Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”I’m sorry my existence is not very noble or sublime.”

- Keanu Reeves

Yeah, I feel you man. I’ve seen nobility, like maybe even the actual thing with New And Improved Larry and Lachlan, in the here and now. I sure as shit ain’t that. I’m not the chick who stands up top like Satsuki and inspires everybody to go do unto others by my beauty and poise. I’m not the wise ruler who dispenses justice and mercy upon the deserving. I haven’t even got the ’noble scar’ shit right; mine make me look more like ’might not actually be a rapist highwaywoman’ than ’noble warrior queen’.

Sublime... fuck, sublime is even harder. And part of the reason I’m not noble or sublime is how my fuckin’ sense of humor wants to turn that into a dick joke. Despite being our family’s Moral Compass, I’m not particularly worthy. I think the best moral value I’ve got is ’Consent’, and even there I’m down for some shady shit when my Kitten gets purring. Sense of grandeur or awe? Yeah, nobody’s ever looked at me and had any sense of awe. Sure as fuck nobody but maybe Saffron saw me and thought ’beautiful’. Shit, I think ninety percent of the reason Marie is with me is because I can party as long and hard as a Maenad without actually being, y’know, a Maenad. Cue my inevitable urge to make a dick joke yet again.

Twelve-year-olds are neither noble nor sublime, and my inner moppet is perpetually twelve and sounds like she ought to be sitting next to Beavis and Butt-Head on the couch. Yes, Tomoko is my inner child, and I’m mature enough to admit that.

Eh, I guess I inspire the most noble, sublime woman I’ve ever met to be the best version of herself. If at the end of the day all I wind up doing is convincing somebody with the actual skills the world needs to do the right thing, maybe that’s enough.

I really hope it is.

Today was pretty calm.

Started out with Kitten turning my brain into mush by releasing all the Happy Brain Chemicals and agitating vigorously, rinsing and repeating until I lost track of time and space and drifted off to sleep. I swear that woman has been bingeing the cultured kind of anime and must think my internals are made of pudding. I mean, I can’t exactly prove they’re not, and it presses all the right buttons for me, so I’m not complaining, but it’s just weird when I think about it. Fortunately ’thinking’ isn’t something I’m prone to do while being done by my tiny tyrant, so it’s all good.

Mimic dreamt of thousands of little psychedelic tadpoles writhing around under her continent spanning ass.

During morning bath time, while Saffron took special care while scrubbing my shoulder puncture wounds, ’to make sure they scar properly’, I murmured, ”do you need to test anything?”

”No.”

I nodded, only to have her gently thwap my head to the side so she could keep working on my shoulder. ”Cool. Hope it all works the way we think it will.”

”It will.”

”You mind if we take a break on the training today? I’m just... I dunno. Not feeling it. Need a little bit of a break.”

”As you wish, love.”

Standing atop the Black Dragon’s mast, I pulled an extra set of binoculars out of storage, and Marie and I confirmed that every rooftop we could see had a Lich, a few Dire Snipers, and a small group of Zombies. A couple of the taller ones had Death Knights as well. While we worked, I murmured, ”how many of those... uh... amuse bouche things do you know how to make?” She gave me a little bit of side eye, one eyebrow raised. ”Uh, little finger food appetizer things?” I sent her mental pictures of stuff like deep fried mozzarella sticks, French fries, onion rings, even those little chocolate coated cookie sticks. Yes, I know those aren’t really amuse bouche, but I couldn’t think of the word ’appetizer’. Yes, I know the word amuse bouche, because first of all my pre-Isekai trunk got all that junk from something, and the reaction when I’d look at a guy’s cock, call it an amuse bouche, then watch it get way more than one bite when they realized what I was implying made my inner Tomoko smile. Yeah, I was a fuckin’ hellspawn, but I own that shit, and I never bit anybody who didn’t ask to be bit.

At any rate, she smiled and nodded, then said, ”When?”

”Uh, maybe a tasting menu on Thursday?” She nodded, and we went back to watching. I stepped one of me down to the deck, then made my way down to the engine rooms. Running my hand across the boilers as I walked past them, I whispered, ”not yet, you big beautiful beasts. Not any time soon, really. I’m sorry. I’ve been busy. But as soon as I can.”

Back at Lancaster House, before she started reading, I pulled Maze aside and said, ”you’re gonna be playing with Menace tomorrow, right?”

”Yes?”

I hugged her and said, ”no problems. Are you okay refereeing them now?”

She shrugged. ”I don’t always referee on Wednesdays.”

