Omni-Anime: I Stand at the Forefront of Popularity

Chapter 16: Chapter 16: Topsy-Turvy!

”Since you’re all ready, then—”

Kakashi produced the alarm clock he’d prepared and set it for twelve o’clock.

Then he pulled out two bells. ”Today’s exercise: take these bells from me before noon. Whoever fails to get a bell goes without lunch—and gets tied to that post over there to watch me eat.”

Sasuke glanced at the time, then at Hanabi. Eleven-ten. Which means only fifty minutes. First they skip our breakfast, then drag us here at five in the morning to drain our stamina, and now—right when we’re approaching noon—they issue the task to put us under pressure... Hanabi, you already saw all this coming, didn’t you?

Hanabi couldn’t hear Sasuke’s inner monologue, of course. But on the screen beside them, that stunned inner voice had triggered a wave of danmaku—though most viewers were still hung up on Hanabi’s ”popsicle” moment and hadn’t quite shifted topics yet.

Kakashi continued: ”Anyone who fails to get a bell goes back to the Academy. At minimum, one person. Possibly all of you.”

And there’s the verbal manipulation. Sasuke gave a small nod to himself.

Somehow... it all feels like Hanabi predicted it.

Hanabi tilted her head.

She had no idea why Sasuke was suddenly having his villain protagonist moment, but well—good execution, that.

Kakashi noticed, however, that Naruto had been staring at him with a peculiar expression for some time now.

”Is there something you want to say, Naruto?”

”You’re not gonna use traps or something, right? You’ve been putting on an act since the blackboard eraser thing—you’re actually one of those sneaky adults, aren’t you?”

”This guy.” Sasuke covered his face.

”If I said... I genuinely didn’t notice? I was wandering lost at a crossroads in life at the time, so I wasn’t paying attention.” Kakashi scratched his head.

He couldn’t quite explain why, but he was getting the distinct impression that in these three kids’ minds, his image had somehow shifted to... well. Scheming mastermind.

”Tch.” Naruto crossed his arms and looked away. ”Who even says stuff like that?!”

[Char’s golden line lol]

[That was Le Creuse, not Char]

[Hanabi, she’s a woman who could be my mother]

[Holy shit, actual Char spotted]

[12 years old, like... technically possible?]

Naruto genuinely hadn’t understood the reference—but the audience knew exactly how to make things about themselves.

Kakashi clapped his hands. He still didn’t fully grasp the situation, but it seemed best to run the test regardless. ”Alright. Exercise begins.”

The words had barely left his mouth when Sasuke launched himself away—and Hanabi stepped back once, her silhouette dissolving into afterimages before disappearing entirely.

But Naruto stayed put.

”Come on! Let’s settle this fair and square!” Naruto bellowed.

Kakashi looked at him. ”Is something wrong with you?”

”Hmph! Who knows what tricks you’ve got hiding up your sleeve. But as long as it’s a fair fight, you can’t pull any of your underhanded moves, right?” Naruto sounded rather proud of this logic.

”What is my image in your heads, exactly?” The more Kakashi thought about it, the more he felt his reputation had been thoroughly sabotaged.

”Enough talk!” Naruto charged—then, catching some movement from Kakashi’s hand, pulled up short and eyed him. ”See! You were about to do something sneaky!”

”Lesson one for ninja: taijutsu. Allow me to demonstrate.”

While saying this, Kakashi reached into his vest and produced a... small yellow book.

The most celebrated novel in the Leaf Village—Make Out Paradise.

”Huh?” Naruto stared blankly.

”What are you waiting for? Come at me.” Kakashi opened the book and waited.

”So you ARE doing something sneaky!” The sheer absurdity had Naruto looping his response on repeat.

”I just happen to be curious about where the plot goes next. Don’t mind me. Dealing with you three while reading is no problem. As for plotting against you—I’d rather get through another Chapter.”

Having grasped the situation, Kakashi immediately understood his approach: since they thought he was scheming, the thing to do was show them he didn’t need schemes at all.

The goading worked beautifully.

”You—!”

All thoughts of schemes and traps evaporated from Naruto’s head. He charged.

”Take this—spinning kick!” Naruto shouted—which Kakashi blocked one-handed. Then Kakashi vanished, leaving Naruto standing there blinking. ”Huh?!”

”A ninja should never leave their back exposed, idiot.” Kakashi had somehow looped behind him. He wove the Tiger seal. ”Leaf Village Secret Taijutsu: One Thousand Years of Death!”

