My Alleged Husband

Chapter 2269: Chapter 2102: Surging

I am willing to lose myself in the vastness of the world, but I am unwilling to let myself experience all the pain.

”In fact, what you’re doing is really meaningless. Even if you do this, my heart won’t love you like it used to. The love I had for you disappeared the day you gave up on me, it was abandoned by you. So why are you telling me now that you regret it? Do you really think that forcing me to stay by your side will make you happy? Do you think I would be happy staying by your side? If in your heart you still have a trace of love for me, then I hope you can consider it for my sake, and don’t forcibly keep me by your side. It would be a kind of pain for me. I feel there’s no love being with you anymore, and a marriage without love cannot be happy. You know it, by forcibly keeping me by your side, not only will you not be happy, but we will both be covered in wounds.”

”I don’t care about these things. Even if I forcibly keep you by my side, we will never be able to live happily like before. But for me, as long as you’re by my side, I’m already satisfied. I’m not so greedy as to want you to love me like before. I just want to keep you by my side, making sure you never leave me for the rest of your life.”

Xia Jing didn’t expect Zhang Zhentian to still be as selfish as before, willing to keep her by his side even if it meant they would both end up covered in wounds. But what use is there in a marriage like this? Can there still be any mention of happiness in such a marriage? If there’s no happiness, why stay together? Wouldn’t it only leave both of them scarred?

”You really don’t need to do this, by doing this you’ll harm both me and yourself. You can find someone to accompany you for the rest of your life, and they would be happy. Your family wouldn’t be sad because you’re single, and I can go find the life I want to live, without being entangled by you every day. Don’t you understand? If you take this step, it would be a great benefit to everyone. Can’t you sacrifice a little for the people you care about?” Xia Jing truly didn’t understand what her so-called husband was thinking. Why is he always so stubborn? Doesn’t he know that doing this would hurt everyone?

Zhang Zhentian no longer had any thoughts of listening to every word his wife said to him; he only wanted to keep his wife by his side. For him, this was the greatest advantage. He had no other extravagant hopes in his life; his only hope was for his wife to always stay with him, never leaving him for life. But is it so difficult for their family to do this? He did so many things over and over again, so why do these people need to forgive him for every mistake he ever made?

”Actually, there’s no need for you to say these things to me now, because I won’t believe a single word you say. You’ve lied to me many times, and this time may be no different. I only hope I can keep you by my side. Does this make you feel troubled, or does it make you feel relieved? Is it wrong for me to do this? Is it selfish to just want the person I love to be with me forever? I know I was really selfish before. I never trusted my love nor dared to believe anyone truly loved me. But gradually, I realized, if I don’t change, the person I love will only drift further away from me. Now I’ve proven it, as I couldn’t change my timid and selfish nature, you left me, and you’ll never want to be by my side for the rest of your life. Perhaps for me, this is a punishment. You think I’ve become more selfish, but have you ever thought about why I ended up where I am today? Wasn’t it just so I could be with you? I just want to be with the people I care about. Does that make you feel so difficult and dissatisfied, that you wanted to escape each time, unwilling to stay with me? What did I do wrong for you to treat me this way? I admit I made too many unforgivable mistakes in the past, and I’ve already taken responsibility for those mistakes. For so many years, I haven’t lived a day in peace; every day has been spent in regret and remorse. This kind of life is tangled and painful for me. Because of my wrongdoings, I will never be able to forgive myself for the rest of my life. I know you are struggling and in pain in your heart, so aren’t we all people in pain? Isn’t it more fitting that we live together and understand each other’s pain? We’ve missed too much; I don’t want to miss every day with you in the future, because missing every day with you would make my life worse than death.”

”Actually, saying these words to me now only makes me feel disgusted. You once said exactly the same thing, but in the end, didn’t you still ruthlessly abandon me? Did you ever think back then that you would have a day of regret? If you had known, would you have been so heartless to abandon me? The mistakes from the past, I will never forget that with you, I had such a lovely child. It’s the happiest thing in my heart, nobody can understand how happy I am as a mother, that’s my greatest pride in life. He is so outstanding, and it’s right for him to hate his heartless mother who abandoned him for so many years. I can’t forgive myself, nor can I remember all the mistakes I’ve let go of, because each time I review the mistakes I’ve made, it strikes terror into my heart. The mistakes I’ve committed are beyond my explanation. I know for the rest of my life, I can never live with my son again. I’ve hurt them, harmed so many people, so how can I live with them, how can they forgive me again and again?”

Zhang Zhentian didn’t expect his wife to feel such guilt. He didn’t know how to comfort her, only realizing in that moment how useless he truly was, unable to bring happiness even to his own wife.

Is it still me that you love? Or was it the person I was at the beginning?