”I know that.” I waited until she realized what I meant, then nodded and smiled. ”I want to be sure you’re gonna be okay if I’m not always shadowing you. Also, you know if anything goes horribly wrong I’m counting on you and her to keep everyone else safe, right?”

”Me?” she squeaked quietly.

”You’re smart, Horse Girl. Yeah, Menace can probably turn anything violent into so much ground meat, but when it comes to not rushing into danger, she might be a little lacking.”

She gave me one of those not really exasperated but sorta little kid looks, lay a hand on my forearm and said, ”We’ll be fine... papa.” She smirked up at me, and I scooped her up and carried her over to the bed to sit down and start reading.

Kinda weird how different context can make things. Maze sitting on my lap to get a little bit of height and a big dollop of confidence to read to the rest of the suite dwellers was cute. It took everything I had not to snuggle her and tell her how adorable she was and how proud I was of her for doing it. Saffron sitting on my lap, on the other hand, was an absolute endless font of distracting adult impulses, as every squishy bit of her that wasn’t pressed against me was actively being squished and fondled by my rope dart ropes. Okay, not the really good bits, because she still had work to do today. Franklin’s Inspect wasn’t gonna rewrite itself.

”Y’know, we could do this elsewhere and you could have an entire chair to yourself.”

”I like your lap.”

That kinda surprised me, and my mouth took off on its own. ”My lap is all muscle at this point. Hard like rock. Shit, I think Marie’s had to replace the gussets on my uniform pants at least three times since the Solstice, and I don’t even wear those that often. Meanwhile if we relocated to the new house or elsewhere, you could be resting on custom contoured squishy bits. Vibrating ones even.”

She twisted at the waist to give me all the side eye. ”I like. Your lap.”

Before I could formulate a reply, the door in the armoire slid open. ”Mom? Could you come in here for a moment?”

I moved to stand up, but Saffron Co-Located behind me and laid her hands on my shoulders. ”He called for me, love. I’ll let you know if we need you.”

I sighed, but nodded. If Karen had failed her Trial, I’m not sure I really wanted to know exactly what he’d turned her into. Not yet. I had to focus on other shit at the moment. ”Ask him if the bow is done?”

”Bow? As you wish, love.” She walked off to the armoire, the her on my lap continuing to code. A few moments later her voice leaked out of the Workshop. ”Oh. Oh, my, that is... perfect son. Is it complete?” A murmured maybe denial, followed by, ”Is that... what is that?” Conrad said something that didn’t quite carry out to me, and Saffron asked, ”is it?”

”Oh, absolutely, Mom.”

She murmured something to him, and then, Love, I need your attention, please.

I focused on her and thought, all available braining resources set to Kitten.

I got the sense of a chuckle and a mental caress before I saw the inside of the Workshop. Karen stood on the modeling stand, balanced on the ball of one foot in the center of the main platform, her other foot propped up on a step like two feet above that. With her head tilted back and her hands to her sides, she looked not unlike someone descending from above, or rising in religious ecstasy. I thought about my Domain in relation to that last and got a weird kind of stomach butterfly, part weirded out by someone feeling that way about me, part... really not weirded out about someone feeling that way about me. It absolutely did not help that she was completely naked, and the traceries where lingerie had obviously been pressing into her did not reduce that even the tiniest bit.

Weirdest of all was her hair and eye colors, vibrant red and green, respectively. She even had freckles. ”The fuck?”

Saffron called out, ”Son, why are her hair and eyes that color?”

”I cleaned them before starting my work.”

Saffron tilted her head and said, ”why?” When Karen didn’t answer, she called out, ”son, may she speak?”

”Speak, yes, but she may not move other than that.”

Before Saffron could ask again, Karen spat out, ”don’t tell me you of all people don’t understand wanting to hide your ancestry?”

Saffron nodded. ”No, I do. While I became more open about it once I met Tabitha, and have dared anyone to make an issue of it once I became Imperator, I understand. Scots?”

”Yes.”

”I don’t quite understand why you would need to hide that?”

Karen swallowed, like she wanted to spit or move her head or react in some nonverbal manner before saying, ”of course not. You’re Bag. No offense, but you wouldn’t have gotten into any of the social settings where being Scots, even Scots with plenty of Dan blood, would make you a social pariah.”

”I probably would not have. You will not dye it again, nor do whatever you did to hide your eye color.”

”Excuse me, is that an order from my Imperator? I cannot see how that is legal, unless I’m to be an operative in Scotland?”

Saffron smiled and shook her head. ”No, Karen. This is your Goddess’ wife instructing you on her dogma. Which is to be your second Trial, by the way.”

