Hogwarts: I Am Such a Model Wizard

Chapter 18: Heavenly Music

The entire auditorium fell silent.

The older students from the other grades eagerly watched, waiting for the show to begin, while the new students nervously eyed the dirty, tattered hat as if a troll might leap out of it at any moment. Then, without warning, the hat began to wriggle. Its tip swayed side to side, while the brim undulated up and down, as if it were attempting to dance.

But the more Kyle observed, the more he felt that something was off.

How to describe it? Whoever had designed this sequence of movements clearly had no idea what they were doing. It reminded him of a flounder—a particularly unattractive one at that—flailing around awkwardly. And unlike the more graceful, fluid movements he’d expect, this one was stiff, clumsy, and lacking any sense of finesse.

It was also considerably uglier.

The Sorting Hat, apparently aware that dancing wasn’t its strong suit, soon stopped its movements. Instead, it split open a mouth-like gap and began to hum softly before launching into its song:

”Oh, you may not think Iʼm pretty,

But donʼt judge on what you see,

Iʼll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For Iʼm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all.

Thereʼs nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat canʼt see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry

Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal,

Those patient Hufflepuffs are true

And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

If youʼve a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin

Youʼll make your real friends,

Those cunning folk use any means

To achieve their ends.

So put me on! Donʼt be afraid!

And donʼt get in a flap!

Youʼre in safe hands (though I have none)

For Iʼm a Thinking Cap!”

When the song ended, thunderous applause erupted throughout the auditorium. It was clear that the students in the wizarding world were quite polite when it came to tradition.

The Sorting Hat bowed deeply toward each of the four tables, then remained still, no longer moving.

Although the Sorting Hatʼs song was a bit difficult to understand, the new students gradually figured out that the ”Sorting” simply involved wearing the hat. This realization brought a sense of relief to many. Compared to the wild rumors theyʼd heard, just wearing a hat seemed easy enough. Sure, the hat was dirty, old, and not particularly appealing, but it would only be for a brief moment—they wouldn’t have to wear it for long.

Professor McGonagall stepped forward, holding a parchment in her hand. “When I call your name, you will put on the hat, sit on the stool, and wait to be sorted.”

She glanced at the parchment. “Thomas Albright.”

A blond boy with his head held high strode confidently over to the stool, placed the hat on his head, and, after a few moments, the Sorting Hat announced: “Ravenclaw!”

The boy looked pleased as he removed the Sorting Hat. Despite being sorted into Ravenclaw, he couldn’t resist walking over to the Gryffindor table, where the applause was the loudest at that moment.

“Marietta Edgecombe!”

A little girl bounded up excitedly, grabbed the Sorting Hat, and placed it on her head.

“Ravenclaw!” the hat declared.

“Oh, thatʼs great!”

The first new student being sorted into Gryffindor had already thrilled the Gryffindors, and the young eagles were ecstatic, cheering so loudly it seemed like the ceiling might lift off.

“Katie Bell!”

This time, a nervous young girl rushed up, hurriedly jamming the Sorting Hat onto her head. In her fluster, she pushed it down too hard, causing her head to poke out of the hat, with only her neck exposed.

“Hahaha!”

The entire hall erupted in laughter.

Professor McGonagall sighed and quickly stepped forward to adjust the hat for her.

“Thanks, Professor McGonagall, I thought I was going to suffocate,” Katie said with relief.

The Sorting Hat gave a nod to Professor McGonagall. “Without a doubt, Gryffindor!”

A deafening cheer burst from the Gryffindor table at the far left of the hall. Fred and George Weasley stood on their stools, whistling in excitement—it was clear they had taken an instant liking to Katie Bell. She rushed down the stairs, her face flushed with embarrassment.

The Sorting continued, but Professor McGonagall decided it was best to oversee it more closely, just in case there was another mishap. Instead of stepping aside as she had earlier, she stood behind the stool, holding the Sorting Hat in one hand and the parchment in the other.

“Cho Chang!”

An Asian girl calmly walked up to the stool and sat down. Professor McGonagall carefully placed the Sorting Hat on her head.

“Ravenclaw!”

“Oh!”

For the third time, the Sorting Hat called out the name of Ravenclaw, sending the young students of that house into a frenzy. Some stood on their stools, kicking their feet in excitement, while others grabbed flowers from the table decorations and tossed them into the air. Their usual reserved demeanor vanished as they erupted into wild cheers.

“Three! We’ve already got three new students, and the Sorting’s just begun!”

“Ravenclaw’s going to rise this year!”

...

The professors on stage didn’t intervene at first, simply watching the excitement with smiles on their faces. However, when the students began tossing plates in their enthusiasm, Professor McGonagall stepped forward, her expression stern.

The effect was immediate. The young eagles, who had been full of wild energy moments ago, instantly quieted down, as though they’d been doused with cold water. Their transformation from jubilant eagles to meek quails was almost comical as they sat back down at their table, behaving once again.

Seeing the effect of her presence, Professor McGonagall’s expression softened, and she returned to the parchment in her hand.

“Omidyv Rowle!”

After a brief pause, the Sorting Hat announced, “Slytherin!”

The new students were slowly being sorted, and the crowd of first-years was thinning out. Kyle stood among them, waiting patiently for his name to be called. But for some reason, he felt an irritating itch between his shoulder blades, as if someone were poking him.

Instinctively, he turned his head and found Kanna glaring at him, her face flushed with anger. This wasn’t the usual shy look she wore—this time, her fury was unmistakable. Her usually timid demeanor had transformed into something far more intense, her teeth grinding together as if she might pounce on him at any moment.

“Ahem... Lovely weather, isn’t it?” Kyle muttered, clearing his throat as though he hadn’t seen her, trying to act nonchalant. He turned back around and casually edged forward, hoping to put some distance between them.

But his attempt to escape was futile. There was only so much space in the room, and the crowd had thinned out too much for him to hide. No matter where he moved, Kanna’s eyes followed him, her gaze making him feel like a rat trapped on a hot tin roof.

Just as the tension became unbearable, a voice rang out.

“Kyle Chopper!”

For the first time in his life, Kyle found Professor McGonagall’s voice to be the most beautiful sound in the world, like music from heaven, offering him salvation from his predicament. To be honest, if there were ever another election for headmaster, he would vote for Professor McGonagall without hesitation.