Hogwarts: I Am Such a Model Wizard

Chapter 133: Professor Snape, Are You Taking the Kids Shopping?

“Ah, a Cleaning Charm,” Fred muttered, eyeing his freshly cleaned robe with a resigned sigh. ”Mum has to use it almost three times a day. How come Ron can’t remember it?”

Kyle shrugged. ”Who knows.”

Kyle’s plan had been cobbled together on the spot and was riddled with potential pitfalls. The biggest issue was the Cleaning Charm itself, which Fred and George believed was precisely why Ron wouldn’t fall for the scheme. In a wizarding household, this spell was among the most commonly used, and they couldnʼt imagine Ron being unaware of it.

Kyle had thought the same thing. In fact, when he’d noticed Ron’s suspicious glances back at the Leaky Cauldron, he’d already started considering letting him off the hook. But since he’d come this far…backing out now felt wrong. Instead, he made the scheme as straightforward as possible for Ron. After all, he could’ve simply told Ron to ask about it. With Ron’s eagerness to get a new wand, he wouldn’t have refused.

Kyle’s plan was simple: all Ron had to do was say, “Why don’t you just use a Cleaning Charm?” At that point, Kyle would’ve admitted to the ruse and bought him the wand. But…Ron didn’t say it. Not only that, he actually fell for the ploy! It was unbelievable.

“Ollivander seems to be away,” Fred noted, raising an eyebrow. “Let’s head in soon; I can’t wait to see the show.”

“Are you sure that’s fair?” Kyle teased. “Ron is your brother, after all.”

Fred smirked mischievously. “Thanks for the reminder; I almost forgot.” He swung open the shop door and stepped inside.

Kyle moved to follow, but he suddenly spotted a familiar figure around the corner. A black cloak hung dramatically, defying the windless air, greasy hair gleaming faintly as sharp eyes scanned the surroundings like a large bat stalking the shadows. The figure stood out, a jarring contrast to the bustling crowd. And behind him, barely visible, was a pair of short, stubby legs, partially hidden by the sweeping cloak.

“Long time no see, Professor Snape,” Kyle greeted, stepping forward. “What a coincidence—out shopping with your daughter...oh, it’s Kanna.”

Only as he got closer did Kyle realize that it was Kanna following Snape.

Snape’s eyes narrowed, his expression twisting as if he’d just swallowed a Dungbomb, his face darkening in an instant.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kyle,” Kanna said, poking her head out from behind Snape. “Uncle Snape hasn’t—”

“Silence, Kanna!” Snape snapped, cutting her off.

Kyle’s gaze flickered with curiosity at the change in Kanna’s address to Snape. But before he could dwell on it, Snape spoke up, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“What brings you here to Ollivanders? Did your wand break?”

“No, Professor. I take very good care of my wand.” Kyle’s expression remained calm as he replied. “I’m here with Fred and George to help their younger brother buy a new wand. Ron Weasley—he’s starting at Hogwarts this year.”

Snape’s face fell slightly, showing mild disappointment.

“And I thought I’d pick up a few potion ingredients too,” Kyle added with a polite smile. “I can’t wait to attend your potions class.”

Snape let out a short, derisive noise. His expression soured even further, as though he’d swallowed another Dungbomb, but he merely shot Kyle a contemplative look and held back any further remarks.

“Come along, Kanna,” he said shortly.

Without another glance at Kyle, Snape turned and continued walking. Kanna hesitated, clearly wanting to linger. So much had happened around her that summer—more excitement packed into two months than in her past two years combined. She longed to share it all with Kyle. But Snape had other ideas. He shot Kyle a look of deep distaste, grabbed Kanna firmly by the collar, and marched her away, despite her gesturing protests.

“Don’t associate with Kyle in the future,” he muttered, making no effort to hide his words. “He’s a bad influence.”

Kyle watched as they disappeared into the Crucible Shop. He then turned and entered Ollivander’s Wand Shop, thinking he might have missed the best part of the show thanks to Snape’s interruption. However, as soon as he stepped inside, he heard Ollivander’s voice, sounding rather exasperated.

“We don’t include wand maintenance kits with the wands, young man. You have to purchase those separately. And I’d have thought a Weasley would know the Cleaning Charm by now.”

By this point, the dust that Ron had purposely smeared on his arm had disappeared. He stood there, his face flushed red, staring down at the floor as if he were searching for a crack to crawl into.

“As for why I don’t clean the shop…” Ollivander paused, his face growing stern. “It’s for the ash balance. Dust can insulate the magic, protecting the wands from external disturbances. It’s a delicate art, understood only by us wandmakers. You wouldn’t comprehend it even if I tried to explain.”

“So…which hand do you use to hold your wand?” Ollivander prompted.

Ron extended his right hand, trembling slightly.

A tape measure promptly floated over the counter and began to measure him in quick, sharp movements. Fred and George, standing nearby, had both lowered their heads, hands pressed to their stomachs, shaking with barely restrained laughter. If Ollivander weren’t present, they likely would’ve burst out.

Once the measuring was complete, Ron moved on to trying out different wands, but the process did not go smoothly. By the time he reached the seventh—or perhaps it was the eighth—wand, it rejected him so forcefully that the moment he picked it up, a jet of water shot from its tip, drenching him from head to toe.

Now thoroughly soaked and shivering in the cool air, Ron stood there, looking more miserable than ever.

...

An hour later, the stack of boxes on the counter had grown into a small mountain. George and Kyle were slumped nearby, playing a lackluster game of Wizard Chess, while Fred watched and occasionally threw in his opinions, though neither of them paid him any mind.

“An excellent choice,” came Ollivander’s voice at last. “Fourteen inches, willow, with a unicorn hair core. It suits you perfectly, Mr. Weasley. That’ll be seven Galleons.”

Finally finished? Kyle perked up and stood, which immediately earned an indignant look from George.

“Hey, I was about to win!”

Ignoring him, Kyle pulled out his wallet and grabbed a handful of Galleons. But just as he was about to hand them over, Fred slung an arm around his shoulder with a mischievous grin.

“Kyle, you sure you don’t need anything else?” he asked.

George quickly stepped forward and handed Ollivander the seven Galleons himself.

“Next year, Ginny’s going to need a new wand too—or at least a new robe from one of us,” Fred added with a wink.

Kyle laughed. “Not feeling the pinch now?”

“Oh, I felt it alright,” Fred sighed. “Especially since Ron’s so stupid—it almost feels like a waste giving him a new wand.”

...

After they left Ollivander’s, the whole group stretched simultaneously, easing the stiffness from standing around for so long.

“Kyle, we really need to hurry,” Fred said. “Mum’s probably already getting impatient. Any later, and she might come down here to find us.”

“What else do you need to buy?” George asked.

“Just some parchment,” Kyle replied, “and a bottle of Sleekeazyʼs Hair Potion.”