Lord of Perverted Ladies

The rain continued until morning.

Adrian knew because he woke up twice during the night, listened to it tapping against the window, and briefly considered getting up to check whether Lena had closed the balcony door.

Both times, he decided against it.

The first time, he was comfortable.

The second time, he was even more comfortable.

By morning, he had developed a strong philosophical position on the importance of remaining in bed.

Unfortunately, Lena disagreed with his philosophy.

”Adrian.”

He pulled the blanket over his head.

”Adrian, get up.”

”I’m dead.”

”Then the dead can make breakfast.”

”That’s not how death works.”

”How would you know?”

He opened one eye.

Lena stood beside the bed, already dressed, holding his phone.

That was concerning.

”What happened?”

”Nothing.”

”Then why are you holding my phone?”

”Because it keeps vibrating.”

He sat up.

”Who is it?”

”Mara.”

Adrian took the phone.

There were six missed calls and three messages.

The first read:

Can we talk?

The second:

It’s about the woman I told you about.

The third had arrived only a few minutes earlier.

I think I made another mistake.

Adrian stared at the screen.

Lena folded her arms.

”Your new business is doing well.”

”I’m beginning to regret it.”

”You could always stop answering.”

He looked at her.

She raised an eyebrow.

”That was a joke.”

”Your jokes are becoming increasingly dangerous.”

”Get dressed.”

She handed him the phone and left the room.

Adrian sat on the edge of the bed, reading Mara’s messages again.

He had a feeling the morning was about to become considerably less ordinary.

He was right.

Unfortunately.

---

Mara was waiting at a café near the river.

When Adrian arrived, she was sitting beside the window with an untouched cup of tea in front of her. She looked tired, although not in the way someone looked after a sleepless night.

It was the sort of tiredness that came from spending too much time arguing with yourself.

Adrian sat opposite her.

”What happened?”

Mara pushed a folded piece of paper across the table.

He opened it.

It was a handwritten note.

I heard about your apology. Thank you for acknowledging what happened.

I don’t want to rebuild our friendship. I need you to respect that.

But there’s something I want you to know.

He contacted me yesterday.

Adrian looked up.

”Her former partner?”

Mara nodded.

”He wanted me to tell her that he’d changed. He said he was going to counseling and that he’d finally understood what he’d done.”

”Did you speak to him?”

”Yes.”

”Why?”

”Because I thought I should hear him out.”

She stopped.

Then corrected herself.

”Because I wanted to believe that he had changed.”

Adrian waited.

”He told me he was sorry. He said he understood why she left. He said he wasn’t asking me to convince her to return. He only wanted me to pass along a message.”

”And you did?”

”No.”

Mara looked down at her hands.

”I told him that if she wanted to hear from him, she could contact him herself. I wouldn’t carry messages between them.”

Adrian nodded.

”That sounds reasonable.”

”Then he asked me whether I thought she would ever forgive him.”

”What did you say?”

”I told him I didn’t know.”

For the first time since Adrian had arrived, Mara seemed uncertain about whether she had done something wrong.

”He got angry,” she continued. ”He said I’d become just like her. That I’d decided he was a terrible person and refused to acknowledge that he was trying to change.”

”Do you think he’s changed?”

”I don’t know him well enough to say.”

”Then you gave him an honest answer.”

Mara sighed.

”But what if he really has changed? What if he’s trying to become a better person, and everyone keeps treating him like the person he used to be?”

Adrian considered the question.

It was a fair one.

People could change. They could recognize their mistakes, seek help, and learn to behave differently. It would be cruel to insist that a person must remain forever identical to the worst thing they had done.

But the opposite was also true.

Someone’s attempt to change didn’t automatically create an obligation for the person they had hurt.

”Then he has to keep changing,” Adrian said.

Mara looked at him.

”Even if she never forgives him?”

”Even then.”

”That seems unfair.”

”It might be.”

Adrian folded the note and placed it on the table.

