Immortal Paladin

Fifteen minutes later, I was still completely sober. Xin Yune, on the other hand, was hammered.

Her cheeks were flushed a deep crimson, her eyes hazy with drunken amusement. She swayed slightly in her seat, grinning at me like I was some grand joke the heavens had played on her. Every time she laughed—somewhere between a chuckle and an undignified snort—it was followed by her slapping the table hard enough to shake the plates.

“You…” She pointed at me, her finger wobbling in the air. “You cheat!”

I raised an eyebrow. “I cheat?”

Xin Yune nodded vigorously, her hair slightly disheveled from her movements. “Yes, yes! Thou art… most unfair! Most wicked!” she declared in an archaic tone, the kind of formal speech used in old scriptures.

I leaned forward. “You’re speaking in archaic.”

She blinked at me, squinting as if she were only now realizing it herself. Then she waved a hand dismissively. “’Tis but the truth! I am drunken, yet thou remaineth clear of mind! ’Tis most vexing!”

I exhaled. “You’re a Divine Physician. You have the cultivation to resist alcohol. So how exactly did you end up like this?”

Xin Yune grinned triumphantly, as if waiting for me to ask. “Aha! ’Tis mine own craft! A method devised by none other than myself!” She thumped her chest proudly, then winced.

I frowned. “You created a technique… to get yourself drunk?”

“Verily!” she announced, then proceeded to explain. Apparently, she had devised a method that involved striking a dozen key meridians in sequence, temporarily weakening her body’s natural resistance to alcohol. In short, she deliberately sabotaged her own cultivation for the sake of getting drunk faster.

I stared at her. “That’s either genius or the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Xin Yune only smirked. “It worketh.”

That much was obvious.

I leaned back, considering. “Can you do it to me?”

She tilted her head, lips curling into a smirk. “Dost thou trust me so?”

I hesitated for only a moment before nodding. She had gained my trust, whether I admitted it openly or not.

Xin Yune clapped her hands together. “Splendid! Then, brace thyself!”

Without further warning, she struck at my meridians. Or rather, she tried.

The moment her fingers made contact, a sharp crack rang out.

Xin Yune let out a small yelp, retracting her hand as she cradled her fingers. Her mouth formed a perfect ”O” as she stared at her injury. Then, rather than expressing pain, she just… started laughing.

“Aha—haha—!” She doubled over, shaking with mirth, still holding her broken fingers.

I sighed. “You broke your hand.”

Xin Yune, still giggling, wiggled her injured fingers as golden light wrapped around them. Within moments, the bones set back into place. She flexed her hand and then, as if nothing had happened, turned back to me with that same drunken grin.

“Very well,” she said, clearing her throat, “since my methods hath failed, thou must do it thyself.”

And just like that, my lesson in self-sabotaging meridian began.

Impressively, it was easy to learn. It didn’t even take me five minutes to get it down.

In fact, I managed to improve it. Instead of having to strike my meridians each time, I modified the technique so I could lower my alcohol tolerance with a mere thought. A convenient trick, if utterly useless for combat. But hey! At least now, I could get drunk.

Of course, this was only possible because of my absurdly high stats and my Will Reinforcement cultivation.

At the Martial Tempering stage, a cultivator would reach the peak of mortal physical ability at the bare minimum, raising all physical stats significantly. Then, at Mind Enlightenment, a cultivator would achieve breakthroughs in their mental faculties, allowing synergy with Martial Tempering and further raising all stats across the board. The exact distribution varied depending on one’s cultivation method, but the principle remained the same.

In my case, at Will Reinforcement, a cultivator could use their sheer willpower to influence their body, thus allowing me this feat…

I ran a quick internal check. My meridians were adjusted. My alcohol resistance was suppressed. I should get drunk now, right?

I looked at Xin Yune, who was still grinning lazily at me, her face flushed, her eyes unfocused but gleaming with mischief.

“It should work, right?” I asked.

She nodded, speaking in that archaic tone again. “Verily, ’tis bound to work. No doubt, thou shalt be swaying anon.”

I exhaled, grabbing my cup. She grabbed hers.

We clinked them together.

And then, we drank.

Thirty minutes later, two drunks were fooling around outside the next brothel.

That was me and Xin Yune.

Superpowered drunks? That sounded like trouble, potential disaster, even. And yet, for some reason, we were having just enough of a good time without being destructive. A miracle in itself.

Xin Yune, by suppressing her cultivation, allowed herself to truly enjoy the moment without worrying about self-restraint. I, on the other hand, was too paranoid to suppress my stats completely. Instead, I relied on my willpower, making my subconscious prioritize not being harmful.

It worked.

The Will Reinforcement realm was truly miraculous. Most cultivators controlled their power consciously, but at this stage, I could manifest my willpower as an instinctive directive. It meant I could finally let loose—really let loose—without the constant fear of crushing something or someone by accident. And that, I had to admit, was a godsend.

