My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1935: Chapter 1730: Always

If separation is a form of hurt, I still hope to see you smile brightly.

Actually, deep down, Zhang Zhentian knows very well that no matter how good his relationship with his wife is, his wife will never love him. He can never give her the happiness she desires, so why forcefully keep her by his side? This will only make her unhappy. Is this really the outcome he wants to see? Actually, this is not what he wants.

”Being with me, can’t I give you any happiness at all? Can’t you compromise a little and try living with me? It’s not easy for anyone to be together. Even though I’ve been through a lot during the time with you, and experienced much pain, my heart has never wavered in truly loving you. Can’t you really feel it?

I believe you are not a heartless person. If that’s the case, why do you need to pretend to be so unforgiving? Is it really that difficult to try loving me and accepting me?

Maybe one day you’ll realize that we are indeed suitable for each other. Why not try to let go of the past and choose to live a happy life with me? Perhaps such a life is what both of us want in the future, wouldn’t a relationship where everyone is happy and content be wonderful? Why do we have to push each other into the abyss of pain time and time again? Would you truly be happy seeing your lover suffer?”

Xia Jing doesn’t fail to understand this logic, but once certain things happen, he has no way to revert to the past. Everyone has their own path to follow, but his chosen path has determined what kind of life he will have in the future. The choice he made, again and again, has left him with no way to turn back, and each decision has dictated what route he will take in life; attempt after attempt has determined what kind of life he will lead and how it will end in loss.

”Zhentian, it’s not that I truly have no feelings for you, but there are certain things I really don’t know how to explain to you. The pain brought upon by each choice of mine... you have seen it yourself. Why must you force me to make even bigger decisions?

Isn’t it better to live our respective lives peacefully? Must we each force one another down painful roads?

Maybe you can find life where others find despair, but as for me, after making so many mistakes, it has only brought me this much pain in my decisions. I truly don’t want to endure such pain again, and the result each person will ultimately bring is really weak; I don’t want to live in such pain. I cannot bear to endure more pain like before, do you understand?

Perhaps no matter how much I say, in your eyes it will only seem like a joke, because you fundamentally don’t understand how truly despairing this feeling is. I have repeatedly turned my life into such hardship; do you know how desperate my heart feels? This isn’t the life I want; I only want stability, but in the end, I achieve nothing.”

Zhang Zhentian was left speechless. He does not understand what his wife’s words truly mean. Can he really not give her any happiness?

If that’s the case, why did she choose to be with him in the first place, causing him to give her his whole heart, only to receive such a response in the end? Isn’t this just making him so sad and hurt? Over and over, the words have left him in this state. What is the purpose of his life altogether?

He only desires that the woman he loves the most can accompany him forever, but why is it so simple for others and so difficult for him? In his wife’s heart, she will never love him. She loves another man, but as for him, he has been wholeheartedly in love with her for so many years, has sacrificed so much for her, but ultimately all he gets is her cold treatment, not even the slightest true affection or touch.

At this moment, he suddenly feels like he has lived such a failed life. Other men have their wives’ wholehearted love without giving anything, so why can’t he, who has given so much, even get back a little dignity and respect?

”I just want to know if you can give me the happiness I desire; why can’t you try to love me? Even just a little bit? All these years, you have been avoiding me in every possible way. Does avoiding me truly make you happy? You may think so, but for me, it’s a form of hurt. I just want to stay by your side, but why won’t you ever consider things from my perspective?

Some things you feel indifferent about, but for a man, they aren’t indifferent matters. Have you considered the feelings of your family in everything you do? What would your son think if he knew about these things? Have you ever considered what kind of person your son would think his mother is? Why must you make such selfish decisions that affect others? The happiness I desire, only you can give, and you can’t expect to leave my side in this lifetime. After all, being mine means you can’t be with anyone else.”

”Perhaps I can give you the happiness you want, but I know the happiness I desire is something you can’t give. Do you know what happiness I want? I just want to be with the one I love most every day, smiling without worries. Even if there are occasional quarrels and pains, that’s fine with me. Being happily with you, I live with so much confidence every day. Although you can give me everything I want, it truly isn’t what my heart desires.”

Perhaps only after walking through this era alone, you will understand how deep my love for you truly is.