”But if he only wants to change because he expects her to forgive him, then what happens if she doesn’t?”

Mara didn’t answer.

”He has to decide whether becoming better matters even when he doesn’t get the outcome he wants,” Adrian continued. ”Otherwise, he’s not really accepting responsibility. He’s making a deal.”

Mara stared out the window.

Outside, a cyclist rode through a puddle and splashed water across the pavement.

For a few seconds, neither spoke.

Then Mara asked, ”Do you think people deserve second chances?”

”Yes.”

”Everyone?”

”Everyone can have the chance to change.”

She turned toward him.

”That’s not the same as saying everyone deserves to be welcomed back.”

”No,” Adrian agreed. ”It isn’t.”

He thought about Noah and his coworker. About the people who had left his life and the people who had returned. About the many times he had confused allowing someone to choose with promising them a particular result.

”People can change,” he said. ”But the people they hurt still get to decide whether they want them around.”

Mara nodded slowly.

”I think that’s what I keep forgetting.”

”What?”

”That giving someone another chance doesn’t mean giving them access to the person they hurt.”

Adrian smiled faintly.

”That’s a good way to put it.”

She looked almost relieved.

Then her expression changed.

”There’s something else.”

Of course there was.

Adrian took a sip of his coffee.

”Go on.”

”The woman I told you about. She sent me another message this morning.”

”What did she say?”

”She asked whether I would be willing to meet her.”

Adrian set down his cup.

”Do you want to?”

”Yes.”

”Then meet her.”

”What if she wants to talk about everything that happened?”

”Listen.”

”What if she’s still angry?”

”Listen.”

”What if she tells me she never wants to see me again?”

Adrian regarded her for a moment.

”Then listen.”

Mara gave him an irritated look.

”You have one answer for everything.”

”No. I have one answer for this particular situation.”

”And if she asks me to explain myself?”

”Then explain yourself honestly. Don’t use your explanation to argue with her experience.”

She went quiet.

Adrian continued.

”You can tell her why you did something without insisting that your reasons make it acceptable. You can explain what you were thinking without demanding that she agree with you.”

Mara picked up her cup.

”I should have learned this years ago.”

”Maybe.”

She looked at him.

”You’re not going to tell me it’s never too late?”

”I think sometimes it is.”

That answer surprised her.

Adrian glanced toward the window.

”Sometimes people leave before we learn what we needed to learn. Sometimes the opportunity to repair something disappears. We don’t get to pretend otherwise.”

He turned back to her.

”But that doesn’t mean learning afterward is pointless.”

Mara held his gaze for several seconds.

Then she nodded.

”I’ll meet her.”

”Good.”

”And I won’t ask her to forgive me.”

”Good.”

”And I won’t tell her how much I’ve suffered because of what happened.”

”Excellent.”

She smiled.

”You’re enjoying this.”

”A little.”

For the first time that morning, Mara laughed.

It wasn’t a particularly happy sound, but it was real.

They finished their drinks and parted ways outside the café.

As Mara walked toward the river, Adrian watched her for a moment.

She had no guarantee that the meeting would go well. The woman might remain angry. She might decide that whatever trust had existed between them was gone for good.

Mara couldn’t control that.

She could only decide what sort of person she wanted to be when she arrived.

Adrian understood the lesson.

He was still learning to live by it.

---

When he returned home, Lena was sitting at the dining table with a notebook.

She looked up.

”How was your morning?”

”Complicated.”

”Of course.”

He took off his jacket and sat opposite her.

”Mara’s meeting someone she hurt.”

”Will it go well?”

”I don’t know.”

Lena nodded.

”Good.”

Adrian stared at her.

”Why does everyone keep saying that?”

”Because not knowing is an honest place to start.”

He leaned back in his chair.

”I thought I was supposed to be the one learning things.”

”You are.”

”Then why does everyone else seem to be ahead of me?”

Lena smiled.

”Because you’re the one who keeps turning every conversation into a philosophical crisis.”

He opened his mouth.

Closed it.

