My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1934: Chapter 1729: Brilliant

I have never admitted that you’ve walked away from my heart; I only wish I had never stepped inside yours.

”How many times do I have to tell you before you finally understand what I truly feel? I never wanted to genuinely give up on you. The words about divorce that I said back then were all out of anger. Haven’t you been with me long enough to know which of my words are true and which are not?

Every word I said was true, except when it came to divorce. I was upset with you at that moment, and it was out of helplessness that I said it. Can you please consider my feelings too?

Please don’t be so willful all the time. And think, how painful it is for our son when we act this way? I know maybe now, in your heart, you feel you no longer love me. I also realize that I’ve become undeserving of your love; I’m just a bad guy who has failed his duties as a husband, as a father, and even as a son. Although I realize all this now, whatever I say seems futile, I hope you can give me another chance to live joyfully together, to share our joyful moments and let our son know the feeling of having both parents lovingly by his side. Isn’t that better than keeping things so tense?

Do we have to ruin everything between us? We argue endlessly, but have you considered our son’s feelings; won’t he feel distressed? I understand you care most about our son now, not about my life or death. So, shouldn’t we think it through for the sake of our son? Let him know we love him and as parents, we’ve never given up on him, always placing him foremost in our hearts—isn’t that the better choice?”

Xia Jing knows every word Zhang Zhentian said makes sense, but she doesn’t want to give in, feeling that if she does, she will no longer fit the role of a woman. She has already sacrificed so much for the man before her, yet it has only resulted in heartbreak. Why does she repeatedly let others hurt her? She isn’t meant to be someone discarded so casually. Hence, she decides to become a strong woman who doesn’t need any man by her side anymore. She chooses to live for herself, unlike before when she lived selfishly. Previously, she thought leaving her son was her greatest happiness, but now she realizes the joy of having him nearby is familial bliss. However, time has passed, things can’t go back, she has lost her son entirely, and now her husband is gone too. All she can do is watch her son and his spouse live happily together, which provides her the greatest comfort as a mother. What she seeks most now is a way to detach herself from the endless entanglement with the man before her and no longer wants to see him, as his presence only flashes back to the scene of her abandonment.

”I don’t want to tell you anything. I just want you to know we’re completely finished; there’s no going back. Stop pestering me relentlessly. Your presence irritates me, you know? Because every time you appear, I’m reminded of when you abandoned me. Each time you appear, I see that moment in my mind. Do you even understand how it feels having that scene replay repeatedly? You’ve never experienced it, and you haven’t been thrown away by anyone, yet you discarded me and our son. Sometimes I don’t know whether to thank you or resent you, because of you I learned what love is, but also because of you, when I decide to go back, I find everything has changed beyond recognition...”

”Since you want to go back, then come back to me! Why do you always try to stand firm and not look back? Wouldn’t it be nice to turn back and live together? Why must we continue this endless entanglement? You know, I can never fully let go of you. I’ve searched for you over and over. During these years abroad, I found ways every day to look at how you were living from afar. Do you know? Sometimes when I see you so sad, it hurts as if a knife is piercing my heart. Sometimes seeing you happy makes me feel sweet and joyous. I’ve missed your sweet smile for too long, and for me, seeing your smile daily is enough, as it allows me to forget all pain. It’s now that I realize I’ve thrown away the woman meant to smile by my side, the greatest happiness of my life. There’s no greater regret than this, and we both know, even after all these years apart, we haven’t truly let go of each other because our pride and dignity hold us back. I’ve swallowed my pride repeatedly; can’t you let go of yours to be with me?”

”If it were before, I would have sacrificed everything for you, giving up everything without regret. But now, I won’t do that anymore, because you aren’t worth it. Do you understand? I gave up my role as a mercenary for you, left behind comrades who fought alongside me for years, abandoned my beloved son, and surrendered the freedom I desired, all for you. Eventually, all this led me to realize it was my mistake to selfishly follow your plans, catering only to your desires without considering mine. Yet, I stood by your side resembling a fool, giving you whatever you asked for, without ever contemplating what I truly wanted...”

Breaking this beautiful regret, my heart sinks into the deep sea; I only blame myself for holding too many expectations.