Rising Shards

With the scariest hurdle climbed from that first teal pill, I felt like a journey had completed. Like, outside of that pill once a month, it felt like I finished the transition part. And could now focus on the new fangs part. And the getting over Jeans part. There was so much going on for me fighting for attention in my mind that the complete feeling of my transness fell back in priority in my head a bit.

It felt like a bow being wrapped up on a chapter in my life that started earlier whose ending just happened to overlap with a new chapter. It was like I had a pair of old shoes that hurt my feet that I was wearing forever. And then I got a new pair that fit right and immediately made my whole body feel better. The prequel to Zeta Faleur was done and didn’t offer a lot to the Zeta Faleur at present, so I kind of put that time in the back of my mind. She was always there, but it felt like time for the main, real, and true Zeta Faleur to really get started.

But it wasn’t like I hid it at school. I told Oka and Kalei shortly after becoming their roommates. They were the hardest to tell. Their support (well, mostly Oka’s, but Kalei’s nonchalant response was a factor too) helped me be comfortable bringing it up to some of my other friends relatively early on. Laenie said she related to “Having different forms,” which I assumed meant she was trans too until I saw her Exa Cani form and realized that’s what she meant, Aira told me stories of her many trans and gender nonconforming relatives, Lillia responded with her giving me practically a database of transgender info as if she needed to prove to me that she knew it (it was earlier on when she was a lot more intimidating to me), Iris didn’t understand what I’d told her until Maia explained it in a way she could get but then they were both cool with it, and the love trio were supportive in their own way.

* * *

“So, yeah,” I said. “I’m sorry I don’t talk about it much. That part of my life felt complete. The Zeta Faleur prequel already happened, and if I didn’t need to rewatch it, I didn’t need to bring it up much, either.”

“Aw, you feel bad about not…talking about it?” Marmalade asked. “You don’t have to apologize?”

“Hold up, is that why you gathered us all here for this?” Kalei asked. “You talk about being trans plenty.”

“I maybe…got in my head a bit.” I said.

“Did I make you feel like that? I didn’t…mean to.” Marmalade said. “I thought I was being way too rude with asking about the pill thing but I just kind of excitedly blurted that out.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said. “I think I just…needed a reminder of who I am, I guess?”

“I think you got all anxious and stuck in it again,” Kalei said. “Zates tends to do that. We’re just lucky she figured out what she was all flipped about and talked about it, cuz otherwise it’ll be like that time Oka saw her naked and then they both wouldn’t talk about it, so we had to lock her and Oka in a room together to talk it out.”

“Why was that your example?” I asked.

“It was the funniest.” Kalei said.

“Putting that story aside for now, with a note that I maybe need to hear more details of that later…” Marmalade said. “Like, thank you for telling me all that. We only just met and it’s a lot to talk about.”

“Aw.” I said.

“See, it’s all good just like I said,” Oka said, leaning her head on my shoulder. “Now if I may, I’m getting a little…sleepy…”

Oka started snoring as she leaned against my shoulder.

”I’m kinda...I think I’m gonna wait a bit to share my war stories, if that’s cool.” Marmalade said. ”I’m more used to talking about it with my trans friends online, so talking in person is uh. A lot for me when I’m not excitedly blurting things out.”

”That’s totally fine,” I said.

“Yeah, tell us whenever,” Kalei said. ”I am admittedly half-listening and Oka’s zonked out. Lils, you still listening?”

“I am, yes,” Lillia said. “Share whatever you’d like. Or don’t.”

”So she’s half-listening too.” Kalei said.

”Well Marmalade, I guess that’s your welcome party.” I said. ”That sounds super dumb, if you want we can do a real welcome party soon? If you want.”

Marmalade shrugged. ”Don’t like go out of your way for me or anything.”

”Alright,” I said. ”How are you feeling about this as a room?”

”I think,” Marmalade gathered her words for a second before smiling with her eyes closed again. ”I think this’ll work out just fine.”