Hogwarts: I Am Such a Model Wizard

Chapter 939: The Loophole in Name Magic

“As expected of the Chosen One who defeated the Dark Lord,” Rita Skeeter said as she placed the camera back into her handbag. “Thank you for your generosity.”

“What does generosity have to do with defeating Voldemort?” Kyle shrugged. “Besides, it’s just a joke. Don’t write that in the newspaper.”

Rita Skeeter didn’t hear the rest of Kyle’s words. In fact, when she heard that name, she instinctively shuddered and took two steps back, only stopping when she bumped into the wall of the corridor.

“You really should learn to adapt,” Kyle remarked, glancing at her. “It turns out Voldemort isn’t that terrifying. And now that he doesn’t have any Death Eaters fighting for him, you can say his name without any worries.”

“Maybe you don’t know, but many students have already started calling him Voldemort, instead of that ridiculous... the one who can’t be named.”

Kyle seemed to remember something, then suddenly laughed. “Maybe after a while, Voldemort will regret casting that name magic spell he was so proud of.”

Although Kyle couldn’t follow Voldemort and Snape all the way to Nurmengard, that didn’t mean he couldn’t do anything.

Taking advantage of Voldemort’s escape, he could finally test his theory about name magic from a few years ago... Specifically, whether Voldemort could clearly hear every voice that called his name.

Kyle knew he couldn’t conduct this experiment alone. After all, he couldn’t go around chanting Voldemort’s name all the time. That would be too absurd.

Luckily, he had a group of like-minded friends.

After hearing Kyle’s plan, Fred and George eagerly joined the effort.

Using the Weasley brothers’ influence among the students, combined with their natural social skills, they quickly gathered a team of over fifty people.

The group would be divided into several teams to ensure that throughout the entire day, someone would be chanting “Voldemort” nonstop.

Fred was writing the phrases to follow the name.

Kyle had taken a quick glance at it before... It was pretty crude. The “U-No-Poo” that had been stuck on the window before seemed downright civilized compared to this.

By now, the first group should have already started.

Kyle thought to himself.

Across from him, Rita Skeeter’s eyes brightened. Her years of experience told her that Kyle was thinking about something that would shake the wizarding world.

But she quickly realized that it probably had something to do with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Well, she didn’t really want to know the details, and for a long time now, the front page of The Daily Prophet had been reserved for news about this war.

No matter how explosive the other stories were, they would only fit into the corners of the newspaper.

She was Rita Skeeter, and her articles were supposed to be front-page news. Anything that required turning the page was an insult to her journalistic abilities.

That’s right, it was just like that.

Rita Skeeter muttered to herself, trying to convince herself that she wasn’t afraid of the one who cannot be named.

“I think you should try it,” Kyle suddenly said, with a hint of encouragement. “Try shouting at Voldemort. Trust me, it’s a totally new experience. You’ll find it hard to stop.”

“Next time, next time...” Rita Skeeter mumbled, then quickly changed the subject. “What do you mean by the nickname in the newspaper?”

“It’s the nickname ‘The Chosen One,’” Kyle said. “You didn’t use it in the paper, did you?”

“Not in this issue,” Rita Skeeter replied.

“This issue... what do you mean?”

“The article is written in a step-by-step manner.” When she spoke about her area of expertise, Rita’s expression became much more serious. “The battle between the evil Dark Lord and the forces of good at Hogwarts... Such a huge event that shook the entire wizarding world cannot be covered in just one issue of the paper.”

“As the most important first issue, we need to give everyone the full story... So everything in it is exactly what I saw, without any embellishment. It’s the absolute truth.”

Kyle was stunned, never imagining he’d hear the words “without embellishment” come from Rita Skeeter.

“Hey, what’s that look on your face?” Rita Skeeter said, clearly displeased. “Although this isn’t my area of expertise, that doesn’t mean I can’t handle it. I didn’t get into The Daily Prophet by relying on gossip.”

“Alright,” Kyle clicked his tongue. “You’re right.”

“That’s the way it is,” Rita Skeeter continued. “The nicknames you mentioned will show up in the next issue, in a piece analyzing the details of the war.”

“Don’t worry, as my partner, you’ll definitely be the most important one.”

