it?

”You coming?” Luke called.

I jumped slightly, gripping my skirts, ”I, um, I think I should find Elise.”

Fable padded over, and I scrambled on, avoiding Luke’s confused gaze. I ducked my head.

”S-sorry, and, um...thanks. For this morning.”

Fable bounded away, passing Luke and taking me into the spire. I squeezed my eyes shut, burying my head in his fur.

”Wait, Xiviyah!” he called, staring after us, bewildered.

I didn’t know where Elise was, or where Fable was going, but I didn’t care. Everything blurred around me, and before I knew it, Fable was pawing at the door. A few seconds later, it opened.

”Xiviyah?” Elise asked, coming out. ”What are you doing so early...wait, why are you crying?”

I was? I touched my cheek, my fingers coming away wet. Elise grabbed my hand, pulled me from Fable, and wrapped me in a big hug. I stood limp in her arms, sniffling softly against her shoulder.

”What happened?” she asked, stroking my hair.

I shook my head, letting my head loll against her shoulder. ”I was...he was...I didn’t know what to do. So I, um, left.”

”Shhh, it’s alright. Why don’t you come in and tell me about it,” she said,

I nodded and allowed Elise to guide me into her room. R’lissea sat on a cushioned chair at the table. She stood as soon as we entered, rushing over. Her hand rested on my head, and a pulse of life magic washed through me.

”She’s fine,” the elf said, relaxing. ”What happened?”

”Thank goodness.” Elise breathed a sigh of relief. ”I’m not sure. She just showed up sobbing.”

”I wasn’t,” I sniffled.

They exchanged a look.

”Okay, you weren’t sobbing, then,” Elise said, hiding a smile. ”But can you at least tell me what you’re doing here? I heard you were resting and the maids would bring you once it was ready to sign.”

”They’re with the church, but it doesn’t matter,” I mumbled, attempting to dry my eyes with my sleeve.

”The maids are? Where exactly were you?” R’lissea asked, sitting upright.

”In the slave quarters, then the gardens, and now here.”

Elise gaped. ”The slave quarters?”

I nodded. ”I-I didn’t know, but then Luke came, and I...I had a vision, too, and the mountain’s going to break, and–”

R’lissea put her hands on my shoulders. ”Slow down, Xiviyah, take a deep breath.”

She guided me to a seat at the table. After a deep breath, and with sniffles and a few tears, I stumbled through my morning with them.

”Alright, let me get this straight,” Elise said. ”You watched the sunrise with Luke, but when he invited you to breakfast, you just...ran? Why?”

”I don’t know!” I cried, putting my head in my arms on the table.

”It’s alright, don’t get upset,” R’lissea said, patting my back. ”Walk me through what you were thinking.”

”It doesn’t matter,” I said.

”No pouting! Luke did a nice thing, and you abandoned him,” she said sternly.

I stiffened, looking up at her with watery eyes. ”I-I did?”

She sighed, shaking her head. ”Xiviyah, what are we supposed to do with you?”

”I’m sorry,” I mumbled, lowering my eyes. ”It was when he, um, grabbed my hand.”

Elise arched an eyebrow. ”He tried to hold your hand? How bold.”

”So that frightened you?” R’lissea asked.

”Before, I...I didn’t mind, but this time he was, um, it was scary.”

”Before?” R’lissea tilted his head. ”If you were okay holding his hand before, what changed?”

Elise held up a hand. ”Hold up, don’t just skip that part. You and Luke were holding hands?”

Warmth blossomed across my face. ”I-it wasn’t like that! He was just...I don’t know why, but it wasn’t!”

”Ah, yeah, okay. I’m sure he felt that way, too,” she said with a wink.

”Not helping,” R’lissea said, giving her a hard look. ”But Xiviyah, I still don’t get it. You already know Luke is strong.”

I fumbled for the words, trying to explain how vulnerable, how helpless I was to him. It sounded silly saying it out loud–many were physically stronger than me, and only Luke bothered me.

”Why?” I asked, on the edge of tears again. ”What’s so different about him?”

R’lissea rubbed my back lovingly. ”I think you expect strong people to hurt you. And you’re afraid Luke won’t.”

My breath caught, my tail going stiff. ”I-I don’t want him to.”

”Are you sure? If he betrays you, you’ll just nod and say you deserve it. But if he doesn’t? What then? What will you do if he uses that strength to protect you instead?”

”I don’t know!”

”And that’s what you’re afraid of. How many times do we have to talk about this, Xiviyah? The unknown is a scary place, but you’re stronger than this. If you like being around Luke, then be by him. Don’t run from the truth.”

”But I...I feel so...”

”I think you’re looking at this wrong, Xiviyah,” Elise said. ”Maybe those feelings aren’t bad feelings. Maybe you don’t have to hide from them.”

”But what if they are?” I asked. ”It’s so hot and prickly, and I feel like I’m at the top of a cliff, but at the same time, it’s so warm, and I just want him to hug me. But when he does my chest gets all tight, and my heart flutters. And the whole time, my tail doesn’t know what to do, and–”

”Alright, I think we get it,” Elise said, stifling a giggle.

I shot her a look, then glanced at R’lissea, who was hiding a smile of her own. My tail lashed back and forth. What was so funny? This was serious!

R’lissea composed herself. ”Xiviyah,” she said, her voice gentle, ”It seems to me like you had a good time with Luke, and that scared you. But it’s okay to embrace the good things, even if they’re unfamiliar. Don’t you think the peaks are worth it, even with the valleys? Promise me you’ll explore this, even just a little. See where your heart leads you.”

”Okay, okay,” I mumbled, feeling my cheeks warm. ”I’ll try.”

She chuckled and gave my back a final pat. ”Just promise me you won’t run away next time.”

I nodded. ”But I don’t want him to hold my hand.”

Elise grinned. ”Not yet, you mean.”

I glared at her, my tail whipping back and forth in embarrassment.

R’lissea sat down again and pulled out a basket with bread, sliced meat, and cheese. ”You’ve had a long morning,” she said. ”Let’s get some food for you. Then we’ll face those apostles and see if the Empire is actually serious about this surrender.”

As I ate, my gaze drifted to the empty seat beside me. I couldn’t help but imagine Luke sitting there, his violet eyes sparkling as he met my gaze. His hands...were they always as warm as they were this morning? Maybe...maybe it would be okay if he held me again. Just sometimes. Just for a little.