Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman

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Remarks like ”I told you so” were best avoided when you weren’t close enough to someone. Speaking too freely in a shallow relationship was a classic social mistake.

Henry merely opened the utility toolbox mounted on the duck armor’s rear and took out the specialized tools needed to disassemble the duck-type Duck-Leopard Armor into five sections.

The duck head was secured with clasps and internal locking tabs, so it could be removed without tools. The shoulder locks allowed both arms to be detached directly. The waist lock separated the lower body from the upper torso.

Before long, the duck-type armor had been field-stripped into five components: head, torso, two arms, and lower body.

Only then did Alexei realize that the duck’s fluffy and adorable exterior was merely camouflage. Underneath, it was anything but ordinary.

Stunned, he said,

”You’re clearly capable of building terrifying monsters like that metal war-cat. So why does this duck have such a ridiculous appearance?”

”That’s a leopard, not a cat. Do all of you Russians see bears as oversized dogs?”

”Don’t you? They’re basically the same thing. Just a little bigger. Pretty gentle, too.”

Henry suddenly felt the conversation had reached a dead end.

How could anyone associate bears with gentle?

Deciding to steer things back on topic, he answered:

”Because the original purpose of this armor was disguise. All the extra functions were just bonuses.”

Just a few extra functions, really.

Flight, hovering, hyper-acceleration launch systems, railguns, multi-vector missiles, high-energy lasers that could also be used for welding or cutting, infrared detection, acoustic mapping, air-to-ground and air-to-air active radar, active sonar for underwater operations, EMP attacks, wireless electronic intrusion…

And so on.

A few extras.

Oh, and one more thing he almost forgot.

The most important feature: self-destruct.

Naturally, it came equipped with a self-destruction system. The explosive yield might have been a little excessive, but that was only because Henry wanted to make absolutely sure nobody could reverse-engineer the technology afterward. Definitely not because he deliberately increased the charge size.

There was no need to explain all that to the former Red Guardian.

Henry doubted Alexei possessed the patience to listen through it all. Even if handed an instruction manual, he’d probably fall asleep before finishing the table of contents.

Since they weren’t in a laboratory and lacked specialized support equipment, further disassembly wasn’t possible.

Pointing at the lower-body section still standing upright on the ground, Henry said:

”For the lower half, just step into it from above like you’re putting on a pair of pants. Remember to press your feet down firmly.

”There should be plenty of room inside. Once you’re suited up, the damping system will tighten around your body and secure you in place.”

As for the damping technology later considered black magic in Tony Stark’s Iron Man suits, Henry had no idea how Stark’s version worked.

The Duck-Leopard Armor’s damping system combined magnetic repulsion with something similar to hydraulic shock absorbers. At its core was a special gravity-ion viscous fluid derived from Kree technology, capable of creating a force field that ignored the acceleration and deceleration forces associated with interstellar jumps.

The only problem was that, in its original Kree design, the technology was meant for starships and integrated into gravity-generation systems as a secondary function.

Miniaturizing it for powered armor had cost Henry countless brain cells and significantly reduced its effectiveness.

That was also why the armor imposed minimum physical requirements on its wearer. Unlike a starship capable of interstellar travel, where even children and elderly passengers could ride comfortably, the armor couldn’t completely negate inertial stress.

The torso section consisted of two halves.

The chest and back plates closed together and were secured using bolts, locking tabs, and clasps.

The arm pieces were worn much like gloves.

Like the leg sections, they contained generous internal space before the damping systems tightened around the wearer.

The armor’s arms were longer than the operator’s actual limbs, so finger movement relied on indirect motion simulators that reproduced the wearer’s finger actions at a one-to-one ratio.

The helmet was the simplest part.

Just put it on.

Once aligned correctly, the connection points automatically locked into the torso.

Because the armor was fully enclosed, Alexei found himself surrounded by complete darkness after donning the duck-type armor.

Almost all sensory input from the outside world vanished.

The sudden retinal scan startled him.

Before his reflexes could even make him blink, the scan had already finished and the armor began its startup sequence.

The internal space contracted.

Flexible support fixtures tightened around his body, locking him firmly in place.

Then the external environment appeared on the helmet display.

The projected image provided roughly 270 degrees of vision.

The perspective scaling was perfect, making it feel as though he were looking directly at the outside world with his own eyes.

The sensory systems activated simultaneously.

Audio collection came online.

External air circulation began.

Life-support systems adjusted accordingly.

A line of text appeared clearly in one corner of his vision:

”Welcome, guest. Remote-control mode active. Please relax and allow the mechanical prosthetic assistance systems to guide your movements.”

”Mechanical prosthetics?” Alexei blurted out. ”Are you kidding me?”

Already seated atop the leopard armor, Henry replied with something even he didn’t believe:

”Yep. A revolutionary mobility-assistance device for the disabled. Helps them move around just like ordinary people.”

Inside the helmet, Alexei rolled his eyes and made an exaggerated look of disdain.

Only afterward did he realize the expression wasn’t wasted.

Thanks to the creator’s questionable sense of humor, the duck armor’s eyes and facial expressions faithfully mirrored the wearer’s own.

Henry had been about to comment on it, but thought better of it.

Instead he simply said:

”Alexei, let’s go. Destination arrival in three minutes.”

The duck-type armor lifted Alexei’s arms horizontally to either side and began floating into the air.

Although thruster nozzles were located beneath the arms, the heat generated was redirected elsewhere, preventing the wearer’s limbs from being roasted alive.

”Hyper-Acceleration Launch System preheating. Destination: Sokovia. Countdown: 180… 179…”

”Current velocity: 60 km/s… 61 km/s…”

Below the text, a partial world map appeared.

It displayed only the region encompassing their starting point in Siberia and their destination in Sokovia.

An arrow pointed straight from one to the other.

After adjusting its heading, the duck armor accelerated toward the target.

The leopard armor followed behind.

Henry rode Katie directly without any additional protection.

The duck armor’s flight profile resembled that of a conventional aircraft, accelerating smoothly rather than employing the leopard armor’s sudden bursts of speed.

The acceleration remained absurdly high, but with the full-body damping system protecting him, Alexei adapted far better than before.

Watching the countdown, he couldn’t help saying:

”So the entire three minutes you mentioned is spent preheating?

”Seriously?

”With acceleration this weak—slower than before—you really expect to reach our destination today?”

”Clench your teeth, Super Soldier,” Henry replied.

”And try not to bite off your tongue.”

”What do you mea—”

Alexei never finished the sentence.

The countdown reached zero.

A colossal and utterly overwhelming force struck without warning.

His brain didn’t even have time to shut itself down for self-preservation.

They had already arrived.

Alexei stood frozen in shock, eyes wide and expression rigid as the Duck-Leopard Armor touched down.

Henry jumped off first and announced cheerfully:

”Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your destination: Sokovia.

”The local time is 5:31 p.m. The temperature is eighteen degrees Celsius with clear skies.

”Please remember to take all personal belongings with you before disembarking.”

”Bleurgh—!”

...

”Don’t tell me you threw up inside the helmet.”

”Yep.”

Alexei groaned.

”You get to clean it.”