The Forsaken Hero

We found a bench near the edge shelf. He waved his hand and sent a wave of air slashing across the stone, scouring the dust and grime away.

”Soul casting?” I asked, startled.

He shrugged. ”I watched you practice it enough I ought to be able to pick up at least that much. But how was it? I’ll admit I’m a little nervous to let a master like you watch me.”

He grinned at me, and I flushed, slipping my arm out of his and sitting on the bench. The stone was cold against my thighs, the obsidian smooth and glassy. My tail draped over the open back, the tip twitching back and forth like a fern on a windy day.

”It was alright,” I mumbled. ”I...I wish I could show you more, but I...”

”Shhh, it’s alright. I understand,” he said, sitting beside me. He was close, our thighs nearly touching. My breath caught as he took my hand again, holding it in his lap.

Silence enveloped us, mirroring the vastness of the night above. As the minutes passed, hints of gray touched the eastern horizon, chasing the stars as the horizon gradually lightened with the promise of dawn. I tried to relax, focusing on the stars wheeling overhead.

But as my tail started to still, Luke’s grip shifted, his fingers lacing between mine. They were rough and strong, but he held me tenderly. I bit my lip, tail at the point of lashing, trying to focus on anything but the man sitting beside me. The coming dawn, the treaty tomorrow, even the terrifying memory of my vision. None of it worked; I found my gaze drawn to Luke. When our eyes met, I turned with a soft gasp but couldn’t muster the strength to jerk my hand away.

My heart filled with longing, as keen as the nights Elise and R’lissea left me alone in Haven. I didn’t want to look away. I wanted him to hold my gaze, to let me wander in the swirling depths of his violet eyes. Incinderus’s warnings felt distant and meaningless, wariness melting away like snow. Warmth bloomed in its place, and I found myself snuggling closer to Luke, my tail curling, but I couldn’t help it.

Luke jerked as my head leaned against his shoulder, a shudder running through his tail. ”Xiviyah?”

”I’m sorry,” I whispered, blushing crimson. ”Just...for a little while?”

He nodded stiffly, his hand growing slightly clammy. ”Right. I suppose you’re tired. Sorry for dragging you around up here.”

”I don’t mind. It was...nice.”

Despite the cliff, the garden was quiet, the night peaceful. For once, I could take my mind off the pains of the past and worries of the future and just exist in the present.

”What did you see?” Luke asked.

I sighed—so much for peace and quiet.

”There was fire, ash, and....and death. A mountain buried beneath its own weight.”

”Always, you speak in riddles. If you don’t want to say it, just tell me,” he said with a wry chuckle.

”No, I wasn’t–”

”It’s fine, I’m just teasing. I’ve learned, by now, that the future is rarely as clear as I want it.”

”Oh, right,” I mumbled, turning my head into his shoulder, hiding my blush.

Luke stiffened, drawing a sharp breath. His hand clamped around mine, grinding my fingers together.

”W-what is it?” I asked, biting my lip to keep from yelping.

He took a long breath and slowly relaxed his grip. My hand darted away, seeking refuge in my lap.

”Sorry, I just...no, it’s nothing,” he said.

I frowned, gazing at him intently. The skin around his eyes was tight, his tail quivering with pain. Luke had taken an eighth-level spell for me yet hadn’t so much as cried out. What could possibly make him react like that?

A shudder ran down my spine and tail. Slowly, tentatively, I touched his neck, smoothing back the high collar of his tunic. He shivered, chin tilting away from my hand. His body was hot to the touch. My fingers must have felt like ice against his skin.

Gently, I teased the laces of his shirt, revealing the upper portion of his chest. His muscles were like corded steel, tensing reflexively at my touch. Black, twisted scars marred his smooth flesh, radiating from the center of his chest. They were rough and rigid, like roots rising out of the ground. His veins were black around the scars, the flesh tight and knotted.

”Luke, is this...?”

He covered my hand with his, pulling it away. His shirt fell back to cover the dreadful wound.

”It’s fine. One of your horns just scraped against it, is all.”

I bit my lip. ”When I healed your sunpurge, I thought it was, um...I didn’t know it was so bad.”

He sighed, letting out a deep breath.

”To be honest, I can’t even feel it anymore.”