Rita Skeeter said confidently, “I’ve already planned the article. I guarantee that you’ll end up replacing Harry Potter—the former Chosen One—and become the hottest figure in the magical world.”

“Good thing you didn’t, because that’s exactly what I wanted to say...” Kyle rubbed his forehead. “It’s fine if you write about me, but please don’t give me any nicknames in the article, especially that so-called ‘Chosen One.’”

“Why?” Rita Skeeter asked, confused.

“This is a rare opportunity to make your name known throughout the magical world. If someone else had defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, even if it was just by casting a Charm from a distance, they would be dying to claim all the titles for themselves.”

“Besides, this kind of fame is very useful. After you replace the ‘Chosen One,’ it’s almost like having one foot in the Office of the Minister for Magic.”

“But I don’t want to go to the Office of the Minister for Magic. There’s nothing special about it.” Kyle stopped in front of a large painting of fruit, expertly reaching up to scratch the big pear.

The pear let out a squeaky laugh and, to Rita Skeeter’s astonishment, transformed into a doorknob.

Kyle pushed the door open and stepped into the Hogwarts kitchen. Several house-elves were busy, but when they saw Kyle, they all rushed toward him.

“It’s an honor to see you again, Mr. Kyle,” said a house-elf with a white beard, speaking respectfully.

“I feel like you’ve become more polite,” Kyle said, smiling. As a Hufflepuff, he visited the kitchen almost every other day, so he was familiar with the house-elves who worked there.

The one in front of him was very familiar—was he the... head chef here?

Kyle wasn’t sure if the house-elves had a leader, but this one was clearly the oldest and had the most authority.

“You drove away that evil wizard and saved Hogwarts,” the house-elf said, his voice trembling. “...and you saved our jobs.”

Kyle’s eyes wandered. Saving jobs didn’t sound like something to be praised.

But he knew the house-elves didn’t have all the complicated layers of meaning. When they said “thank you,” they meant it.

“You helped too, didn’t you?” Kyle said. “But right now, I’m a little hungry. Could you get me... two lunches?”

“Of course, sir. It’s our honor,” the house-elf squealed before running off.

“Is this... the Hogwarts kitchen?” Rita Skeeter asked, looking around curiously.

“As you can see,” Kyle said. “Didn’t you know? I thought you’d already discovered all these secrets when you were in school.”

“The Hogwarts kitchen is a secret? Even if I hadn’t joined The Daily Prophet, I wouldn’t have wasted my time on something like that.”

“No one cares what the Hogwarts kitchen looks like... They’re more interested in whether the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is a murderer, a smuggler, or a member of St. Mungo’s Department of Magical Maladies and Injuries.”

“Magical Maladies and Injuries...” Kyle looked at her in surprise. “Was Defense Against the Dark Arts that exciting back then?”

“Hasn’t it always been like that?” Rita Skeeter replied, as if it were obvious.

Kyle had no way to argue with that.

“But do you really want to miss the chance to be the Chosen One?” Rita Skeeter pressed again.

The debate over the real and fake Chosen One was far too tempting, and it would be a shame to let it slip away.

Besides, most of her future articles would revolve around the new Chosen One.

Kyle suddenly gave up, and she would have to come up with an entirely new article... For someone used to writing with a Quick-Quotes Quill, this wasn’t going to be easy.

“I’m sure,” Kyle said. “If you want to write about me, just use my name. Don’t add those ridiculous nicknames.”

“Why?!” Rita Skeeter still couldn’t understand how someone could give up such a great honor so easily.

“Like I said, I don’t want to move to the Minister for Magic’s office, nor do I have any interest in overthrowing Amelia Bones.”

“So, the so-called honor of being the ‘Chosen One’ means nothing to me. And... never mind, that’s all.”

Perhaps it was just a habit, but whenever Kyle heard the words “Chosen One,” he couldn’t help but think of Harry.

This made the title of “Chosen One” seem... a little silly.

He felt that wearing that title would probably lower his IQ, and that was a little dangerous.

Rita Skeeter wanted to say something else.

Fortunately, just then, the House-elf who had just left returned at an even faster pace, placing plates of fried pork chops, pies, and roast beef onto the small stone table in front of Kyle.