So there we were, shoulder to shoulder, swaying slightly, singing a lewd shanty at the top of our lungs while we drank from our tankards.

The brothel was alive with celebration. Courtesans and paramours laughed, danced, and drank alongside us. It wasn’t the kind of lewd revelry one might expect. It felt more like a wild tavern party, filled with laughter and camaraderie rather than debauchery.

Somewhere between the third and fourth round, Xin Yune had the brilliant idea of buying out the entire brothel for the night.

Somehow, I still couldn’t remember how I got pulled into that plan.

”Pour the wine, don’t spill a drop,

Oops—too late, now close up shop!

A slap, a chase, a broken chair,

Guess I won’t be welcome there!”

”Raise your cups, don’t lose your head,

Who’s that sleeping in my bed?!

A wink, a grin, a big mistake,

Run before we both wake!”

The shanty echoed through the night, a rowdy, off-tune mess of slurred voices and wild laughter. We stumbled through the brothel, making a mess of just about everything—knocking over chairs, spilling drinks, and nearly toppling a decorative vase that some poor soul managed to catch at the last second.

Last time I had this much fun? Probably when I graduated from college.

And just like back then, the night didn’t stop there.

From the brothel, we wandered into the next inn, then the next tavern, drinking and singing all the way. At some point, we joined a tavern brawl, not by fighting, but by healing everyone involved so the fight could go on longer. The brawl only ended when everyone was too exhausted to throw another punch.

The last thing I remembered clearly was laughing, singing, and stumbling through the streets with Xin Yune.

Then, somewhere in the chaos of the brawl, the drinks, and the questionable life choices… my hand landed somewhere it definitely shouldn’t have.

Xin Yune’s rear.

And she kicked me. Hard.

To be absolutely clear, it was an accident. I swear on my life, cross my heart, hope to die. But try telling that to a drunk Divine Physician with very quick reflexes.

One moment, I was standing. The next, I was somehow airborne.

After that, everything was a blur.

I woke up feeling… relatively sober. My head didn’t hurt, but my body was heavy with exhaustion.

I yawned. Memories of the night flickered through my mind like broken puzzle pieces: singing, fighting, drinking, and laughter.

Then I turned to my left.

There, sharing the soft bed with me, was Xin Yune. Naked.

I looked down.

I was naked too.

I exhaled slowly.

“…Ah,” I muttered.

I got honeypotted in the end.

Funny thing, I saw it coming and didn’t put up any resistance.

Xin Yune’s kick, I mean.

The moment my drunken hand landed where it shouldn’t, I knew exactly what was about to happen. But instead of dodging, blocking, or even defending myself, I just accepted my fate. Maybe it was the drinks. Maybe it was the fact that it had been far too long since I’d been this intimate with someone, accidental or not.

Either way, I took the hit. And now, here I was.

The room was a complete disaster.

Cups, bottles, and plates were scattered across the floor. The table had somehow lost a leg, and a curtain had been half-torn down. Our clothes had ended up in completely opposite corners of the room—how that happened, I had no idea. It looked less like two people had shared a night together and more like a small battle had taken place.

I sat up, rubbing my temple just as Xin Yune stirred beside me.

She yawned, stretching her arms above her head before blinking lazily at me. I stared at her. She stared back.

Then, she smiled.

“Don’t make anything big out of it,” she said casually. “Just saying that in advance.”

“Sure,” I replied.

She sat up, brushing her messy hair back before glancing around the room. “Thanks for having fun with me last night.”

My lips twitched. Something about that phrasing made me pause.

Slowly, I stood up, beckoning my Lofty Jade Proposition robe from the floor with Willpower, wrapping it around myself with practiced ease. It used quite a bit of mana, but convenient. My Wandering Adjudicator armor followed from the Item Box, securing itself under the cosmetic item. As I adjusted my sleeves, a thought struck me, one that made my expression darken.

“…Was this the Emperor’s plan?” I muttered.

Xin Yune 4tilted her head, still blinking sleepily. “Hm?”

I turned to her fully. “Using my affair with you as justification to string me along? That I…” I exhaled. “That I slept with his lover?”

For a moment, Xin Yune just stared at me.

Then, she burst out laughing.

Not a small chuckle, not a polite giggle—full-on wheezing laughter.

“Oh… oh my heavens…” She wiped at her eyes. “You’re so paranoid it’s almost funny.”

I frowned, watching her struggle to breathe through her own amusement.

She gasped between laughs, shaking her head. “What’s next? In your moment of vulnerability, you were taken advantage of by a woman’s touch?” She grinned at me, eyes gleaming with mischief. “And I am that woman? I am so flattered!”

I stared at her.

It wasn’t cruel. It wasn’t mocking.

It was just… genuine teasing.

Either she was really heartless, or she really didn’t think this was a big deal.

Xin Yune finally caught her breath, wiping away a nonexistent tear. “Oh, please,” she sighed. “I’m not the Emperor’s lover.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Wife?”