The technique sent Naruto, butt-first, flying into the river.

But Naruto, the moment he hit the water, deployed Shadow Clone Jutsu. When he clambered back to shore, clones were lurking beneath the surface—and the moment Kakashi approached, they burst out to restrain him from behind.

”A ninja shouldn’t leave their back exposed, eh, Kakashi-sensei?”

Naruto crowed with satisfaction and moved to land a punch—but Kakashi performed Substitution, swapping himself with one of Naruto’s own clones. Naruto, convinced Kakashi had shape-shifted into a copy of him, spent the better part of a minute locked in a confused brawl with his own clone—and by the time the clones dispersed, Kakashi was long gone.

Shortly after, Naruto spotted a bell lying on the ground. He lunged for it—and promptly triggered a trap that sent him swinging upside-down from a tree.

”You said no tricks!”

”Don’t fall for such an obvious trap, idiot. That’s not tricks—that’s basic ninja field tactics.”

”Opening!”

It was then that Sasuke finally caught a gap in Kakashi’s guard. He flung a volley of shuriken.

But Sasuke’s attack hit nothing but a log. Worse, he’d revealed his position—and was forced to flee. Kakashi gave chase.

”Opening!”—except this time, it was Sasuke’s trap.

The corner of Sasuke’s mouth curved upward.

He hurled a shuriken that severed a nearby rope. Dozens of kunai, throwing knives, and shuriken rained toward Kakashi at once.

Kakashi read it coming—but the moment he stalled, that was exactly what Sasuke had been waiting for.

Sasuke had already circled into position. He flew in from behind, twisting left, using the centrifugal force to drive a kick from Kakashi’s flank.

Kakashi caught it with his left palm, then grabbed Sasuke’s ankle with his right.

This too Sasuke had foreseen. He used the grip as a pivot and swung his other arm around.

Kakashi blocked with his left.

Sasuke kept spinning, driving his remaining free foot at Kakashi’s head. Both hands occupied, Kakashi could only raise his elbow—just barely intercepting.

Every attack deflected. And yet a triumphant smile crept onto Sasuke’s face.

Both of Kakashi’s hands were tied up—but Sasuke still had his!

Sasuke reached—but Kakashi shoved him back.

”Quite the—hm?!”

Kakashi started to speak, then noticed that Sasuke, still airborne, had begun forming seals.

When facing a dangerous jōnin—fight dirty.

After Hanabi’s thorough briefing on the subject of ”the villainous Kakashi,” Sasuke had internalized the lesson: against an opponent like this, fighting fair was fighting stupid.

Deceive. Ambush.

”Horse! Tiger! Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!”

The moment his feet touched the ground, Sasuke finished the sequence.

A massive fireball scorched everything in front of him.

”Gone?!” But when the jutsu cleared, Kakashi was simply not there.

”Earth Style: Headhunter Jutsu!”

Sasuke, in turn, found himself yanked underground.

”My, my. No breathing room at all. At your age, you can already use Fire Style. One after another—Hanabi’s gotten both of them stirred up, hasn’t she.”

Sasuke’s relentless rapid assault had pushed Kakashi into dropping all pretense of fair play himself.

Only once he’d pulled Sasuke fully beneath the earth did Kakashi finally have enough breathing room to deliver a casual line.

”Lesson two: ninjutsu.”

With Sasuke dealt with, Kakashi turned his attention to finding Hanabi.

”Over this way, perhaps? There’s a scent—can’t quite place it. Not sharp enough.”

Hanabi had concealed herself well, layering multiple diversions and decoys. But Kakashi could sense movement in the trees.

”Then next would be—!”

He was about to say something when he stopped dead.

A girl stood across from him, her back to him.

”...Rin?”

Then a second figure appeared opposite the girl—a small hand drove straight through her chest.

The child who had pierced her wore the face of a young Kakashi.

A gentle voice appeared at the real Kakashi’s back: ”Lesson three: genjutsu.”

[TOPSY-TURVY 23333]

[Unreal!]

[Is that kid Kakashi?]

[Murder wife to unlock power arc?]

[Face reveal?? I’m in]

[What if husband AND wife joined, little Kakashi, I’m also available]

[???]

[This batch of viewers is genuinely beyond saving]

[This is what Hanabi dug up]

[Holy shit, Kakashi is completely broken 2333]

Kakashi was, indeed, completely broken.

He whipped around—and the ”Hanabi” behind him dissolved into mist and vanished.