When the table couldnʼt hold any more, the House-elves stacked the plates on top of each other... Kyle realized that he had only ordered one lunch, but what was before him could feed an entire house.

“Thatʼs enough, really,” Kyle quickly stopped the House-elves who were still bringing more food.

“What? Is this enough?” one of the House-elves asked.

“This is more than enough,” Kyle muttered under his breath.

...

Because the House-elves were so overly enthusiastic, Kyle and Rita Skeeter quickly finished their lunch and left the kitchen.

“What are you going to do next?” Kyle asked Rita Skeeter as they walked down the hallway.

“What else can I do?” Rita Skeeter replied irritably. “Naturally, I need to revise the article I need for tomorrow.”

“Remember to highlight the other people more,” Kyle said. “It’d be best if it’s as realistic as today’s.”

Rita Skeeter’s eye twitched. Such high demands were really putting her in a difficult spot.

If she didn’t edit it a little and add some personal touches before publishing it... Well, she could get away with doing this once, but doing it repeatedly would affect her personal style.

“Never mind, just don’t exaggerate too much,” Kyle said when he saw how troubled she looked. It wasn’t a big deal anyway.

“By the way, do you have any news from the Ministry of Magic?” Kyle asked.

“No,” Rita Skeeter shook her head.

Her attention had been focused on Hogwarts, so she didn’t know what was happening at the Ministry of Magic.

“If there’s anything you want to know, maybe I can help. I can find out anything,” Rita Skeeter said confidently. “And it’s all free, as a thank you for the camera you gave me.”

“Ah, never mind, don’t bother,” Kyle said, rejecting her offer. “I’m just heading to the Ministry of Magic later, so I was just asking.”

“You’re going to the Ministry of Magic?” Rita Skeeter asked, surprised.

“Yes, the Minister sent me a letter,” Kyle replied.

“Then you need to be careful,” Rita Skeeter warned.

“What do you mean?” Kyle asked, gesturing to the crowd around them. “I’m practically a hero now. The Ministry of Magic can’t possibly lock me up as a Death Eater.”

“That’s true, unless Bones wants to step down,” Rita Skeeter replied. “What I mean is, they probably want to use you.”

“Use me?” Kyle raised an eyebrow.

“To be more specific, they want to use your reputation,” Rita Skeeter explained. “By having you speak for the Ministry of Magic, people will subconsciously think you’re on their side. It’s the best way to restore the Ministry’s credibility after the war…”

She continued, “And this isn’t the first time the Ministry has done this. For example, Cornelius Fudge was always using Dumbledore’s name to achieve his own ends.”

“Yeah, I know,” Kyle nodded, recalling how Cornelius Fudge had shown up at Hogwarts late at night when he was still in office, and it hadn’t been just once.

But this time, things were different.

“Even if what you’re saying is true, it doesn’t matter...” Kyle shrugged.

“Helping the Ministry of Magic regain its credibility and authority quickly is a good thing, and I’m happy to help.”

“Then I have nothing more to say,” Rita Skeeter said, staring at Kyle, slightly confused.

She could see that Kyle’s personality was completely different from Dumbledore’s, and he wasn’t the type to care much about his reputation.

Yet, even so, he was willing to give up the opportunity to become famous in the wizarding world without hesitation. He didn’t even mind using his own fame to help the Ministry of Magic.

She couldn’t understand it. She really couldn’t.

Rita Skeeter sighed, not saying anything more, nor pressing the matter further.

While Kyle’s actions fit all the criteria she looked for in a potential target—famous, popular, and exhibiting strange behavior—she had never thought about investigating him.

It wasn’t because of their fragile cooperative relationship, but because she believed she had already seen the real Kyle.

As the only one recording the war, Rita Skeeter had been closely observing the battlefield, especially Kyle.

She had seen him unleash hundreds of Chomping Cabbages and witnessed him use the Fiendfyre Curse to trap hundreds of Death Eaters and kill them with Voldemort’s help.

Rita Skeeter saw all of this, but she said nothing, wrote nothing in the newspaper, and even helped cover it up.

