Limitless Evolution As a Snake

[System:...righto, so... Funny story.]

I hate funny stories.

[System: Human tree’s gone, mate.]

I hang in the air above the city, testing the strange new weight of my own body. Below me, the lights are just circuit patterns. Power thrums under my scales.

[System: Gone, ah yeah, wiped, and, oh, right. Right. The ledger I remember the ledger now. Your human tree got cooked, replaced by Aberrant Apex Beast. Brand new tree, mate. This is the only one you’ve got.]

Hell yeah. Sounds like they finally gave me the right job title.

[System: Nah. You’re not a snake in human cosplay anymore. You’re the apex, alpha bull shit and just this tree, nothing else. Congrats?]

The fuck does that mean anyway?

[System: Duno, Cunt.]

I let that sink in behind my ribs. Should be feeling panic, grief, anything. Instead, I just feel the wind on my scales and the urge to barrel roll.

[System: Also some good news, I guess. You’ve got four skills now instead of three. New slot unlocked, because you’re a growing boy.]

Yes, thank you, old mate. I’m a big growing boy; I’m glad you noticed! But wait, a new skill slot? So 4 base skills now?.

[System: Oh, yeah right. I got an idea for your harpy problem. I’ll give you this one for free. Skill: Blow-Up Doppelgänger, you summon a life-sized doll that mimics your target down to their clothes, their walk, speech, well, everything. Smash it, stab it, light it up; it mirrors the real deal. Oh, and it only works once.]

I watch my smoky arms dissolve back into my scales. Sounds... perfect, free, you said?

[System: Later though, we’re going hunting; there’s no real free in this world.]

I hover there a bit longer, letting the idea roll around in my head like a marble in a bowl. Cool skill and all, but I’ve got a better idea for it.

[System: Oh yeah? Go on then, I’m all ears, mate.]

Forget fighting. That’s amateur hour. Picture this: opening day. The casino is packed, cameras are live, Dad’s doing his best ’legitimate businessman’ cosplay. While Channel is on that stage, soaking up the spotlight, I’m up here with her little doll. And then I hit it with my Snake-Eyes Gamble.

[System: ...how do you mean.]

The coin flip, mate. Heads, she gets absolutely railed by an invisible god-tier snake dick and loves every second of it. Tails... same thing, just angrier. I can’t lose. It’s not revenge; it’s giving the people—and her—exactly what they want. She gets to be the centre of attention. I get to be... thorough.

[System: Mate.]

What.

[System: That’s fucked amazing. I’m actually proud of you.]

Told you.

[System: Wait, wait, hang on, run that back. In front of the whole casino? Opening day crowd? The actual real Channel gonna be getting invisible railed in front of everyone?]

That’s the plan, yeah.

[System: And it’s going out live? Streamed? To everyone? Your uncles, your dad, randoms on their phones, the lot?]

That’s the plan, yeah.

[System: Oh Jesus Christ, honestly I was worried that you wouldn’t be fun anymore when you weren’t going to be human, but I love the way you think now.]

I roll my body, smoke curling off my scales into the morning air, feeling pretty damn good about myself. She thinks she’s got the bag; she thinks she’s going to run the casino and join my harem.

[System: She’s gonna walk in thinking she’s got you around her fingers, but you’re gonna turn her into a headline.]

That’s the beauty of it. She doesn’t know I know; Dad doesn’t know. Uncles definitely don’t know, the two absolute pricks. As far as everyone’s concerned, I’m just some horny mafia prince casino owner having a normal opening night.

[System: A normal opening night where you fuck a magic clone of the woman trying to kill you, and the real version of her is getting railed by an invisible force in front of God and everybody.]

When you say it like that, it does sound insane.

[System: It IS insane, that’s why I love it.]

I drift back toward the balcony rail, tail curling lazily behind me as I run the beautiful, fucked-up logistics. The timing has to be perfect. The positioning, immaculate. Can’t have some hero cop trying to shut down the main event before the grand finale.

No, security needs to let this play out. The whole point is the performance. Dragging her offstage before she gets her standing ovation would just be rude.

[System: Copy that, I’m in. I’ll flag it. Priority one: let the woman have her moment.]

Damn right.

For the first time since finding out my whole evolution tree got deleted and replaced with some Aberrant Apex Beast nonsense, I actually feel good. Like properly good. Like a snake with a plan.

[System: You know if this goes sideways it’s gonna go SIDEWAYS sideways though, right? Like, public-scandal, international-headline sideways.]

Every good plan’s got risk, Old Mate. That’s what makes it fun.

[System: ...yeah alright, fair enough. Reckon I’ll grab popcorn.]

I let my coils drape over the rail, shifting my weight just a little too far back. Gravity takes over, pulling me in a slow, lazy arc off the edge and into open air. For half a second, my old human instincts scream—the stomach-drop that means you’re going to die and then my body remembers what it is now and just... stops caring.

I don’t fall, I swim. The air hits my scales like something alive, sliding over every ridge and edge of me, cool and full and everywhere at once. Not wind exactly, more like water without the wet, pushing against my sides while I cut through it. My smoke trails behind me in long ribbons, unravelling off my tail like I’m smoking a cigarette with my whole body.

It feels unreal good. Better than good. Better than the first time I ever got laid, and that’s saying something. I hope old mate never tells Lyra that, though.