Then sighed.

”That’s annoyingly accurate.”

”I know.”

She returned to her notebook.

Adrian watched her write for a while before asking what she was doing.

”Making a list.”

”Of?”

”Things we need to buy.”

He looked at the page.

Rice. Eggs. Vegetables. Soap. Cleaning supplies.

Normal things.

”What happens if we forget something?”

”We buy it later.”

”What if we forget something important?”

”Then we’ll deal with it.”

He smiled.

There it was again.

The simplest answer in the world.

Not everything needed to be anticipated. Not every mistake needed to become a lesson. Not every forgotten item required an investigation into the nature of human fallibility.

Sometimes you ran out of soap.

Sometimes you bought more.

That was the entire story.

He leaned forward and picked up the notebook.

”You’re missing coffee.”

Lena took it from him.

”We have coffee.”

”Not the good kind.”

”Your standards are becoming expensive.”

”My standards have always been expensive.”

”Your standards are the reason we have three different kinds of tea and none of them are the kind I like.”

Adrian looked offended.

”You said you liked those.”

”I was being polite.”

He stared at her.

”You lied to me?”

”I made a socially convenient statement.”

”That’s a very suspicious way to describe lying.”

She laughed.

He laughed too.

And for a few minutes, that was all they did.

---

That evening, Mara sent him a message.

We met.

Adrian sat up straighter.

How did it go?

The reply took several minutes.

She was angry.

He waited.

She told me that she had spent months questioning whether she was overreacting because of things I said. She said she kept wondering whether leaving had been selfish.

Another message followed.

I apologized. I didn’t explain myself. I didn’t ask her to forgive me.

Adrian read the messages slowly.

Then:

She said she wasn’t ready to forgive me.

He waited for the next message.

It didn’t arrive.

Finally, he typed:

I’m sorry. That must have been difficult.

Mara replied almost immediately.

It was.

Then:

But she said she was glad I listened.

Adrian smiled.

A few seconds later, she sent one more message.

I think that’s all I can ask for right now.

He put the phone down.

Not because the story had ended.

Because, for the moment, there was nothing else he needed to do.

Lena appeared in the doorway, carrying two cups of tea.

”Good news?”

”Not exactly.”

She handed him a cup and sat beside him.

”Then what is it?”

Adrian considered the question.

”A difficult conversation that didn’t make everything worse.”

Lena nodded.

”That sounds like good news to me.”

He smiled.

”Perhaps.”

They sat together, drinking tea while the evening light faded beyond the window.

After a while, Lena rested her head against his shoulder.

Adrian looked at the city.

He thought about Mara. About the woman who had chosen to leave. About a man who might be trying to change, whether or not he ever received the forgiveness he wanted.

He thought about Noah, who had done what he believed was right and still lost a friendship.

He thought about all the people he had met who were trying to live with the consequences of choices they couldn’t undo.

For a long time, he had imagined that the purpose of understanding was to reach a point where everything finally made sense.

Now he wondered whether understanding was simply learning to see people more clearly.

Not as heroes or villains.

Not as lessons or answers.

Not as mistakes waiting to be corrected.

Just people.

People who could hurt one another and still change.

People who could regret something without being defined by it forever.

People who could forgive, refuse to forgive, leave, return, and choose differently tomorrow.

Adrian took Lena’s hand.

”Do you think people ever finish becoming who they are?” he asked.

She considered it.

”Probably not.”

”That sounds exhausting.”

”It is.”

She smiled against his shoulder.

”But it also means they aren’t stuck.”

Adrian looked at her.

Outside, a bus stopped at the intersection. Its doors opened, and several passengers stepped onto the pavement. Others climbed aboard.

Then it continued down the road.

Nobody announced that the journey had reached its final destination.

Nobody needed to.

The bus was simply going somewhere.

And for the first time in a long while, Adrian felt no urge to ask where.

He had somewhere to be tonight.

He had someone beside him.

And tomorrow, when it arrived, he would meet it then.