”That’s not true,” I said softly. ”Anyone else might believe that, but...you’re hurting.”

Luke shrugged, adjusting his collar. ”It’s really not a big deal. Sometimes, I think it would be nice if you could have healed the corruption too, but some things just aren’t possible.”

”I want to,” I said.

He raised an eyebrow, and I took his hand, more on instinct than a desire to comfort him.

”But I know how much it means to you,” I continued. ”It’s the last thing that ties you to her, your promise against the gods. That’s why I wouldn’t, even if I could.”

Even though I could, I added silently.

”Thank you, Xiviyah, but I don’t expect you to understand the depths of that promise. This pain...it’s nothing compared to the fire I feel inside.”

”I may be the only one in Enusia who actually can,” I said softly. ”Aurle had such bright, beautiful eyes. Every night for months, Lord Byron brought her to his chambers. And every morning when she returned, her eyes were just a little duller until, one day, the light was gone forever.”

I touched my chest, my skin smooth and unblemished.

”Sometimes, I wish I had something to remember her, too. Something to hurt more than her death.”

We sat together another long while, watching as the darkness slowly faded. Absently, he rubbed his thumb over my knuckle, unaware of how hard it made for me to think of anything else.

As the sun prepared to crest the rim of the caldera, Luke spoke.

”I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to belittle your pain. It’s just...every time this scar burns, it reminds me of what that monster did to her. How she screamed and pleaded while he raped and tortured her. I did nothing, Xiviyah, nothing.”

”There was nothing you could do,” I said.

He touched his chest, refusing to flinch despite the pain it must have caused. His voice lowered to a whisper.

”I can do anything now. But what does it matter? Ultimately, I failed to protect the only thing that mattered to me, and now that it’s gone forever. The only thing I can do is return the favor, to take everything from the ones who hurt her.”

”I killed him,” I admitted. ”The one who hurt Aurle. I destroyed his Circle, freed his slaves, took his kingdom, and, in the end, his life. And it’s still there. The hole hasn’t gone away, no matter how many hugs I try to fill it with.”

”Hugs, huh?”

I blushed. ”Y-yeah.”

The gray in the sky turned red, streaking across the sky.

”Sometimes, I wonder if it’s better that way. Not having a reminder, I mean,” he said, gazing into the distance, eyes unfocused. ”This scar chains me to her, Xiviyah. I had her and no power. Now, I have power, but she’s gone. There’s nothing but anger, darkness, and vengeance left.”

”You’re more than that. You protected me, remember?” I asked.

He shook his head. ”How can I be? I’ve done too much, gone too far, to stop now. But I’m...frightened.”

”You?” I tilted my head. ”You’re not scared of anything.”

He smiled wryly. ”Is that how I seem? It’s true that death holds no meaning for me, nor does pain. But to be honest, I’ve started to wonder something. What if I found something else that mattered?”

”More than your sister? More than vengeance?”

”No, not more, but...agh, it’s hard to explain.” he rubbed his horn. ”It’s like...I wanted to protect her, but she’s gone. It can’t replace her, but what if I found something else to protect? Something that’s not in the past?” His tail twitched with agitation. ”What if I missed it because I was too focused on this?”

He touched his chest again, this time letting slip a grimace.

”Luke...” I hugged his arm, feeling like crying.

Hadn’t I been the same? I was so full of fear, doubt, and darkness that I almost missed all my chances. What if I hadn’t told the Glory Chasers who I was, or if I hadn’t decided to trust R’lissea on the Empire’s border? What if I hadn’t believed Korra when she apologized for abandoning me in the Divine Throne? Just one choice was different, and they would have slipped through my fingers, and I would be alone.

Was that how Luke felt? Helpless and alone, that all his chances have already passed?

”Sorry, I didn’t mean to burden you with my thoughts,” Luke said, regaining some of his bravado. ”Just being around you makes me feel...unguarded, makes my heart ache even more. I think you would have liked her.”

He shook his head, sighing. His lips twitched as if he were trying to smile, but it never came through.

”Maybe I should try hugs, too. It’s not like I can fill it with blood. Trust me, I’ve tried.”

He chuckled, but the sound was hollow and empty. Like the matching holes in our hearts.