Diary of a Teenaged Mimic

Dear Diary,

”The object of the superior man is truth.”

- Confucius

No shit, really, the fortune cookie dude agrees with me? That’s fantastic!

Okay, there’s a lot of shit to side eye there, like the fact that despite being able to shapeshift well enough to thoroughly meet my favorite bi lady’s boy needs, I am in fact a woman. Also, the whole ’superior’ thing has a shit ton of unfortunate implications to unpack, like whether we’re talking about ’morally better’ or harder faster stronger smarter, because while back at Eastside I would probably have smacked somebody for suggesting you could measure people like that, here and now one of the first ’Magic’ things I learned how to do was a fuckin’ scanner to measure that shit, to boil people down to some numbers.

I guess even back then and there that could have been done. Y’know, testing how far people can run, how fast, how much they can lift, how fast they add up numbers. That last one is pretty much a big chunk of the ASVABs. Never looked at my results on those. Took them because, y’know, ROTC, so everybody took them, and the Sergeants told us we could use ASVAB numbers in place of SATs or ACTs for some schools. That with good enough scores they could get some of their contacts at the schools to pull strings to get us in. Yeah, sure, those strings get pulled, you’re in real ROTC rather than High School ’JROTC’, and at the end of your college you wind up in the Army or some shit like that, but if I remember the spiel right you go in as an officer rather than a gun bunny, so as long as you’re not the special kind of bitch who is gonna get friendly fired, you’re that much less likely to get sent home missing factory issue parts, or in a bag or box.

So I guess my big worry is whether ’superior’ means ’objectively more effective’ or ’on a better moral path’, and I sure as shit don’t want to confuse those two. Let’s face it, I’m pretty sure Olga can deadlift more than me, I would not want to play slapsies with Marie, and Saffron can outthink me with one brain tied behind her back, but in general? I am absolutely harder, faster, better, stronger than anybody I’ve come up against. Enough that I am the answer to ’oh, shit, the Undead are ambushing us’, even when, as noted, the Undead are particularly hard on anybody of the Deific persuasion. So am I a superior human bean? Yeah, kinda. But that doesn’t mean shit when it comes to moral superiority. Lancaster Senior is probably the second smartest person I know, and if he’s not it’s neck and neck and neck with Doc Roberts and Doc DeLeon, and unlike them he’s probably one of the more dangerous motherfuckers I’ve met. Not a patch on the Marshall, in my not at all humble opinion, and somebody like Olga would wipe the floor with him, but then again he’s old, and he’s gotta be slowing down. So yeah, superior human bean in the statistical sense, but holy shit that motherfucker’s most redeeming moral trait is that he’d sacrifice himself to his own shitty rules.

So yeah, with the context that ’seeking truth is a sign of positive moral fiber’, hearing a dude whose name is fuckin synonymous with pragmatic wisdom really makes me feel good, what with me, y’know, doing that shit.

That’s what therapy is, right? Seeking truth about yourself?

Anyway, interesting morning or not, yesterday was pretty boring. Quick note, that is not a complaint. Oh, no, a day of clinging to Marie as she mauls me and sitting under Saffron as she rewrites reality. Fuzzy and squishy all over my front. If I could spend the day sandwiched between them, my biggest worry would be about which one goes on the front. Like, yeah, the default is spooning, preferentially with handbras, but I’ve recently become a convert to fuzzy nips, so now I’ve got, like, days of combinations to mix and match.

Even Mana Shaping was boring for me, although Saffron got in an interesting debate with fuckin’ Cadet Karen Smith about how useful flow charts were. Like, fuck, flow charts? Who gets worked up about flow charts? That’s like getting worked up about a toaster.

Wait, I always thought I was a microwave, but with my recent desire to squirt at least one kid out the love tunnel, I guess that’s not true any more. Maybe I’m a toaster. Y’know, press any one of a number of buttons and I get hot real fast, and if you gotta be careful about sticking something inside me, or you might not get it back. Shit, I still gotta talk with Conrad about that replacement fascina.

Got home, got everybody ready for bed, and after convincing Marie to be littlest spoon and Saffron to play backpack for me, the two of them reminded me that last night was Saffron’s next acupuncture training session. Weirdest thing, despite the general lack of clothing that wasn’t purely erotic decoration and the more or less incessant flirtation and innuendo that was, y’know, just the three of us alone in a room, no actual sex happened. I mean, some really wild sensations that may or may not have been, uh, satisfying, but nothing in me except little metal pins, and nothing rubbing against me except some massage before and after. Despite that? Totally copacetic and ready to sleep at the end of the night’s lesson. I’m really wondering what it’s going to be like when Saffron finally feels comfortable working on my front instead of, or as well as, my back.

