Limitless Evolution As a Snake

I freeze up under the blanket, tail tightening around Cherry without meaning to.

”Excuse me.”

[System: You’ve already looped Cherry in on Lyra; she knows. Well, Lyra doesn’t know but she seems like the type that’d be cool with it. Everyone’s cool with it.]

Old mate. It is way too early for this conversation.

[System: Never too early for some good old wife logistics, mate. Important stuff, gotta plan before someone finds out the hard way.]

I look down at Cherry, curled against my scales, breathing slow and easy, totally unbothered that her whole world’s about to get a hell of a lot more complicated.

Please tell me you’re joking.

[System: Mate, I’ve never been more serious, well, except that one time with the meat pie. But that’s a story for another day.]

I close my eyes, praying to whatever god handles cursed harem systems that this problem waits until later in the day.

[System: Anyway, here’s 2K XP for taking the succubus’s virginity, plus 1K for Out-Of-Character maneuvers. Bonus round, Matt, big congrats.]

Out of character?

[System: Look at you, you look like you’ve been run over by wombats. Twice. Then reversed for good measure.]

Rude, but fair. My body aches in places I didn’t know could ache.

”Thanks, I guess,” I mutter, tugging Cherry closer.

”I’m actually proud she’s terrifyingly strong.”

A predatory glee enters Old Mate’s voice, the sound of a drunk uncle about to push the big red button.

[System: Ah, about that. She’s gonna be stronger now, sure. Just snagged one of your skills while she was at it.]

Oh, right. Shit. I forgot how bonding works. What’d she get? I ask, bracing myself. Please tell me gently.

[System: Ah, you soft cock. You want gentle? Here it comes, complete with a tinny snare beat I’m playing just for you: Blood Venom! Your favourite! Congratulations, mate, she’s basically you now, just shorter, cuter, and hotter. Honestly better in all aspects.]

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, any way to pick what they get?” I ask, already dreading the answer.

[System: Nah, mate. Not until you hit Rank SS.]

Damn, when’s that?

[System: At the rate you’re going at? fucking ages cunt.]

I stare down at Cherry, peacefully asleep against my scales, totally oblivious that she now packs the same venom that turned half my early kills into modern art. Great, love that for everyone within biting distance.

[System: Relax, drongo. It’s not like she’s gonna go biting randoms. Probably.]

That last word hangs in the air, a verbal grenade with the pin pulled. I hate the word ’probably’ so much right now.

Alright, forget probably, let’s talk numbers. How much XP do I have left before I level up, and what am I actually picking from this time?

[System: Ah, knew you’d get there eventually. Hang on, pulling up the panel.]

A soft chime goes off in my skull, and a little window blinks into view, hanging there in the dark behind my eyelids like some kind of cursed phone notification.

Name: Matthew Vane (Matt)

Current Form: [Cupid’s Ballistic Succubus Cobra]

Rank: D

Indulgence Points (IP): 113

EXP: 16,000 / 20,000xp

Family tree: 1 father, mafia boss.

Harem: Lyra, Cherry

My focus snags on two new lines. Hang on. Since when do I have a ’family tree’ stat? And a ’harem’ stat? That’s new. I’d remember something like that.

[System: Yeah we gotta keep track of them now mate. Admin stuff, it’s boring but necessary.]

Keep track of what exactly?

[System: Your ladies. Lyra, Cherry, and whoever else you rope in down the line. Speaking of, heads up, they probably won’t be hovering around you as much anymore. Not like they have been.]

I sit up a little straighter, which makes Cherry stir against my scales without waking. My mind races. Huh? What? Why wouldn’t they hover? I mean, sure, that’s probably for the best logistically, but still... why?

[System: Ehh. You’ll find out later.]

Old mate, I swear to god.

[System: Manuals covered in meat pie sauce, mate, can’t read half of it. Anyway. Skills. You want them, or you wanna keep interrogating me about wife scheduling?]

Fine. Just give me the skills.

[System: Righto. Three options, D-Rank tier, all fresh off the press. Take your pick.]

Specter Scales (Invisibility)(Rank D)

IP Cost: 81 IP

Description: Actively refracts light around your outer scale layer, rendering your entire form completely invisible to the naked eye for up to 3 minutes. Disengages the moment you make direct physical contact or strike an enemy.

Note: Great for ambushes, escaping bad situations, or creeping around like a weirdo. Just remember, mate: invisible scales don’t hide the smell of grilled kebabs or snake sweat.

So what, I just get to be invisible but still smell like a walking kebab shop? Kind of defeats the purpose, don’t you think?

[System: Mate, you say that like it’s a bad thing. Half the fun of sneaking around is knowing something’s coming and not being able to see it; it builds character.]

I don’t need character, I need to not get eaten by whatever’s living down here. If I go invisible and some enforcer with a hammer smells a kebab shop on me, I’m gone.

[System: Yeah nah, fair point, but you’re thinking about this wrong. Invisibility ain’t for hiding from noses; it’s for hiding from eyes, a whole different sense, different problem. You go invisible, something’s still gonna smell you coming if it’s got the gear for it, but it won’t know where to swing; it’s all about confusion and chaos. You become a ghost with a scent trail and no shape to hit.]

So it’s basically just for running away then, or setting up a sneak attack before everything goes insane?

[System: Bingo. Ambush, escape, creeping around empty tunnels feeling like a spy. Three minutes ain’t long, but it’s enough to get behind someone, get away from someone, or just have a squiz at something dangerous without it knowing you’re there.]

And it breaks the second I touch anything?