”I know who you are, High Priestess of Mimic. You will not deceive me, will not corrupt the doctrine of Tabitha with Mimic’s desires.”

From behind her eyes I felt Saffron’s gut clench as she forced herself to keep a straight face. ”You would protect Tabitha from Mimic?”

Karen’s eyes flashed. ”I would!”

”Then perhaps I’ve underestimated you, and you are a worthy Highest Priestess for Tabitha. For my wife. For the woman I would die for, would live for, who gives my life meaning. Who I would turn my back on my Goddess for, if such a thing were possible.”

That last one obviously shook Karen. ”I...”

”Love?”

From my seat in the office, I hollered loud enough to be heard in the workshop. ”I can hear what she’s saying, Karen. I’ll interrupt if she gets something wrong.”

Karen didn’t move, but Saffron saw some of the tension leave her body anyhow. ”As you wish, My Goddess. Instruct me, Imperator.”

”High Priestess, if you must. But you, who would defend my Wife from my Goddess, may call me Saffron, if you wish.” She waited a tick, but Karen just stared down at her.

She can’t nod, Kitten.

I know that. I just wanted to see if she forgot.

Ooh. Mean. Mean, mean, mean.

You love it.

I do. Go on.

”To begin with the reason you will not hide your origins any longer, your Goddess’ second most dearly held Value is Egalitarianism. As such, you will embody it in yourself and demand it from others. You will judge them on the choices they make freely, not their origins. Do you understand?”

Karen blinked. ”Are... are you serious?”

”As fuckin’ cancer, Karen!” I called out from the other room.

Do you want to do this?

Nah. Too much like work. Just tryna support my wife.

Your thighs are doing a lovely job of that already, Goof. I’ll let you know if I need you. ”Now, before we move on, as you might imagine from her less than law abiding nature, Tabitha believes in Values more than Rules, Laws, or even ’Morals’. Trust that if you are confused about how her Values should apply to a situation, she will give you instructions, but also trust that she would prefer you to choose your own way to embody and support them.”

”Why?”

Saffron smiled and nodded. ”The question that makes Tabitha’s gut clench with fear, and one she adores hearing nonetheless.” Before I could do more than bark out a half-formed mental denial, Saffron continued. ”The reason why is because of the Value she holds most dear: Agency. It is the choices we make as people which determine who we are, whether we deserve exaltation or destruction. Not what we look like, or where we were born, or even what we believe or who we Worship.”

”Wait, what?” Karen sounded more than a little disbelieving. Not surprising, what with ’it doesn’t matter who you Worship’ not being an expected line when one High Priestess is training another one.

”You are about to hear something no one outside of the Expeditionary Force and some people in the Advanced Healing class know. The first adult Undead Tabitha restored was in fact a lay Priestess of Ares.”

Dafuq?

She was, possibly is, love. Please don’t jostle my elbow. ”I am not privy to whether Lord Ares has accepted her back into his fold. It is my fervent hope that the High Priestess of an entirely different Deity might convince her to convert. But she is a warlike woman, I cannot see her converting to any pacifistic or utilitarian Deity.”

”Would Tabitha be sufficiently warlike?”

”She is a kind, caring, loving woman. Far kinder than I, by nature. Her most cherished domain is Children. I have never known a more devoted mother than my wife.” Hush. ”That will be another of your Trials, by the way. To be administered by Isnomi Aetos-Diaz and her sisters.”

”My worthiness is to be judged by a child?”

”How else is Tabitha to know that you have the capacity to care for them?”

Karen sighed. ”What if motherhood is not in my nature?”

Saffron shrugged. ”Not every Priestess, not even every High Priestess, is identical in nature to their chosen Deity. Over time you will become so.”

”So you have become more Mimic-like?”

Saffron smiled up at Karen. ”As she is kinder, loves harder, and revels in life far more easily than I do? I most fervently hope so. Shall we continue?”

”Of course.”

”Good. Her next most embodied Domain is Passion. I... I often wondered, when we first met, at what tied her together, what explained her actions, and if anything, it is that. She Revels, both literally and metaphorically, in those things which she desires, enjoys, and believes in. Are you Passionate, Karen?”

”I believe in Phileo, in the Alliance, in Tabitha with all my heart.”

Saffron swallowed another chuckle. ”That’s a start, then. Her next Domain is Ecstasy. As you might imagine, that often ties in with Passion. Most frequently with the physical aspects of Passion. Tell me, Karen, do you enjoy dancing?”

”I... yes?” I could tell by her answer that Karen hadn’t expected that particular verb.

”Eating?”

”When the food is good.”

”Fair. Fucking?”

Karen choked a little, but answered, ”doesn’t... doesn’t everyone? I guess?”