”Demonic Illusion: Hell Viewing Technique.” Hanabi smiled, perched high on a tree branch above him, looking down. ”What sort of hellscape did you see, Kakashi-sensei?”

Hell Viewing Technique? When did she cast it? Is this what a genjutsu prodigy looks like? Kakashi finally went serious.

But Kakashi didn’t know—he hadn’t actually been caught in genjutsu at all.

What he’d seen was the result of Hanabi’s Fool’s Thousand Faces Transformation. She’d recreated the scene from more than a decade ago. Both young Kakashi and Nohara Rin had been played by Hanabi.

In other words, this had been a live performance—directed, written, and starred in entirely by Hanabi—with an audience of exactly one: Hatake Kakashi.

He’d tried to dispel it several times. Nothing around him seemed to change. He couldn’t feel the telltale signs of a technique taking hold.

As for the psychological warfare using someone from his past—he couldn’t deny it had worked. Then again, gathering intelligence on an enemy and targeting their vulnerabilities was exactly what a ninja was supposed to do.

An optical illusion? No, that’s not right either... The figure before him now wore the form of Nohara Rin. But Kakashi didn’t believe Hanabi had used an ordinary Transformation Jutsu.

That was precisely why he kept assuming he must be trapped in genjutsu.

”Oh, is that so~?” Hanabi was in no rush to press the attack.

”Aren’t you going to come for me? Time’s almost up—you’ll be the ones sent back to the Academy,” Kakashi said.

”What are you talking about, Kakashi?”

——!!!!

In an instant, Hanabi’s voice shifted entirely.

”...Rin?” For that one moment, Kakashi could almost believe the person standing across from him was Nohara Rin.

And just then, a Mist Village ninja materialized behind ”Rin.”

Danger!

His heart screamed it. But his mind told him the figure was an illusion.

The eye sees only Rin wherever it looks.

”Some kind of specialized Transformation Jutsu? Or a type of genjutsu I’ve never encountered?”

But intelligence on him wasn’t something any ordinary ninja could just pull together. If it were the Hell Viewing Technique—which could peer into the darkness one hid even from oneself—that would make sense. But Hyuga Hanabi was a genius of the Hyuga clan. The elders and clan head had apparently lamented her loss of the Byakugan, convinced she would have been the next heir otherwise. A Byakugan clan member knowing certain hidden things wasn’t out of the question.

His sense of smell was sharp, too—but this area was saturated with an unusual floral fragrance. Someone had used incense to mask any trace scent.

I can’t tell. I genuinely can’t tell. Should I use the Sharingan?

Kakashi felt as though he could no longer distinguish reality from illusion.

And while he hesitated, the Mist ninja’s blade ran through Nohara Rin.

Rin looked at him with dazed, worried eyes—then coughed blood and fell.

The Mist ninja behind her unmasked.

It was his own face staring back at him.

”No choice.” Kakashi stopped pretending.

He lifted his forehead protector, exposing his Sharingan. Lightning began crackling across his body.

His entire presence shifted—as if answering him, the sky above darkened with gathering clouds.

[Kakashi: I can’t tell, I genuinely can’t tell!]

[Kakashi: This isn’t funny, kid]

[This is precision-targeted self-destruction]

[They pushed him too far—Kakashi’s going serious]

[Wait, different eye again. Is there some pattern to the eyes on this ninja road?]

[HOLY SHIT that’s cool]

Even with the Sharingan open, however—the hellish scene before him did not change.

No. It did change.

A middle-aged man stood in the distance, smiling at him with warm, loving eyes.

”!!!!!!!!”

Kakashi’s eyes went wide. His breathing turned ragged.

The man raised a blade.

Not pointed at Kakashi—pointed at himself.

Then he drove it into his own stomach.

Kakashi yanked his forehead protector back down.

”...”

The middle-aged man had become a smiling Nohara Rin once more.

Opening the Sharingan had not made things better.

It had made things worse. What Kakashi had seen was the moment his father, Sakumo Hatake, took his own life—the oldest wound Kakashi carried.

[Holy shit, that’s somehow even more hell?]

[The one who killed himself had the same hair as Kakashi—his dad?]

[He... killed himself?]

[No wonder he’s got psychological scars]

[He pulls out the big move and his trauma upgrades with it, who could survive that]

[Striking the body AND killing the soul]

”Kid—you’re playing with fire.” Kakashi’s head was splitting.

The genjutsu before him wouldn’t break. Opening the Sharingan had only made the hell more vivid.

