Limitless Evolution As a Snake

Little hitching breaths fall out of her one after another.

”You’re humming,” she whispers, voice all wrecked and small. ”You only hum when you’re being bad.”

”I’m being very good,” I say, and pick up the pace to prove it.

She doesn’t have anything left to fight me with. Her whole body just gives in, sinking back against my coils, her head lolling onto my midsection. That’s it. Mine.

I wrap a thick coil under her back to keep her steady in the water, and just keep working my tail into her, slow, deep drags that make her toes curl against the porcelain of the tub.

”Feels good?” I ask, even though I already know the answer from the way she’s clenching around me.

”Mm,” is all she gets out, eyes fluttering, voice gone soft and slurred like she’s already halfway to sleep and halfway to falling apart. ”Feels- Matt...”

”Just cleaning,” I remind her, real gentle, nudging her hair back with my snout while my tail keeps moving inside her, hitting every spot I already learned by heart tonight.

She doesn’t even try to argue anymore. She just breathes, ragged and shallow, her whole body twitching every time I curl deeper, little broken sounds slipping out that aren’t quite words, aren’t quite moans, just her.

I feel her go tight around me, one last shudder rolling through her, and she comes with barely any noise at all. Just a long, shaky exhale, her fingers digging into my scales.

Yeah, hold on to me.

She’s so far gone, so trusting, letting me do whatever I want. And I want everything.

The water’s gone lukewarm around us, ripples settling flat.

Then her breathing evens out slowly, and I realise she’s out cold, cheek smushed against my coils, hair floating a little in the water. I ease off right after, gentle now, just finishing the job proper.

She’s boneless after that, melting against me when I lift her out, wrapping her in the towel. She presses her lips to the side of my hood, right where it flares out from my upper coils, slow and sleepy, like she’s saying thank you without the words.

By the time I’ve got her dry, she’s already gone, breathing even, completely out. I carry her to bed, nudge the blanket up over her shoulder with my head, and just look at her for a second.

Peace lasts about four seconds before Old Mate crashes through my skull like he’s kicking down a door.

[System: DID YOU MISS ME I MISSED YOU, oooo you used the clone skill, how’d that go aye aye aye aye hahaha.]

Old Mate screams, loud enough that I swear my fangs vibrate.

Wouldn’t you like to know.

[System: The problem is Matt, I do, I really do.]

It went great.

[System: GOOD. Anyways, you legend, I owe you blood heaps.]

Yeah, probably some exp?

[System: Some, I owe you so much, bloody hell, so you killed three elephant gangsters. Proud of you mate. That’s 1k each kill so 3k total, meaning you smashed right past the 1k you needed for evolving.]

Yes, finally! Something more? I’m ready to become a goddamn raid boss.

[System: Well, that’s not all, you also refilled Cherry over there. Congrats by the way; she’s all tuckered out.]

Thanks, I guess.

[System: Anytime. That’s 2k, 1k bonus for the act itself and another 1k for the first refill. After this, refills only get you 500 exp a pop.]

Wow, so we’re over cap already?

[System:Yep. Plus that insane move you pulled with Channel? Chugging that coffee and just eating the attack like a champ, that’s a solid 100 IP right there, good shit.]

I let out a soft hiss of amusement, careful not to jostle Cherry. I figured I was in safe hands, and it turns out I was. Though if Channel hadn’t healed me with that device beforehand, yeah, might’ve been a problem.

[System: Alrighty then, so that’s 20k exp done and dusted, puts you at 4,000 out of the 30,000 you need for your next evolution. You ready to see your options?]

Yeah, hit me.

The air in front of me shimmers, and a panel blinks into view in my eyes.

[System: Right, so, three options here mate, and lemme just say, the manual’s a bit glitchy on this one so bear with me.]

When is it not glitchy?

[System: Like, one of these might just be a bad translation from koala to human, don’t stress about it too much.]

That’s not reassuring.

[System: Never said I was reassuring cunt, I said I was honest. Anyway, first one up.]

[Rank D] Yamata no Orochi (Noodle-Roll Edition)

A picture blinks up next to the text, and I actually recoil a bit. Eight heads, fanned out at the top like some ancient temple guardian thing, fangs everywhere, real nightmare fuel. Genuinely looks like something you’d see carved into a shrine door right before it eats a village.

Then my eyes drift down.

Below the heads there’s just... a roll. One big fat coil of body, no arms, no legs, no tail even, just a lump. Like somebody photoshopped a hydra onto a rolled-up yoga mat.

Okay, hang on. No legs, no arms, nothing at all? Not even a foot? Little nub?

[System: Nuh, zero limb nodes on this path, you’re pure trunk, mate.]

So how am I supposed to move?

[System: Roll.]

Roll?

[System: Like a bloody bowling ball. That’s the whole gimmick. Eight heads up top looking like the final boss of a horror movie, and the rest of you looking like a fat sausage.]

Eight heads. Eight bite angles. I could bite eight things at once. The sheer disrespect of rolling into a fight like a sentient, eight-headed log is so profoundly stupid that it’s looping back around to brilliant makes me kind of want it.

[System: Sure, sure, real efficient. Except every time you wanna go bite someone, you gotta build up momentum first. Picture it. Big scary eight-headed beast, absolutely terrifying, and then it just... slowly tips over and rolls at you like a log down a hill.]