Limitless Evolution As a Snake

And I guess somehow Dad’s DNA was in it? Love it when my own memories and the actual DNA results disagree with each other, and nobody in the room seems bothered by that except me.

Anyway, Dad’s already moving on, throwing his arms wide like he’s about to hug the whole room at once.

”My boy, my pal, my rotten soldier! Look at you, all snake and 100% ME and dangerous and whatever the hell that tail thing is now.” He claps me on the upper coils hard enough that I nearly spill my drink. Which, rude. It also feels like getting hit by a small car. I just coil tighter and try to look menacingly appreciative.

”You know what this calls for. Hana, get the good wine out, none of that Twawi garbage.”

Hana’s already moving before he finishes, of course. She sets a glass down next to me without a word, her wolf ears twitching, tail doing a little wag she definitely doesn’t mean to do.

I take a sip. It’s actually decent, which surprises me, because everything else about this family screams we launder money through kebab stalls and the casino.

Cherry’s just vibing next to me, horn stumps twitching happily, sipping something pink and looking around like she just won a raffle she didn’t know she entered. She keeps glancing at me every few seconds like she needs to check I’m still real. It’s cute; I’m not gonna say that out loud though, she’ll combust.

Then Channel decides now’s the time to make her move.

She struts up to my dad all smiles, hair perfect, wings tucked neat behind her like she didn’t spend the whole car ride here sharpening knives in her head. ”Oh my gosh, hi! I’m Channel, I’m like, literally so honoured to meet you, Mister ?? Ah, didn’t get your name? Your son is such a total catch, I just!”

Dad doesn’t even let her finish. ”Oh hey, you got a new pet, dog? Love it. You can keep her out back with the others.”

The room doesn’t even stop moving. Cherry actually giggles into her drink.

Channel’s smile stays frozen in place, but something behind her eyes goes very, very still, like a switch got flipped somewhere deep in the harpy software. She doesn’t say anything. She just turns, all fizzy and bouncy again, and drifts over toward the snack table as if nothing happened.

Old Mate’s already losing it in my skull.

[System: MATE, MATE. SHE’S GOT SOMETHING UNDER THE SLEEVE. TWO SOMETHINGS, I’M NOT JOKING, LOOK!]

I don’t look. Why would I? A few months ago, a harpy with steak knives would’ve had me slithering for the nearest drainpipe. Now? It’s just dinner theatre.

Channel drifts past Cherry’s back, all casual hips and humming, and then, yep, there it is. Two thin blades flash from her sleeves, already swinging for Cherry’s throat.

Cherry doesn’t even turn. One of her little bat wings flicks back, lazy as swatting a fly. The dagger goes spinning into a potted plant with a soft thunk.

Channel keeps walking like she just dropped a napkin, humming a little louder. Ten points for commitment, I guess.

I uncoil from my smoke tail and slither over, mostly because Old Mate is having a full nervous breakdown in my head and I figure I should at least look concerned for the optics.

”You good?” I ask her, glancing at the plant, then at Channel’s retreating back.

Cherry beams up at me, colour-shift eyes doing that happy swirl thing. ”I’m okay! I think the dog just dropped her bone.”

What have I gotten myself into?

I settle back onto my tail smoke, drink in my smoke hand, and just let the afternoon happen. Channel swoops by twice more in the next twenty minutes, once from the ceiling vents, once disguised badly as a waiter, and both times Cherry deflects without so much as glancing up from her conversation with Hana about casino prep.

Old Mate is somewhere between screaming and sobbing.

[System: MATE SHE’S GONNA TIRE HERSELF OUT ISN’T SHE. SHE’S JUST GONNA KEEP DOING THIS ALL BLOODY DAY.]

Yeah, probably. I take another sip of the good wine and watch the show.

Oh wait, hang on. Old Mate.

[System: what]

What skill did Cherry get, back when I refilled her? Before the whole snake glow-up.

[System: ...]

You there?

[System: mate honestly no idea]

How do you forget that?

[System: dunno, mate, a LOT was going on, you were busy turning into an incense candle with fangs, cut me some slack]

Fine. Whatever, please just look it up.

[System: yeah alright hang on... oh. OH. Right, yeah, that.]

Well?

[System: You bonded with her before you evolved, remember. So she got locked into whatever your kit was at the time.]

Yeah, I remember, so what’d she get.

[System: Oh, HAHAHA [Glock-Jaw Tooth Shot] fires a hardened armour-piercing scale-bullet straight from the gullet at Mach 2. Built-in recoil damping so the head doesn’t pop clean off.]

...she’s got a gun in her mouth.

[System: she’s got a gun in her mouth, yeah.]

Where’s the ammo coming from, though, she doesn’t have scales.

[System: that’s the fun part, mate. Ammo’s yours. Doesn’t matter how far apart you two are, she pulls the trigger with your tongue, one of your scales just rips itself off and teleports into her gob, ready to fire.]

So every time she shoots something, I lose a scale.

[System: yep]

From wherever I am.

[System: yep]

That’s either the hottest thing I’ve ever heard or deeply, deeply concerning. Also, what if she shoots my dick off when she’s giving me head?

[System: Bloody Oath, I didn’t think of that, uhh, give me 50 IP right now and I’ll make sure she can’t activate it while she’s horny.]

50? That’s robbery.

[System: I need it.]

For what?

[System: I’ll tell ya later; now cough over the fifty ip or you’re down one cock.]

Jesus, okay here take 50.