Because at some point, she had already placed Kyle and Voldemort in the same category—people who were absolutely not to be messed with.

Only pick on the weak... This was also the rule that had allowed Rita Skeeter to survive up until now.

After all, who else would be so skilled at using the Fiendfyre Curse?

Fiendfyre was infamous for being chaotic, violent, and uncontrollable, yet Kyle could shape it into various forms as if it were clay.

She even suspected that Kyle’s control over Fiendfyre might be greater than Voldemort’s.

In addition to Fiendfyre, the flying dragons in the sky also seemed to be linked to Kyle.

Fortunately, the two were currently cooperating, and Rita Skeeter didnʼt mind helping Kyle a little, within her power, to strengthen their alliance.

“Oh, right,” Kyle suddenly said. “When the next issue of the newspaper is published, could you run an advertisement for me? It doesn’t need to be in a prime spot—just a corner will do.”

“An advertisement?” Rita Skeeter hesitated for only a second before agreeing. “No problem, but you’ll need to send me a photo of the promotional item in advance.”

“That... might not be finished yet,” Kyle said, thinking of Fred, who was still racking his brains to write a sentence. The parchment in front of him was quite large, so he figured it would probably take until the evening to finish.

“Wait a bit longer. I’ll send you the flyer later, and you can publish it according to the content.”

“Okay, no problem,” Rita Skeeter said, unaware of anything being off.

It was just an advertisement, what could be the big deal? It wasn’t like it was meant to provoke the Dark Lord, right?

The two returned to the Great Hall on the first floor.

Kyle carefully scanned the Great Hall but didn’t spot Kanna.

She was probably still in Professor McGonagall’s office.

Fred and George, on the other hand, sat with serious expressions, flipping through books and looking up information. From a distance, they looked like studious students.

“Tsk.”

Kyle rolled his eyes, turned, and left the Great Hall, heading for the Ministry of Magic.

Just as Rita Skeeter had mentioned, Amelia Bones really did want him to help restore the Ministry of Magicʼs reputation, which had been severely damaged.

There was no other choice. Nearly half of the staff had been replaced and controlled by Death Eaters, and the Minister of Magic was completely unaware... Someone had leaked the information, causing a wave of fury among the wizards, even overshadowing the victory over Voldemort.

When Amelia Bones returned to the Ministry of Magic, she wasn’t met with flowers and applause, but with angry letters from all directions.

It wasn’t an exaggeration to say that this oversight could’ve gotten Amelia fired a dozen times over, but she had acted quickly to remedy the situation and helped win the war, which was why she wasn’t immediately dismissed.

The only thing she could do now was pin her hopes on Kyle, hoping he could restore her plummeting approval ratings... or rather, restore the Ministryʼs credibility in the eyes of the people.

Kyle was very cooperative. Aside from a few principle issues, he had agreed to almost everything and readily accepted the interview arranged by Bones at the Ministry of Magic.

The interviewer was also from The Daily Prophet, but it wasn’t Rita Skeeter. Instead, it was a wizard Kyle had never seen before.

Not only had he never seen him, but this wizard also had no reputation. So, Kyle figured the content of this interview wouldn’t make it to the front page.

...

A few hours later, Kyle left the room.

Amelia Bones was already waiting outside.

To be honest, since Amelia became Minister, Kyle had never seen her so enthusiastic toward him. It was almost as if she was making sure he was comfortable.

“As we discussed earlier, Minister Bones,” Kyle said, already knowing what she wanted to ask. He glanced at the Daily Prophet reporter behind her, then continued:

“I believe the Death Eaters replacing the staff was a well-planned move by Voldemort. They used the Imperius Curse to control the department heads, then gradually manipulated those in lower positions.”

“At the time, we were focused on fighting the main force of the Death Eaters and dealing with Voldemort, so it was inevitable that we overlooked other aspects.”

“Ah, yes, that’s correct.” Bones immediately nodded in agreement. “We really shouldn’t have focused solely on Voldemort and neglected other matters.”

“Fortunately, we stopped Voldemort’s plan to attack Hogwarts in time. Otherwise, I don’t know how I would have faced everyone.”

As she spoke, a rustling sound came from behind her, the sound of the automatic quill writing.