Unable to see through it, he was starting to wonder if the whole thing was a trap—if Hanabi was actually right in front of him somewhere.

The cleanest way out would be to unleash a wide-range jutsu and AoE the area, then pull back, hide, and watch for the real body and any exploitable weaknesses.

But Kakashi couldn’t do that. He was the examiner. He had to stay accessible for the others to come and attempt to take his bells. Flipping the table would mean he couldn’t bear to lose.

If this were a real enemy, he’d just kill them and be done with it—but everyone here was on his side.

Couldn’t fight. Couldn’t out-talk them. Incredibly irritating.

”Aren’t you going to come for me?”

Kakashi decided not to stoop to the kid’s level. He gave a theatrical yawn, then looked back toward where he sensed Hanabi.

As long as they need the bells, they have to attack eventually.

Just ignore this level of psychological warfare... wait. Stall for time?!

”Damn!”

Too late.

Kakashi suddenly realized: Hanabi was also stalling for time. She needed time—to get Naruto and Sasuke free.

”Fire Style: Fireball Jutsu!”

A burst of flame erupted from behind him.

Kakashi immediately turned and dodged to the side.

”—!”

Fireball Jutsu meant Sasuke—except when Kakashi turned, the person standing there was someone else entirely.

Uchiha Obito.

And Kakashi’s dodge had apparently been anticipated. At that same moment, Hanabi appeared—undisguised, in her own form—and came in low. Both hands planted on the ground, she shot her legs out like scissors and clamped them around Kakashi. He raised his arms to block.

Then, using her hands as a pivot, she wrenched hard—launching Kakashi in a wide arc through the air. He hit the ground.

”Windmill Crash!”

Shiranui-style ninjutsu. Hanabi’s personal assessment was that it was ”flashy nonsense”—but this kind of pure striking art had its uses in lower-level engagements.

Most importantly: it looked good.

[Let go of that Kakashi, come fight me!]

[I want to be clamped too]

[Wifey’s little feet, so small, bet they’re soft, heh heh heh heh]

[That was Sasuke just now, right]

[Is Kakashi getting completely countered??]

[These are all psychological trauma tier, aren’t they]

[Kakashi: my PTSD is acting up]

[Now he’s boxed in from both sides.]

[Little gremlin isn’t scared of getting killed??]

Kakashi hit the side and immediately righted himself.

But Hanabi didn’t give him time. A kunai sliced a nearby rope—triggering a mechanism.

A cascade of leaves rained down from above, physically blocking line of sight.

Within that curtain, Hanabi appeared again. One hand reached for the bells.

Kakashi had no patience for chivalry at this point—he kicked her away and tried to break free of the leaf storm.

The moment he did, another figure came charging from the front. ”Little Kakashi.”

Has to be Naruto. Good.

Both Hanabi and Sasuke had already shown themselves—this last one had to be Naruto.

Except ”Little Kakashi’s” movements had no gaps. Nothing like Naruto’s usual style. This isn’t Naruto—it’s Sasuke!

At the start, Sasuke had disguised himself as ”Obito”—making Kakashi assume that was where Sasuke was. But while the leaves were falling, Sasuke had quietly transformed again. Into ”Little Kakashi.”

”Damn!”

Hatake Kakashi’s eyes sharpened as he watched ”Little Kakashi” close in toward the bells.

No more holding back. Time to get serious.

”——!!!”

And in that instant—”Nohara Rin” appeared from nowhere, stepping directly into ”Little Kakashi’s” path. She intercepted the arm reaching for Kakashi. ”Little Kakashi” ran her through—and warm blood splashed across Kakashi’s face.

Kakashi froze.

Hanabi hadn’t been transformed a moment ago. He’d let his guard down. And then she’d suddenly shifted back into Rin and hit him with something enormous.

In that window, a second ”Obito” came in from the side.

Undeniably, this chaotic-and-transparent figure was Uzumaki Naruto.

But this ”Uchiha Obito” looked different from the pristine version before—this one had only one eye.

Because Uchiha Obito’s other eye was sitting in Kakashi’s own socket.

In that single instant, ”Obito” grabbed both bells.

rustle rustle...

The last leaves drifted down.

The forest returned to itself.

Hanabi’s ”live performance” was over.

”We did it!”

Naruto stood there, one hand holding two bells, the other holding a mask.

Beside him, Sasuke was catching his breath, a mask gripped in his own hand.

And Hanabi sat smiling on a nearby rock—half her face hidden behind a fox mask—as her small feet in white stockings swung and dangled idly in the air.