Saffron rolled her eyes. ”Are you a virgin, Karen?”

”That’s a very personal question.”

”Being a High Priestess is a very intimate position. Your answer either way won’t disqualify you, but refusing to answer will. Have you had sex?”

Karen sighed. ”Yes.”

”Did you enjoy it?”

Now she grumbled. ”No. Not really.”

”Hmm... you’ll need to at the very least be capable of representing Tabitha well during Revels. You’ll want to develop Skills along those lines eventually. Possibly at dancing or cooking as well, since you seem more Passionate about those than about fucking.”

Karen’s freckles got a little more pronounced as she blanched. ”How am I to learn such Skills?”

”You could ask any happily married person you’re intimate with enough to ask. Or hire someone. Or ask a favor of someone who has those Skills.”

”I... do not know any married couples well. Definitely not intimately. I suppose...”

”You will. Being a High Priestess is, as noted, an intimate connection.”

Karen blinked. ”What?”

I couldn’t help myself. From the other room, in my very best over the top o-voice, I moaned out, ”oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, Saffron, don’t stop, harder, harder, faster, deeper, fuck, Fuck, FUCK, SAFFRON!”

Tabitha!

I’m helping! I nudged Saffron’s eyes up toward Karen, who looked down at her with a kind of horrified awe.

”Well then. My schedule isn’t terribly free, but to assist my wife’s High Priestess I will, of course, find time to assist you should you need it. Now. Do you enjoy Fighting?”

”I will gladly fight in the defense of Phileo, the Alliance, and the Worshippers of Tabitha Diaz!”

Saffron chuckled. ”Not quite what I asked, Karen. Tabitha’s next Domain, one she embodies in ways that sing to the darkest parts of My Dark Mistress, is Bloodlust.”

”Bloodlust... do you mean?”

Saffron nodded. ”You might have hurt your chances with her far less than you think by thrusting that blunt object into her guts so passionately in the Training Yard.” Karen just stared, a little horrified. I was more than a little horrified myself, and I was the one who had done all that shit. But... my Kitten wasn’t wrong. That was part of who and what I was. I’m not sure how indelible a part, but I had to own it, or it would wind up owning me. ”That is the first of the Domains she requires you to exert the utmost control over.”

”Lust?”

Saffron chuckled. ”No, just the Bloody part.”

Hey!

You’ve always been lusty, love. And I love every surge of urges that courses through you, from the slightest desire to nibble on waffles to the most rapacious desire to claim each and every one of Siobhan’s orifices as your own. Even inside my head that declaration made me a little speechless, and Saffron continued. ”It ties in with her other two Domains, Vengeance and Justified Homicide, which themselves lead to her final core Value. But before we get to that... While Vengeance and Justified Homicide are two of her Domains, they are parts of herself that she keeps locked down unless absolutely needed. You, and by extension her Worshippers, would do well to remember that.”

”When can murder be justified?”

”Murder. Rape. Slavery. But not just that; when someone has not only committed crimes, but continues to do so. When confronted with their crimes and they make it clear that they will not or can not stop, and there is no other way to stop them? That is when Vengeance, when Homicide is Justified. And then, and only then, may you and must you embody and release her Domain of Bloodlust. You will be Vengeance personified, and you will Revel in it.” She paused. ”Will you do that?”

”I... I will.”

”Can you do that?”

”Of course?”

Saffron shook her head. ”That will be another of your Trials. Marie, Head Maenad Maid of Phileo City Heroic Academy, Champion of Dionysus, and High Priestess of Mimic, will test and if need be train you.”

”In... in what?”

”Fighting. Fucking.” Saffron tilted her head. ”Maybe cooking, if you’re lucky and you ask her nicely.”

”I... I cannot hope to outfight a Maenad, let alone a Champion.”

”Oh, you think you can outfuck her?” Karen’s head sagged, and Saffron’s hand shot up. ”Hold, Son,” she whispered, then said, ”raise your head, Karen Smith, would be Highest Priestess of Tabitha Diaz. You need not defeat her. Simply impress her.”

Karen’s head snapped back into position, and Saffron made no mention of the tear tracks running down her face. ”I can... I will try.”

”That is all we can ask. If you try and fail? Ask again. Try again. Because that is the final Value our Tabitha embodies. Redemption. Second. Chances.” She said those two words to Conrad, who rolled his eyes, but I noticed the tiny smile hiding beneath his scowl. ”Tabitha believes in them so strongly that she has done what so many, for so long, thought impossible. She has restored the Undead to life, and sent the Souls of others to Hades and Hel, where they have not been summarily rejected.”