“Not that either.”

I studied her carefully. If she had been lying, I would have scoffed.

But my Divine Sense told me otherwise.

”I’m his mother,” Xin Yune said.

I choked on my own saliva.

Coughing, I sat back down, staring at her in absolute disbelief. ”What?”

Mother of whom? The Emperor’s?

She laughed again, clearly enjoying my reaction. ”What, is it so hard to believe?”

I narrowed my eyes. ”I don’t see any resemblance.”

That just made her laugh harder.

”You really do wear your heart on your sleeve,” she said, wiping at her eyes. ”It’s endearing.”

I frowned, still trying to wrap my head around her claim. ”We have a high enough cultivation to suppress any extraneous reaction,” she continued, ”but you? You don’t even try.” She smiled at me, a little softer this time. ”That’s what I like about you, Da Wei. You reciprocate sincerity with sincerity.”

I pressed my lips together.

She wasn’t wrong.

For all my paranoia, for all the tricks and deception I had dealt here in the Imperial Capital, I had yet to find any cracks in her sincerity. And that, more than anything, was what unsettled me.

Still, I argued, ”I can do a poker face.”

”Yes, you do,” she admitted with a smirk. ”And yet, you still remind me of my late husband.”

I paused, staring at her. ”...The late Emperor?”

She shook her head.

I blinked. ”How many husbands did you have?”

”Only one,” she said simply. ”A commoner.”

That meant the late Emperor’s bloodline flowed through her, the mother. Not the father. It was an interesting development I didn’t expect to see in an Empire, further giving more color to the Emperor’s rise to power.

“My father isn’t exactly keen on my… let’s say rebellion, it sounds fitting, doesn’t it?” added Xin Yune. “It was fun, while it lasted. Hopefully, you aren’t disgusted with this widow…”

“You are a fine woman,” I answered. “For example, you have a big personality.”

“Funny,” Xin Yune stood up, stretching her arms above her head, completely unbothered by her own nudity. Her skin was pristine, untouched by any marks of age or imperfection. With a wave of her hand, her robes flew into place, wrapping around her as if dressing was merely a thought, not an action. “Always with the jokes…”

She turned to me, her eyes gleaming with mischief.

”Want some more?” she asked, her tone flirtatious.

I placed a hand on my hip, giving her a flat stare.

She smirked. ”Your loss.” Then, with a softer expression, she added, ”But thanks nonetheless. You might just be my first and last one-night stand.”

I frowned slightly.

There was something in her voice, something just beneath the carefree exterior. It wasn’t mere fickleness or reckless indulgence. There was a weight to it, a hint of finality.

I studied her for a moment before asking, just to be sure, ”Are you dying?”

She met my gaze without hesitation.

”Yes.”

I exhaled. ”...How?”

Xin Yune smiled, as if it were the simplest thing in the world. ”I’m at the end of my lifespan.” She turned away, summoning a mirror from her storage ring and fixing her hair with practiced ease. ”Today’s my last day.”

I watched as she adjusted her robes, making herself look presentable with a deliberate elegance.

”So…” I said slowly, ”your suggestion of me hitting the Emperor is enforceable, then?”

Xin Yune chuckled.

”Can you just hit him for me?” she asked, tilting her head at me through the mirror’s reflection. ”I don’t know, use a slipper?”

I huffed, shaking my head. ”That’s ridiculous. I’d rather you hit him yourself…”

She laughed, the sound light and genuine. ”Such a jester you are.” Then, after a pause, she sighed. ”My son is… complicated.”

”Complicated” was an understatement.

This was next-level.

A honeypot? Nope. This was something more. Something worse.

For the first time, I realized just how weak I was when faced with sincerity, especially the kind that came from good intentions.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. ”You know,” I muttered, ”I am being manipulated. And so are you.”

Xin Yune glanced at me from the mirror, carefully pinning her hair up with a delicate jade ornament. She dusted a light layer of powder over her face, blending it effortlessly before inspecting herself with a critical eye.

To her, this really was complicated.

She didn’t respond to my complaint, maybe because she didn’t disagree.

I sighed again, heavier this time. ”Damn it.”

Xin Yune finished her little beautification routine, tilting her head slightly before nodding in satisfaction. She flicked her hand, and the mirror vanished back into her Storage Ring.

Then, she turned to me.

”Well?” she asked with a small smirk. ”How do I look?”

I stared at her for a moment before deadpanning, ”Pretty alive.”

Xin Yune laughed at my remark before replying in archaic noblespeak, her voice smooth and playful.

”To further expound, I am living every second of it.”

I raised an eyebrow. ”Really leaning into the dramatics, huh?”

She simply smiled, adjusting the jade hairpin in her hair. There was something both lighthearted and heavy in her words, like she was savoring every breath, every moment, knowing exactly how fleeting it was.

I watched her for a second longer before exhaling through my nose.

”...Yeah. I can see that.”