In the morning, after getting the kids washed and dried I confirmed that no, Maze did not need to go play with Menace again today unless she wanted to. Gotta watch Menace, she’s getting a little pushy. Which, y’know, Primordial Goddess from the age of zero, she’s gonna have a little of that going on, but that just means she has to be more careful about it, not less.

Devorah came through the line before Anna, so after I had her mostly dry I pulled her around and, once I’d caught her not very subtle attempt to ’trip and fall’ her way into faceplanting somewhere on my front, I chuckled and said, ”are we missing a couple women here?”

She shot me a smile that clearly communicated she’d be trying again until I missed a step or determined that we were, in fact, ’after’, but said, ”oh, yes! I think Anna told the Imperator, but two of us decided to return home with two of the families from Calverton. Well, the émigré families from Calverton, who live on farmsteads here in Lancaster now.”

”Shit, why didn’t anybody tell me?”

She shrank away a little, ”I’m... I’m sorry, Champion. I thought the Imperator would do so.”

I shook my head and pulled her in for a hug. ”No, no, it’s not you. I’m not actually mad. I just... I think I wanted some good news or something?”

At that point I realized she was maybe being a little more squirmy than the hug warranted, I shifted her out to arm’s length and gave her a look. She just shrugged as if to say ’couldn’t hurt’. Which was both absolutely untrue and, in that moment, absolutely hilarious to me, so I let it slide. ”I’ll remember in the future, Champion.”

”Oh, sure, like you remember ’after’?”

”Of course I remember ’after’. Speaking of,” she put one finger up to her lower lip and looked at the ceiling. ”Is it ’after’ yet?”

I laughed, spun her around, and gave her a gentle shove towards Marie, who was ready for her.

When Anna came by, I asked her about the Maenad situation. ”Things progress, Champion. A few of the Maenads who came here with us have returned with families who came here to find their lost kin. They... became attached to the little ones they fostered.”

”Is everybody copacetic with the situation they’re in?”

She shrugged. ”One of the families had never seen a Maenad before, and she was... forceful in her opinions.” I frowned, and she hastened to add, ”But not violent.”

I nodded. ”Okay. Just try to keep in touch with them, at least until they’re properly settled in somewhere? I’m not gonna be happy if any of you or them wind up out in the cold when there’s no need for that shit, but I’m also not gonna be happy if a Maenad winds up killing somebody.”

”You would not have them defend themselves?”

I sighed, shook my head, and wrapped my hands around her biceps. ”Take a swing at me.” Before she could protest, I said, ”no, seriously. Try. Try your hardest. I promise you, the worst I’m gonna do if you manage to hit me is maybe offer you your choice of totally inappropriate rewards. Go on. Foursome with two Champions and the Imperator on the line here, hit me!”

She wriggled, strained, and eventually brought her knee up to bump against mine. I laughed softly as she winced, because I don’t think she felt it as a ’bump’, even though I didn’t move. ”Does that count?”

”No. I said hit, not knee.” She wiggled a little more. ”Give up?”

She heaved a sigh. ”Yes, Champion.”

”Do you get my point?” At her tilted head, I said, ”there’s like, nobody in Lancaster except the Lancasters themselves and maybe visiting Heroes and Cadets who can seriously threaten a Maenad. If somebody’s out of line, or attacks them? Shit, beat them bloody, hog tie them, and deliver them to the local authorities for judgement, but barring someone being in actual danger, nobody ought to die without a trial and proof enough for everybody that they actually did something to warrant an execution.”

”As you wish, Champion. I will try to explain it to them.”

”No problem. If they have questions, or need me to explain it, come see me.”

”Yes, Champion. Oh, another thing!”

”Good or bad?”

She rocked her head back and forth. ”Some of the Maenads and a few of the ladies here have expressed interest in the house you mentioned in Camden Yards?”

”Uh... it’s got two bedrooms. Four rooms total.” She just stared at me. ”Sort out everybody who’s interested, we’ll take them on a tour some time over the next week maybe. Well, ’tour’ might be saying a lot. Maybe we could take them to see the Academy and the new house while we’re at it?” I shook my head. ”Yeah, anybody wanting to see the Academy or the Aetos House before they make up their mind, have them ready to spend a day with us next week.”

”What day?”

”Uh... Tuesday.” I looked over to Saffron. ”We’re free to take some of the Maenads and the ladies here on a tour of your old house, and the Academy, and maybe our new place next Tuesday, right?”

She just let out a little chuckle and said, ”well, I suppose we are now.”

The rest of the day wound up pretty copacetic. The most energetic thing I wound up doing was convincing Saffron to take a break for lunch, and even that wasn’t really ’energetic’ so much as ’quietly intense’. At one point I even Co-Located a fifth one of me to lay in the Love Shack reading. The empty slot in the headboard bugged me, reminded me I needed to talk to Conrad eventually, but I couldn’t really work up the energy to do anything about it. I had books to read.

Boredom is criminally underrated.