”She... she has such power, such influence already?”

Saffron smiled up at Karen. ”She is Hel’s adopted sister, and for the first time in an Age, Hel has psychopomps to guide Souls to her.” At Karen’s confused look, Saffron explained, ”the Maenads are fond of our Tabitha, and delivery of followers deemed unfit for Valhalla is not as... arduous a task as delivering Dionysus’ followers to Hades. Speaking of, Hades is not yet convinced that the formerly Undead deserve rest in Hades, but he has provisionally allowed them to remain, rather than sending them directly to Tartarus as Zeus would prefer.”

”I... how am I to reconcile Bloodlust and Homicide with Redemption?”

”That will be another of your Trials. Sister Siobhan, Healer of Phileo City Heroic Academy and High Priestess of Mimic, will test your ability to Heal even the most egregious of wounds, even death itself, and train you in the Shapes and Spells needed to do so should you require such training.”

”I am... to Revive those I’ve slain? Executed for crimes?”

”Should you feel they can and should be Redeemed? Yes.”

”But... who will... am I to pay that price?”

Saffron stepped up to the platform, lifting one hand to cup Karen’s cheek. ”Should she ask it of you? Yes. But do remember, long before the Battle of the Walls, when her friend lay dead, she bore that cost herself, willingly and without hesitation.” Karen’s eyes watered a little until Saffron smiled and said, ”do you think she would do less when her High Priestess calls upon her aid?”

Karen stood there for a moment. ”I understand.”

”Are you sure?”

”Yes.”

”Well then. In order of importance from greatest to least, what are Tabitha’s most cherished Values?”

”Agency, the right to choose. Egalitarianism, judging others by their choices and not their origins. Redemption, allowing others to turn away from harmful paths, to make whole those they have wronged.”

”Fair. What are her Domains, from least to greatest?”

”Justified Homicide. Vengeance. Bloodlust. Ecstasy. Passion. Children.”

”Excellent. And what are the Trials you must complete to earn your place as Tabitha Diaz’ Highest Priestess?”

”I must remain with The Weyland Smith without causing him offense until he has completed my Holy Garb. I must learn my Goddess’ Values and Domains to the satisfaction of her wife, The Imperator of the Alliance, High Priestess Archmage Saffron Aetos-Diaz. I am to learn to Heal, that I might Redeem even those I have struck down, from High Priestess Sister Siobhan Darling, Healer of Phileo City Heroic Academy. I am to...” Karen stuttered to a stop and swallowed, ”I am to contest with Head Maid...”

Hurr Hurr Hurr Head Maid.

Hush, you.

She is really good at it though.

The rest of Karen’s recitation had a background of Saffron’s mental snickers. ”High Priestess, and Champion Maenad Marie of Phileo City Heroic Academy, to prove my fitness to represent Tabitha on the field of battle,” she swallowed, ”and in Revels.” She paused, and Saffron raised an eyebrow. Karen blinked, then said, ”finally, I am to prove a fit caretaker and companion of Children, my worthiness in this most important of endeavors to be judged by Isnomi Aetos-Diaz, daughter of the Patron Demigoddess of the Alliance, Tabitha Diaz.”

Saffron nodded, smiled, stepped up one step, and stood on tiptoe to give Karen a quick peck on each cheek. ”Absolutely correct, Senior Cadet Smith... or should I say Novice Karen, since you have now passed my Trial.” Karen sighed, and started to slump. Saffron tapped her cheek with a finger. ”Your first Trial is not yet done, Novice. I would hate to see you fail now. And while Tabitha is quite insistent on second chances, I’m not quite so sure how she feels about thirds.”

Probably depends on the circumstance.

Oh? So if Artemis disobeys you, you’d give her another chance?

I shrugged, then whispered to Saffron as she collapsed into herself, ”depends on why she did it, really. I mean, probably not. Bitch had our daughter killed. But, y’know...?”

”If she can be redeemed, maybe I can, too?”

I spun her around to face me. ”Why would you need to be redeemed?”

She chuckled as we heard the armoire door slide shut. ”Oh, my love. I have ever been more evil than you. But...”

”Butt?” I squeezed.

She laughed aloud. ”Yes, love. You give me hope that I can simply be... dark. Sultry. Deliciously decadent and unrepentantly, voraciously, ecstatically passionate, like my Goddess herself.”

I sighed and pulled her to me. ”Yeah. Yeah, I could live with that.”

She held herself back, one eyebrow arching. ”For how long?”

I smiled up at her. ”For as long as you’ll have me.”

She Grinned, and breathed into my mouth, ”Good Girl.”